Dr. Andrew Jacobs Sport Psychologist

July 5th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how fear can inhibit or motivate your performance.

Tue, 14 Jul 2020 15:05:00 GMT

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July 5th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how fear can inhibit or motivate your performance.

June 28th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how focus and distractions effect concentration

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:05:00 GMT

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June 28th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how focus and distractions effect concentration

June 21st, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses the role fathers play on Father’s Day

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:04:00 GMT

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June 21st, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses the role fathers play on Father's Day

June 14th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs Talks About The Issue Of Mental Health in Sports

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:03:00 GMT

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June 14th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs Talks About The Issue Of Mental Health in Sports

June 7th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks With Jets Defensive End Jordan Willis About How Sports Can Heal

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:02:00 GMT

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June 7th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks With Jets Defensive End Jordan Willis About How Sports Can Heal

May 31st, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs Talks With Wake Forest Senior Associate AD Murphy Grant

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:01:00 GMT

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May 31st, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs Talks With Wake Forest Senior Associate AD Murphy Grant

May 24th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs discusses how trust, respect and confidence effect returning to sport

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:00:00 GMT

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May 24th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs discusses how trust, respect and confidence effect returning to sport

May 17th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks With 2 Youth Coaches About The Return Of Sports

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 15:00:00 GMT

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May 17th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks With 2 Youth Coaches About The Return Of Sports

May 3rd, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks to Gymnastics Coach Jenessa Collins about Youth Sports

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 14:59:00 GMT

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May 3rd, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks to Gymnastics Coach Jenessa Collins about Youth Sports

April 26th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks With KU Youth Sports Medicine Program Director Doug Wiesner

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 14:57:00 GMT

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April 26th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks With KU Youth Sports Medicine Program Director Doug Wiesner

April 19th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses coping with life today and how to find the positives

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 14:56:00 GMT

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April 19th, 2020 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses coping with life today and how to find the positives

April 12th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks with Sport Therapist, Gary Bloom in Oxford, England

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 20:51:00 GMT

April 5th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks About Life Psychology

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 20:50:00 GMT

March 29th, 2020 – Dr. Jacobs Talks to Sport Psychology Consultant Stephen Renwick in England

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 20:48:00 GMT

November 17th, 2019 – Dr. Andrew Jacobs Talks With Callers About The Myles Garrett Situation

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 16:11:00 GMT

The Importance of Self Confidence

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 14:39:00 GMT

The Role Of Mental Health In Sports

Tue, 22 Oct 2019 16:25:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses the role of mental health in sports with Dr. Rory Murphy

Winning Vs. Having Fun

Tue, 08 Oct 2019 21:40:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs interviews Michelle Holmes of the Michelle Holmes School of Golf about her philosophy of teaching and on winning vs having fun.

September 22nd, 2019 – Dr. Jacobs interviews Brad Sweeten

Sun, 29 Sep 2019 03:56:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs interviews Brad Sweeten, Athletics Director at Center High School in Kansas City about coaches who insult their young athletes.

September 15th, 2019 – Dr. Jacobs discusses coaches who become abusive

Sun, 29 Sep 2019 03:53:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses abusive coaches and the impact they have on kids.

Dr. Jacobs discusses when it’s time to quit as an athlete

Fri, 06 Sep 2019 14:28:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses when it’s time to hang it up as an athlete and how you handle that.

The mental health of professional athletes

Fri, 30 Aug 2019 00:16:00 GMT

The Psychology Of Coming Back From Injuries

Wed, 21 Aug 2019 23:38:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs interviews Paul McGannon, the Founder and President of NHL21, and the Founder and President of Sports Rehab. They discuss the psychology of coming back from injuries.

August 11th, 2019 – Dr. Jacobs discusses how to get mentally prepared to compete

Thu, 15 Aug 2019 12:44:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how to get mentally prepared to compete.

August 4th, 2019 – Dr. Jacobs how to deal with a negative coach

Thu, 15 Aug 2019 12:43:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how deal with a negative coach and the emphasis on winning at all costs.

July 28, 2019 – Dr. Jacobs Interviews Dani Welniak, Sports Director of KCTV5 News

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 19:09:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs interviews Dani Welniak, Sports Director of KCTV5 News about women and girls in sports.

July 21, 2019 – Dr. Jacobs Discusses How To Coach Losing

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 17:43:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs how to coach losing and failure in sports, both from the perspective of the coach and the athlete..

How Do Coaches Help Or Hurt Psychologically?

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 15:16:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about how coaches can damage you psychologically and what training coaches have.

When Should Young Athletes Start To Specialize?

Thu, 13 Jun 2019 01:05:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about when young athletes should start to specialize and focus on particular sports.

Parent Involvement in Youth Sports

Fri, 24 May 2019 16:05:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with Chris Cissell, coach of the Missouri-Kansas City Women’s Soccer team about parent involvement in youth sports.

Out of Control Parents at Youth Sports Games

Wed, 15 May 2019 20:35:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with former referee and Strength and Conditioing Coach Brian Ciolek about out of control parents at youth sports games.

Managing Sports Injuries

Wed, 08 May 2019 17:08:00 GMT

This week on the Sport Psychology Hour, Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with father and son chiropractors Evan and Chip Mladenoff about treating sports injuries.

April 7th, 2019 – What Coaching Style Works For You?

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 12:42:00 GMT

October 9, 2016: What age should kids start playing organized sports?

Sun, 09 Oct 2016 13:06:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs asks, when should kids start playing organized sports? Dr. Jacobs talks with callers about their experiences and pinpoints the most important factors for children playing sports.

October 2, 2016: Interview with tennis pro John Bregin

Sun, 02 Oct 2016 12:50:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs interviews tennis pro John Bregin about tennis, winning and losing, and the state of youth sports.

September 25, 2016: Coach-Athlete Communication

Sun, 25 Sep 2016 13:27:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses the importance of coach-athlete communication in light of recent events at Shawnee Mission South.

September 18, 2016: What it takes to overcome negativity

Sun, 18 Sep 2016 13:05:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses what it takes for a team to mount a comeback, why winning teams can become overconfident, and the importance of overcoming negative mindsets in sports.

September 11, 2016: The role of sports in light of 9/11

Sun, 11 Sep 2016 13:09:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with callers about the role of sports in society and how it has changed since 9/11.

September 4, 2016: Athletes in society with Kevin Wall

Sun, 04 Sep 2016 13:01:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs is joined by former Kansas City Comets broadcaster and talk radio host Kevin Wall to talk about the role of athletes in society, Ryan Lochte, Colin Kaepernick and more.

August 28, 2016: Emotional Maturity of Athletes

Sun, 28 Aug 2016 13:03:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about Ryan Lochte and the issue of emotional maturity in athletes. Plus, Dr. Jacobs talks with callers about egos in youth sports and how sports psychology can impact day-to-day life.

August 21, 2016: Hall of Fame Olympic swimming coach Pete Malone

Sun, 21 Aug 2016 13:23:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs is joined by Hall of Fame swimming coach Pete Malone to talk about cheating in the Olympics.

August 14, 2016: Sportsmanship in the Olympics

Sun, 14 Aug 2016 13:02:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about the latest stories from the Olympics that illustrate examples of poor sportsmanship and asks what young athletes can learn from Rio.

July 31, 2016: Why do athletes cheat and not follow the Olympic creed?

Sun, 31 Jul 2016 13:10:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about cheating leading up to Olympics and asks, why do athletes cheat and not follow the Olympic creed?

July 24, 2016: What comes first, success or self-confidence?

Wed, 27 Jul 2016 22:51:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs asks listeners what comes first: building self-confidence or finding success? Plus, what are some ways that confidence can be built and success can be achieved?

June 26, 2016: Parents as coaches

Sun, 26 Jun 2016 13:09:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with parents and coaches about the advantages and struggles of parents coaching their kids.

June 19, 2016: Father’s Day Show

Sun, 19 Jun 2016 13:07:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about the importance of fathers and hears stories from callers about their experiences with their dads.

June 12, 2016: When an athlete’s ego is bigger than the team

Sun, 12 Jun 2016 13:06:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses how to handle athletes with egos in light of Yordano Ventura’s suspension. Plus, talking with callers about challenges in youth sports.

June 5, 2016: Coaches, egos, and communication

Sun, 05 Jun 2016 13:07:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses the role of coaches in sports and if they should check their egos at the door before entering the field of competition. He discusses this with callers and gets their input and feedback about coaches, egos, and communication.

May 22, 2016: Interview with Bill McDonald

Sun, 22 May 2016 13:03:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs is joined by Bill McDonald, 49-year head baseball coach at Shawnee Mission South and Blue Valley West to talk about coaching and youth sports.

May 15, 2016: Building mental toughness

Sun, 15 May 2016 13:13:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with callers about how mental toughness can be built or destroyed by coaches.

May 8, 2016: Mother’s Day Show

Sun, 08 May 2016 13:06:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks about Mother’s Day and honoring your mother. Plus, should we have youth sporting events on Mother’s Day?

Family and Sports

Thu, 05 May 2016 15:10:00 GMT

Like many, recently I was intrigued with the story about Adam LaRoche and his son Drake. LaRoche was the first basemen for the Chicago White Sox and had been a long time major league ballplayer. His 14 year old son has been his constant companion at the ball park for years. When he signed his contract with the White Sox, he worked out an arrangement to be able to bring Drake with him to the park daily. Drake even had his own locker and uniform. Apparently, Drake had been accompanying his father to the ballpark most of his life and was well mannered and respected by his father’s teammates. However, this spring, the White Sox general manager, Kenny Williams, decided Drake was at the ballpark too much and asked Adam to cut back on the amount of time Drake was with him. Adam didn’t agree with this request because it went against his original agreement with the White Sox. Rather, than going along with this request, he abruptly retired, giving up a $13 million salary. It has been well documented that he has made over $70 million in his baseball career, so financial concerns were not an issue for him. His statements have emphasized that his son is his best friend and that he wants to be around him as much as possible, and that this was more important to him than playing this year for the White Sox.

One of the issues that this has come to mind for me with this situation has been the relationship between family and sports. Over the years I have spoken with numerous people who have had conflicts with their child’s sport participation when it conflicted with a family activity. As Mother’s Day is approaching, it brought to mind a situation that occurred several years ago. When my sons played premier soccer, their teams played in tournaments on Mother’s Day. Several parents complained about this when the coach discussed the schedule, emphasizing that this should be a day about family, but the team played in the tournament anyway. Several years ago a mother called my radio show discussing her 8th grade daughter’s conflict after she tried out and made the high school cheer squad. The coach had a meeting for the parents and stated that practices were mandatory accept for severe illness or hospitalization. The mother told the coach that they were going on a cruise for her parents 50th wedding anniversary over the winter break. The coach told them that they would be having practice over the break (even though school was not in session for two weeks) and that it was mandatory to be there with no exceptions. The mother explained the situation and that this trip had been planned for several years. The coach made it very clear either she came to practice and was part of the team, or would be kicked off the team if she went on the cruise. Even though her family had a long history at the school, her daughter transferred to another school, and made the cheer squad there. Her mother explained the cruise situation to the coach at this school. The coach told her family activities like this were more important and that her daughter should go on the cruise and would have her spot on the team when she returned. They had voluntary practice over the winter break, and weren’t penalized if they didn’t attend.

As school is about to end, and the summer break begins, the conflicts about practices, games and family activities will occur. Obviously, if your child is on a team, it is important to have that pre-season meeting and discuss with the coaches what the schedule will be and what the attendance requirements are regarding practices and games. Once you know the team schedule, you should communicate with the coaches about any conflicts you may have, especially if it is a family activity. Most coaches are going to want all their athletes at practices and competitions, but I believe it is your responsibility as a parent to bring up the potential conflicts before the season starts and decide what the priority should be. As a parent of two adult children, this was an issue we discussed numerous times and in the end, my sons and I decided that family should always come first,
but we made sure that any conflicts were always discussed with the coach at the beginning of the season. As always, your thoughts…

May 1, 2015: When Does Winning Begin To Matter?

Sun, 01 May 2016 13:16:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses the topic of age group championships for young children in youth sports and asks, at what age should winning begin to matter?

April 24, 2016: Injuries with Dr. Steve Joyce

Sun, 24 Apr 2016 13:14:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses injuries in sports with Dr. Steve Joyce of Dickson-Diveley Orthopaedics.

April 17, 2016: Concussions with Dr. Chip and Dr. Evan Mladenoff

Sun, 17 Apr 2016 13:14:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs discusses concussions – including causes and treatment – with Dr. Chip and Dr. Evan Mladenoff of the Mladenoff Clinic in Overland Park, Kansas.

April 10, 2016: The Keys to Great Coaching

Sun, 10 Apr 2016 13:19:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses the keys to great coaching and talks to callers about their experiences as parents, coaches and players.

April 3, 2016: Mental Keys to Success in Sports

Sun, 03 Apr 2016 13:04:00 GMT

Dr. Andrew Jacobs talks with callers about the mental keys to success in sports.

March 27, 2016: Baseball and Family with Brian McRae

Sun, 27 Mar 2016 13:05:00 GMT

Former Royal Brian McRae joins Dr. Andy Jacobs to discuss how to balance sports and family in light of Adam LaRoche’s retirement from the Chicago White Sox.

March 20, 2016: Upsets In March Madness

Sun, 20 Mar 2016 13:07:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks about the anatomy of an upset, especially during the NCAA Tournament. He discusses factors that impact confident teams, team chemistry, talent vs. experience, and much more.

March 13, 2016: Interview with KU’s Calvin Thompson

Sun, 13 Mar 2016 13:15:00 GMT

Dr. Andy Jacobs talks with former Kansas Jayhawk Calvin Thompson about Kansas basketball, the NCAA tournament, and the differences between confidence and cockiness.

February 29, 2016: Interview with Mike Gage

Sat, 05 Mar 2016 13:20:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs interviews Mike Gage regarding the suicide of his stepdaughter, a high school soccer player. Dr. Jacobs also discusses factors involved in how people can be more aware of stressors and pressures on young people today.

Just Let Em Play: Guiding Parents, Coaches and Athletes Through Youth Sports

Tue, 23 Feb 2016 15:05:00 GMT

For the past several years, I have been encouraged by many to write a book about my experiences as a sport psychologist. As I contemplated the possibility of putting a manuscript together, I surveyed the literature to see what types of books were written about sport psychology, winning and losing, sportsmanship and how sport has changed over my past 35 years in sport psychology. However, the one area that kept pulling me was the topic of youth sports. If you have been getting my newsletters, you know that this has been one of my passions because I see the tremendous damage so many young athletes are experiencing. Pushy parents, untrained coaches and an increasing demand to start signing kids up to play on a team at younger and younger ages led me to decide to write a book about youth sports.

Once I decided that this is what I wanted to do, I knew it needed to have not only my input, but the opinions of a successful coach and athlete. Consequently, I asked three time Major League All-Star pitcher and Kansas City Royals Hall of Famer Jeff Montgomery, and Olympic Hall of Fame swim coach, Peter Malone to join me on this project. I asked them for three reasons. First, they are both extremely successful in their respective sports. Second, I have known both of them on a professional basis and have tremendous respect for them. Third, Jeff coached my oldest son on his youth baseball team and Pete coached my youngest son through his college career as a swimmer. We joined forces with established writer, Matt Fulks and are proud to announce that our book, “Just Let Em Play: Guiding Parents, Coaches and Athletes through Youth Sports” is now available. The book was published by Ascend Publishers.

Our book discusses the world of youth sports. We believe we have addressed the topics that can assist parents, coaches, athletes and officials. Some of the topics that are covered include the following: When and why should I sign my child up for a team? How can embracing failure lead to fun? What are the roles of coaches, parents and officials and how do they impact the athlete? Why is communication so important for all involved? What happens when my child either wants to quit or move up from a recreational to competitive team? How to deal with all of the negativity and pressure that is growing in youth sports. How can a coach make the sports a learning experience but one that is fun? Should I coach my child? What do we do about participation trophies? What are the harsh realities you have to deal with? How do we balance out sport, school and family? Why should sportsmanship be a priority? We also have a chapter by nationally renowned orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Steve Joyce, discussing youth sport injuries. And we have a chapter that is a summary of opinions from elite high school athletes about their views on sport.

The book is now available on my website, www.winnersunlimited.com, and is on amazon.com and barnesandnoble.com. I’d appreciate any feedback and comments should you purchase the book. Our goal in writing the manuscript was to assist everyone in the world of youth sports and make it a positive experience for all. As the title says, Just Let Em Play.

February 21, 2016: Mental Health of Athletes

Sun, 21 Feb 2016 14:11:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses the importance of mental health in sports. He talks about what coaches should do when an athlete is troubled and how to talk to them about the issue.

February 14, 2016: Learning from Losing

Sun, 14 Feb 2016 14:13:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses Cam Newton’s behavior after the Super Bowl in his postgame press conference and how this can be the most teachable moment from this year’s Super Bowl.

January, 31, 2016: The Impact of Fan Behavior

Sun, 31 Jan 2016 14:08:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses and talks with callers about the roles fans can play in sporting events at all levels. He also talks about the importance of separating yourself from your sports teams.

January 24, 2016: The Importance of Sportsmanship

Sun, 24 Jan 2016 14:11:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks with callers about the importance of sportsmanship vs. an emphasis on winning.

January 17, 2016: Dealing with disappointment when your team loses

Sun, 17 Jan 2016 14:09:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks about the Kansas City Chiefs playoff loss to the New England Patriots and how fans, coaches, and players can deal with disappointment.

As A Parent, Coach or Athlete, What Would You Do?

Tue, 12 Jan 2016 04:40:00 GMT

I recently had an interesting conversation with the mother of a high school soccer player. Her son is a 16 year old high school junior who attends a private school and is having some issues with his coach that has put them in a dilemma. I am writing this newsletter to see what feedback you will have as a coach, parent or athlete. I have advised both the parent and athlete about my thoughts regarding what to do, but would like to hear feedback from you about your opinions. Once I receive feedback from several subscribers, I will publish them in an updated newsletter. Here is the situation.

This young man is one of the better players on the team and has been a starter. Last year as a sophomore, he was also starting until he suffered an injury. The background about this injury will lead us up to this year’s issue. This young man left town over last year’s winter break for two weeks on a family vacation. Prior to leaving for the holiday break, he was not informed that there would be any practices for the soccer team. Upon coming back to school on the Monday after the break, the team members were told that all of the athletes who did not attend any practices over the break would have to run 15 minutes of non-stop suicides. (Essentially this is running non-stop sprints). They were informed that if they didn’t do the drills, they would not play in the next game. Even though neither he nor his teammates knew anything about practices over the break, he ran the drills. That evening when he got home he complained about severe pain and in the following morning his mother took him to the Emergency Room where he was diagnosed with Rhabdomyolysis, a severe muscle injury that can lead to kidney failure. One of the causes of this is from excessive exertion and dehydration from over exercising that can result in muscle mass breakdown. He was hospitalized for a week and did not return to the soccer team for almost 3 weeks. The coach and the school did not feel they were at fault. Even though the mother spoke with them about the situation, they did not feel they had done anything wrong. Her son’s physician advised him to be extremely careful about over exertion and that he needed to be very aware of constantly hydrating while exercising. He finished out the season with the team, but never felt totally back to 100%.

This year he once again made the team. His mother went to the coach’s pre-season meeting. Nothing was stated about there being any practices over the winter break. Approximately a week before the break began, her son received an email from the team manager that stated there would be a training camp over the break for those players who were available to attend, but it was totally optional and not required. His family had plans to leave town over the break and after receiving the email, he wasn’t concerned about missing the training camp. However, when he came back to school the Monday after the break, the coach told the team that there would be consequences for the athletes who missed the training camp. If they missed one day of camp they would have to run two miles, two days run five miles, three or more days run 15 miles. These miles had to be run by Thursday (3 days later) or they would not be allowed to play in the game.
Needless to say, his mother was furious, but her son, angry as well, didn’t want his mother to speak to the coach because he wanted to play. He didn’t feel it was fair, but was also afraid to speak with the coach for fear of coming across as weak and being selfish. He also doesn’t want his mother to say anything to the school because he was afraid he would lose playing time if she complained about the coach. He began running at practice. The first day after running between two to three miles, he started walking because of a fear of overexertion. The coach informed him that walking didn’t count and he had to run to reach the 15 miles. This young man reminded the coach about his hospital stay from last years and that he needed to listen to his body about his limitations. The coach didn’t seem to care or be concerned about this. Even though he ran about eight miles, not the required 15, he ended up playing in half the game on Thursday, because the team “needed him”.

I have shared my opinions about the situation with the mother and her son. So my question to you is: What would you do as a parent in this situation? What would you have your son (or daughter) do in this situation? And what reasoning would you have for your answers? As a coach, how would you handle this situation? And finally as an athlete, what would you do?

As always, I am looking forward to your responses……

January 10, 2016: Why Attitude is Everything

Sun, 10 Jan 2016 14:17:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks about the role attitude has played in the Chiefs’ eleven-game winning streak and how it played a role in the Cincinnati Bengals’ collapsing in their loss to Pittsburgh in the playoffs.

January 3, 2016: Qualities of Effective Coaching

Sun, 10 Jan 2016 14:14:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs begins his 25th year on radio talking about the qualities of effective and ineffective coaches. He talks with callers about their beliefs and experiences and gives suggestions in how coaches can become more successful.

Sport Psych: How Believing Leads to Success, Dec. 27 2015

Sun, 27 Dec 2015 14:10:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks with callers about the power of believing and discusses why having a positive mindset can help anyone have success.

How Do You Handle Being a Role Player

Tue, 22 Dec 2015 23:25:00 GMT

As we enter the middle of winter, I am working with numerous team sport participants who are frustrated with their roles on their respective teams. Players on basketball, volleyball, football and soccer have all been consulting with me about they’re playing time, or lack of it. Whether it be on a club or high school team, many of these athletes have been upset because they are either not starting or not getting many minutes in their games. And several of them have been very vocal about how they believe they are better than the players ahead of them. As long as there are sport teams with more players than positions, there will always be frustrated athletes, parents and coaches as well.

If you have read my newsletters, you know that I like to say, “A good coach is a good psychologist and a bad coach needs a sport psychologist”. I believe one of the most difficult roles a coach has is making everyone on the team happy, because it rarely happens. There are always going to be frustrated athletes for a variety of reasons. Playing time is usually the most common problem most coaches have to deal with. Whether it is an unhappy athlete or a steaming parent, a coach needs to know how to communicate clearly about their decisions about who starts, who is first off the bench and why he/she has made these choices.

In my opinion, the key to dealing with this starts in the pre-season meeting.
Before the season begins, a coach should explain his/her coaching philosophy about who starts, who comes off the bench and how and why these choices are made. By doing this in the pre-season meeting, you are setting up the foundation for the choices you make during the season. I believe one of the keys to this is establishing a communication channel for athletes and parents who will inevitably get frustrated as the season progresses. I know many coaches, especially in high school, will not speak with parents about this issue after the season begins. I feel once an athlete enters high school, they should have the self-confidence to be able to ask questions to their respective coach. However, many athletes have told me that they are ignored by their coach and eventually ask their parents for help. Often times, when the parent gets involved it can get ugly and confrontational. Effective and successful coaches understand this and usually are good at explaining why certain athletes start and what others roles are. They usually set up a communication channel that can give the athlete an opportunity to speak with the coach, which can eliminate getting parents involved.

However, many athletes are still frustrated even when they can speak with their coach about their role. The word “fairness” is commonly brought up in the conversation, with many athletes complaining that it’s not fair that they are either not starting or not playing enough. In our sessions, we often discuss that to give themselves the best chance of playing, they need to first focus on what they have control over. They can’t force the coach to play them, but they can impress the coaching staff with their attitude and effort in practice. I commonly suggest that they need to make their practices, their games. Approach practice as if it is the actual game with a positive attitude, and putting out the effort that can impress the coaches. In their discussions with the coaches, don’t complain about why they aren’t playing enough, instead ask the coaches what areas of their performance they need to improve on and set goals to work on these areas. Even though they may not change the coach’s decisions, they will eventually set themselves up for success. In the long run by doing this, they will not only improve their chances to play, but improve their skills as well. Many athletes are told that their role is to come off the bench and be ready when their name is called. By accepting this is their role and understanding this is how the coach feels they can help the team, they give themselves the best chance to impress the coach with their attitude and eventually have the opportunity for more playing time.

As always, your thoughts….

December 13, 2015: The Role of a Roleplayer

Sun, 13 Dec 2015 14:08:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses with callers how a roleplayer can build his or her confidence, develop a positive attitude, and be mentally prepared to play a game. He also talks about the importance of communication between coaches and athletes.

December 6, 2015: How to Handle Winning/Losing Streaks

Sun, 06 Dec 2015 14:10:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses how to react to winning and losing streaks, how to psychologically succeed when you’re winning, and how to overcome negativity when you’re losing.

November 29, 2015: Olympic Swim Coach Pete Malone

Sun, 29 Nov 2015 14:24:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs and Coach Pete Malone discuss how parents and coaches can communicate better and deal with issues that effect athletes in the world of sports and discuss their new book, Just Let ‘Em Play.

November 22, 2015: What do you learn from losing?

Sun, 22 Nov 2015 14:19:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks with callers about how failure and losing can lead to the greatest lessons to learn from in sports. He talks about the difference between winning and losing, how failure is inevitable, and how confidence can be destroyed when learning from failure is not taught the right way.

November 15, 2015: The Impact Of Sports In Society

Sun, 15 Nov 2015 14:08:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses the important role of sports in life and society and talks with callers about the positive and negative impact sports have in their lives.

November 8, 2015: Concussions with NFL PT Craig Klos

Sun, 08 Nov 2015 14:11:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs talks with NFL ATC/PT Craig Klos about concussions and their treatment and prevention.

The Power of Believing

Tue, 03 Nov 2015 15:20:00 GMT

On November 1, the Kansas City Royals won the World Series. That’s right, they won the World Series! For years the Royals have been one of the doormats in the American League. I should know. I have lived in Kansas City most of my life and have twice been the team psychologist for the team. The Royals have been the target of comedians for years as their record has been one of the worst in the American League. But…. things have changed. Last year the Royals lost in Game 7 of the World Series with the tying run on third base in the bottom of the ninth. This year, from spring training on, they had a vision, a commitment , a goal of being the victors in the World Series, and they did it.

There are obviously a wide variety of reasons why the Royals were victorious. They have a number of tremendously talented young players mixed with several veterans who understand the ups and downs of professional baseball. The general manager of the Royals, Dayton Moore, had a vision when he was hired in June 2006. He said it would take several years of developing young players who understood not only how to physically play the game, but the mental side as well. His patience has paid off with a team in the World Series the past two years.

How did this team win it this year? First, they had the best record in the American League’s regular season. But, more impressively, they had seven come from behind victories in their 16 playoff games. Several times it appeared that they would lose the game they were playing, including their victory to clinch the World Series, but each time they were able to find a way to win each game. So what is their secret? I believe a great deal of it had to do with attitude. And when I say attitude, I mean a positive, confident mindset that has no room for negativity. How often have you behind in a game or athletic event in the late stages of the contest and essentially given up because you were so far behind? Most people give up because their thought process has been conditioned to think negatively. When you are behind in the tennis or golf match, the race or the game, you probably start thinking about how bad you are, why you are terrible and begin to feel sorry for yourself. That is exactly the opposite of what the Royals players were doing. It didn’t matter if it was the first inning or the last inning, they truly believed that they could win the game. And most of the time they did. Why? It wasn’t just because their confidence was very strong, it was because they had conditioned themselves collectively to believe that no matter what the circumstance they still had a chance.

During the past 35 years working as a sport psychologist, I have had the privilege to have worked with so many great individuals. Many had tremendous physical talents, but many did not. However, what the less physically talented athletes who reached success had, was an incredible mental will, ability, belief that they would accomplish their goals. I believe one of the main reasons they had this ability was that they had learned at a younger level what failure was about. They learned not to fear it, but to embrace the moment when things weren’t going their way and to attack it. For so many athletes, fear of failure and the taste of failing is scary, difficult to deal with and overwhelmingly negative. When this negative thinking takes over it is extremely difficult to overcome it. Research has shown that for the average person it takes 12 positive statements to overcome one negative. Thats correct, 12 positive statements!! I think for superior athletes it takes about six or seven, not 12, because they know they can do it.

The Kansas City Royals collectively have been a great example of this mindset. Despite being down so many times in the playoffs, they had the collective belief that they could and would come back to win their games and almost always they did. I feel they are a great example of how not just having a positive mental attitude is important, but not allowing negativity to become a factor in they’re thinking. If you read quotes from the players, they consistently said that they always felt they would and could come back no matter how far behind they might have been, and they almost always did.

If you have read my newsletters, you know one of my favorite beliefs is: “You can two athletes or teams who are physically the same, but the one with the stronger mind will come out on top”.

As always, your thoughts….

October 25, 2015: Building Confidence, Not Arrogance

Sun, 25 Oct 2015 13:07:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses how athletes/teams can maintain a high level of self-confidence but not become arrogant or lose their confidence and become passive. He talks with numerous callers and gives advice.

October 18, 2015: Why Successful Teams Keep Playing Until the Game is Finished

Sat, 24 Oct 2015 14:33:00 GMT

Dr. Jacobs discusses why successful athletes and teams believe in competing until the game is done. He talks with callers about why the teams that succeed always believe they will accomplish their goals and don’t think about failure as an option.

October 4, 2015: The Art of Focusing

Sun, 04 Oct 2015 13:10:00 GMT

September 27, 2015: Motivation Styles for Coaches

Sun, 27 Sep 2015 13:15:00 GMT

September 20, 2015 Emotions of Being a Fan

Thu, 24 Sep 2015 21:47:00 GMT

September 13, 2015 Sportsmanship

Tue, 15 Sep 2015 21:50:00 GMT

August 30th, 2015 Do you play differently under pressure?

Sat, 05 Sep 2015 21:46:00 GMT

August 23, 2015 Perfection in Sports

Wed, 26 Aug 2015 21:55:00 GMT

August 16, 2015 Tribute to Bob Timmons

Mon, 17 Aug 2015 23:38:00 GMT

August 9, 2015 Interview with Pete Malone

Sun, 09 Aug 2015 13:12:00 GMT

August 2, 2015 Responding to Failure in Sports

Sun, 02 Aug 2015 13:17:00 GMT

July 26, 2015 Playing Time

Sun, 02 Aug 2015 13:12:00 GMT

The Dilemma of Playing Time

Thu, 30 Jul 2015 21:15:00 GMT

If you have had children playing sports at the youth or high school level, you have probably encountered this issue, ”Playing time”. Whether at the rec or elite level in youth sports, or on a high school team, the issue of who gets to play, who gets to start and what happens when you don’t get equal playing time as others (especially the coach’s child) can become a major topic for parents, coaches and athletes alike. Throughout my 34 years practicing as a sport psychologist, this has been an issue for many. And it is not just a topic for younger athletes, I have had to handle this situation with collegiate, Olympic and professional athletes as well.

No matter what level of sport you are competing at, you are going to want to play. I have never met a competitive athlete who enjoys sitting on the bench. Obviously, as you advance and age up in your sport, the competition for playing time gets more intense, as the less talented athletes will drop out and the athletes left playing will have goals and dreams of advancing as far as they can, whether that is at the high school, college or professional level. Being on a team and not playing can be extremely frustrating, especially if you have started most of your career in sports. I believe that many of the issues related to this topic can be addressed by the coach in the pre-season meeting.
In this meeting, the coach should describe his philosophy about the upcoming season, goals for the season, rules for attending practices and games and the issue of playing time. Perhaps the most important component of the pre-season meeting should be the topic of communication between coach and athlete and between coach and parent. I think an effective coach will lay out the rules for playing time during this meeting. If it is a rec team where equal playing time takes priority or an elite level team where playing the best players occurs, I believe this is the opportunity for the coach to explain his philosophy. This is also an opportunity for parents and athletes to ask questions about their concerns and establish a constructive dialogue where this issue can be addressed during the season, if necessary. Most coaches don’t like and don’t want to have to discuss playing time once the season begins. They typically want to have the freedom to play whomever they want, whenever they want, without questions from parents or athletes about who is and isn’t starting or playing.

However, the one constant in sports is change. No team stays the same year after year. And, coaches have the right to change their minds. But, the issue that occurs related to playing time that bothers most is the fact that many coaches don’t follow thru on their pre-season meeting objectives. Why? I think the main reason has to do with the topic of Winning. Even though many coaches will state in their pre-season meeting that the goals for the season are to have fun, play, learn skills and fundamentals and enjoy the experience, at some point for many, Winning/Losing come into play. And, when Winning and Losing become important to the coach and the team, usually the best players will start and have the most playing time, while the other players and their parents can get frustrated and angry at the coach, as well as at the other players and their parents. I have seen this happen first hand when my sons (now 24 and 25 years old) played on their youth teams, as well as having dozens of clients who have had this as their presenting problem, when coming into my office.

Another frustration that can happen for many at higher levels of competition, relates to the athlete who comes to all of the practices on time, does everything the coach requests and still gets minimal playing time or rarely gets to start. Instead, others get more playing time and start more often because the coach believes they are better and give the team a better chance to win, even if they frequently don’t come to practice or show up late. I have found this to be a cause of many frustrations and angst for athletes and parents alike.

So how do we solve this? As I have emphasized in previous newsletters, so much of this comes back to communication. If you or your child gets frustrated because of a lack of playing time as the season progresses, it is imperative to set up a meeting with the coach or coaching staff. In my opinion, there is a constructive way to do this and a destructive way to do this. Obviously, if your child isn’t getting the playing time they feel they deserve, the negative feelings about this will be very strong. So the worst thing to do is to go up to the coach after a game or practice and tell the coach you are angry and upset at him about your child’s lack of playing time. This will almost always put the coach on the defensive because he will feel he is being attacked, and consequently, will not give you an answer you want. I feel the constructive method is to tell the coach that you and your child are having an issue that you’d like to share with him. Tell him that it is your personal issue and you need to get some advice and clarity about how to deal with it. Then you can get into your child’s frustrations and discuss what you can do to help your child overcome this. I would also emphasize that you come into the meeting with a list of issues written out, so you don’t forget something, and to remind you to be relaxed. Understand that you may not get the answer you are looking for, but know that at least you made an attempt to solve this problem. I have found that in many situations, the coach was not even aware of the young athletes frustrations. If you make this effort with the coach and nothing changes, it can always be a valid reason to move to another team the following season. As always, your thoughts…..

July 19, 2015 Bruce Chen Interview

Thu, 23 Jul 2015 00:38:00 GMT

July 12, 2015 Coaching Leadership and Communication

Sun, 12 Jul 2015 13:13:00 GMT

June 28, 2015 Mental Preparation and Visualization

Sun, 28 Jun 2015 13:07:00 GMT

June 21, 2015 Fathers Day Show

Sun, 21 Jun 2015 13:08:00 GMT

June 14, 2015 Coaching Abuse

Sun, 14 Jun 2015 13:09:00 GMT

June 7th, 2015 How to Deal with Losing in Sports

Sun, 07 Jun 2015 13:09:00 GMT

What Has Happened to Play?

Mon, 01 Jun 2015 12:43:00 GMT

Last week, I participated in a video conference on the state of youth sports. For those of you who have been subscribing to my newsletter for the past several years, you know that I have written numerous articles about how youth sports has been changing. I have spoken about this topic on my radio show for years and in many of the speeches I have presented to youth sport groups. As I listened to several of the presenters at the conference, my beliefs were validated. A large amount of research is being conducted by many with similar concerns as I have shared. One recent survey found that from 2008 to 2013, the number of kids participating in youth sports dropped from 9 million to 8.2 million. Several reasons were given regarding this drop of almost one million young people. There have been cuts to the number of intramural teams in middle schools, physical education has been eliminated in many schools, there has been a marginalization of recreational leagues in the inner city, and casual and pick-up play has significantly decreased. Many schools have also eliminated recess during school. Specifically, the number one reason why there has been such a sharp drop was overwhelmingly voiced by many young people, “It’s just not fun anymore”.

Research is now starting to focus on the importance that has been placed on “winning” at young ages vs. the importance of learning the benefits that you can gain from participating in sports. Youth sports has become a lucrative business for many. Money can be made in a variety of areas, from equipment and clothing suppliers, to producing awards, to putting on tournaments, as well as from coaching. For many, the costs of joining a team have become extravagant. If your child is on an elite or traveling team, you will pay not only for coaching and team fees, but for traveling to out of town tournaments. This can include hotels, food and gas, as well as tournament fees. I have often heard about coaches who decide in the middle of their season, that they want to enter a tournament they didn’t discuss in the pre-season meeting (if they had one!). This can bring on additional costs you may not have planned for. Many parents have told me, they can’t say no to participating for fear of their child being ostracized by the coach. For many, taking on this additional cost can financially strain them.

One of my major concerns for today’s youth is that you rarely go by an elementary or middle school and see a group of kids playing without a parent either coaching or supervising them. Obviously, in today’s society, safety has become a significant factor. But, when was the last time you saw a group of kids just playing? It appears that almost every sports practice is an organized activity with parental supervision. Many of these practices are structured activities with adults taking the kids thru the practice. I have asked many of the young people I see in my office when was the last time they played a sport with their friends without being at an organized practice, and almost all have stated that they haven’t. They don’t play have time to “play” with their friends because they are overwhelmed with organized practices, homework and other activities. Essentially, they are too tired to just go play.

So what do we do? It would be great to turn back the calendar 30 years in the youth sports world where all of the organized and structured activities were just starting. But, that isn’t going to happen. I feel we need to give kids the opportunity to play in order to create, to use their imagination and freedom to solve problems without a parent, teacher or coach telling them what to do. One suggestion if for coaches to have a practice a week where the kids just play without any supervision or direction. Just let the kids pick sides and play a game on their own. Let them solve their problems without parental involvement. This can give them the opportunity to learn how to problem solve on their own. Another suggestions is to let the kids design their own practice and tell the coaches what they would like to work on. Getting them involved in the decision making can also benefit their ability to use their imagination in order to grow emotionally and psychologically. Also, don’t over involve your kids in too many activities so that they don’t have any free time of their own. Let them have free time to make their own choices about what activities they want to get involved in.

These are just a few ideas that can help kids have fun and just be able to “play” and have fun with youth sports. As always, your thoughts…

May 31, 2015 Why Has Happened to Play, an Interview with Tennis Pro, John Waltz

Sun, 31 May 2015 23:09:00 GMT

May 24th, 2015 Coaching Motivation Styles

Sun, 24 May 2015 13:36:00 GMT

May 10th, 2015 The Role of Mom’s in Sports

Sun, 24 May 2015 13:34:00 GMT

May 3, 2015: Talent vs. Character

Sun, 03 May 2015 16:07:00 GMT

April 26, 2015: Emotion in Sports

Sun, 26 Apr 2015 15:45:00 GMT

April 19, 2015: The Difference between Winning and Losing

Sun, 19 Apr 2015 15:43:00 GMT

How Many Sports Should Your Child Participate In At The Same Time?

Mon, 06 Apr 2015 06:32:00 GMT

As the school year begins to wind down, many parents are in the process of signing up their children for summer sports. One of the common questions I have been asked by several parents is about how many sports or activities their kids can participate in at the same time. Youth sports today has become very focused on specialization. In my opinion, at younger and younger ages kids are being asked to concentrate on one sport year round in order to give themselves the best chance to succeed as they age up into high school and college. There is more and more pressure to start kids as early as four or five, to sign kids up for a sport or activity and the pressure to do so is growing. Organized sport teams are being set up for younger age groups for several reasons. Many see it as a way to develop skills and talents, while others see it as a path to make money. Peer pressure is growing amongst young parents to sign their child up for an activity because of a fear of falling behind others. This is not new. My oldest son is now 25. The day before he began kindergarten, I received a call from a parent who was starting a kindergarten soccer team. He informed me he got my sons name from a list at his school and that he was signing boys up to be on team he would be coaching. When I told him I that we wouldn’t be interested at this time, he told me that I was making a serious mistake because my son would fall behind the other boys and probably not be able to catch up with them. When I responded by saying that I didn’t think he would be falling behind anyone, as he hadn’t even had his first day of kindergarten, the man got somewhat belligerent and told me I obviously didn’t understand sports and hung up on me. Needless to say, he didn’t know what I did for a living. My son became interested in playing soccer several months later and played until his sophomore year in high school at a competitive level. He didn’t fall behind anyone, by not signing up for the kindergarten team.

The decision to sign your child up should be made because it is a decision you, as parents feel comfortable with. Some kids are ready at four or five to start playing and participating in an activity. However, others may not be ready until several years later. The pressure to keep up with everyone else has become more prevalent today and is putting pressure on many to sign their child up at an early age and in many activities. Participating in an activity, whether it is a sport, music, drama or debate can be costly and extremely time consuming. And, if you have more than one child, you may find yourself spread extremely thin, especially if you are a single parent. While many parents I have known have had their child in several activities at once, I have found that participating in two activities in addition to school or summer programs usually is enough for most. I recall one soccer practice my youngest son was at. A mother came to drop off her son about 15 minutes after practice began because he had been coming from his tutor, and had to pick him up before practice ended to get him to swim practice. Needless to say, she was quite stressed.

When I worked as the sport psychologist at the University of Kansas in 1983, Larry Brown was the men’s basketball coach and told me something that has stuck with me over the years. He told me he thought kids should participate in both a team sport and an individual sport. He stated that the team sports taught kids so much about sacrifice, sharing and teamwork, while the individual sports were the best activity to teach a young athlete about building self-confidence. I have followed that belief throughout my years of work and couldn’t agree more.
In the end, it is still up to you as a parent to decide what is best for your child. Don’t feel the pressure to overload your child because everyone else is getting overly involved. Youth sports should be a great learning experience about success and failure and learning skills. But, most importantly it should be about having fun. As always, your thoughts…..

April 5, 2015 The Mental Side of Baseball with former KC Royal, Greg Pryor

Sun, 05 Apr 2015 15:41:00 GMT

March 29, 2015 Self Confidence–How to Build it or Destroy It.

Sun, 29 Mar 2015 13:07:00 GMT

March 21, 2015 Podcast

Sat, 21 Mar 2015 17:16:00 GMT

March 15, 2015 Podcast

Sun, 15 Mar 2015 02:44:00 GMT

March 9, 2015–Self Doubt and Sports

Mon, 09 Mar 2015 13:55:00 GMT

March 1, 2015 Podcast

Sun, 01 Mar 2015 13:53:00 GMT

February 22, 2015 Podcast

Sun, 22 Feb 2015 13:51:00 GMT

The Little League Controversy: Why Adults Can Harm Youth Sports

Thu, 19 Feb 2015 17:51:00 GMT

During the past week, we have heard the story about how the national organization, Little League Baseball, has stripped the 2014 championship from the Chicago area team, Jackie Robinson West, and has suspended its coach for violating a rule that prohibits using players who live outside the geographic area that the team is representing. The team was told that it must forfeit all of its wins from the national tournament. This occurred because it was discovered that team officials had used a fake boundary map to claim top players from neighboring areas to build a superior team. Consequently, the US championship has been awarded to the team from Las Vegas that was defeated in the finals.

According to Little League CEO, Stephen Keener, “We had no choice. We had to maintain the integrity of the Little League program. As painful as this is, it’s a necessary outcome from what we finally have been able to confirm. The real troubling part of this is that we feel horribly for the kids who are involved with this. To the best of our knowledge, they had no knowledge that they were doing anything wrong. There were just kids out playing baseball… This is not an issue that is rampant among Little League programs. This is an isolated case. We’ve only had to take this type of actions three times in our program’s 75 year history.”

As I see it, there are several issues to be addressed here. First, and most importantly, Keener is correct, the young men who were playing baseball were doing nothing wrong. They were just playing games in tournaments. They were on a team that had tremendous success winning games that took them all the way to the Little League World Series, where they lost in the finals to a team from South Korea. They got a lot of national attention along the way, especially because they were a team of African-American young men. Over the past decade, much has been discussed about the fact that there are fewer African-American young men playing baseball because of several issues including a lack of facilities. These young men were not only acknowledged for their success, but also for their expressions of sportsmanship along their journey. They were just a bunch of kids playing baseball and having fun.

I have written several newsletters over the past few years about sportsmanship and the variety of problems associated with it. The second issue I’d like to address pertains to the coach and league administrators with this team. The Little League World Series has become a big event. It is nationally televised and has become highly commercialized. Much has been written about many of the athletes and their families. Mo’ne Davis, a 13 year old girl who helped her team reach the World Series, has received overwhelming publicity. In 2001, it was revealed that Danny Almonte, the star of a team from New York had been playing with a fake birth certificate, and his team was forced to forfeit their third place finish. The desire to win, to be interviewed on tv, radio and social media, and to be acknowledged as the coach of a championship team playing on the national stage has put pressure on many of these coaches and administrators to cheat. The fact that the adults leaders on this team knowingly did what they did, can only be explained that they wanted to win so badly, they would do whatever it took, even if it meant breaking the rules. Keener’s statement that, “This is an isolated case.” is in my opinion a great example of keeping his head in the sand. Cheating goes on at every level of sport, because of “The need to win”. If he thinks this has only happened three times in 75 years, he is not dealing with the reality of what youth sports has become over the past 25 years.

And that takes me to my final point. Why did the Little League organization wait until February 2015 to determine that this team was using ineligible players? The championship was in August of last year. That was 5 months ago!! If the Little League national organization really wants to police and administrate its leagues and teams, I think it should have a better policy in place to check out the credentials of the players and coaches involved before they play in these tournaments. It shouldn’t have taken 5 months to figure out these players were living outside the boundaries of the team. Keener mentions that the kids who played were doing nothing wrong. He’s correct, they were just playing baseball. Now, they have a bigger lesson to learn. Why do adults cheat? The fun is going out of sports at younger and younger ages because of the selfish needs of adults and their need for notoriety and their need to win and not to play by the rules.

As always, your thoughts…

February 15, 2015 Podcast

Sun, 15 Feb 2015 13:51:00 GMT

January 25, 2015 Podcast

Sun, 25 Jan 2015 18:57:00 GMT

When Does Mental Toughness Become Mental Abuse?

Fri, 23 Jan 2015 03:51:00 GMT

Several weeks ago the topic on my weekly radio show (7-8AM central on 810whb.com) was a discussion about when coaches attempt to motivate their players, but go too far. When does the attempt to teach your athletes to become more mentally tough actually become mental abuse? This topic has resulted in several conversations with coaches, athletes and parents about scenarios where this has occurred. “Mental toughness is a collection of attributes that allow a person to persevere through difficult circumstances (such as difficult training or difficult competitive situations in games) and emerge without losing confidence.”
“Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.”

During my 33 years in practice as a psychologist, I have worked with numerous athletes and their parents and with coaches and their teams in an attempt to understand the difference between these two issues. Unfortunately, I have worked with way too many athletes who have been subjected to coaches, who in their attempt to motivate their athletes, have gone over the edge from trying to mentally toughen up their athletes to emotionally harming them to the point that they want to quit the team or the sport all together. I have worked with several athletes who have been subjected to constant verbal abuse, which often will contain personal threats and attacks by the coach in an attempt to “toughen them up because they are too soft”. This has happened with both male and female athletes in numerous sports and with athletes as young as 8 years of age. In the end, almost all of the time, the one constant that occurs from this behavior is a destruction of self-confidence and self-esteem, a desire to quit the sport and the development of a lack of trust of authority figures.

So why does this occur? I believe that most coaches are good people who have their athletes best interest in mind. However, there are a number of coaches, both male and female, who feel the only way to build an athlete’s confidence is by verbally challenging them through intimidation. Many of these individuals were taught this way by the coaches who they played for. One high school football player that I have worked with suffered a severe heat stroke, and was constantly being berated by the position coach on his football team. When this athlete went to get some water, he was verbally berated by his coach in a hostile fashion, yelled at that he was weak and told that he would have never survived playing high school football when the coach played. The temperature on this day was 110 degrees and the player ended up passing out and being taken to a hospital via an ambulance in critical condition. The coach, has never apologized, and told others that he was trying to “toughen up” his players. Obviously, this coach is extremely misguided and biased based on what he believes is the correct way to mentally toughen up an athlete. In my opinion, this coach should have been disciplined and educated about why his behavior was not only incorrect, but also potentially harmful and was an excellent example of mentally abusing an athlete.

Many parents have shared with me stories of verbal abuse by their child’s coach. When I have asked these parents if they have reported the coach to the administration or to the league officials, many have told me they were afraid to, for fear of their child either losing their starting position on the team, or possibly not getting any playing time. In many cases, their lack of assertiveness often comes too late, with their child’s confidence being severely damaged.

I think there are several solutions to this problem. First, it should all focus around communication. Second, coaching education should become a mandatory requirement for coaches at all levels. When you sign your child up for a youth team, or your child makes their high school team, there should always be a preseason meeting with the coach and the parents and athletes. In this meeting, proper channels of communication need to be established for a variety of issues. Coaches should make it clear about their expectations for the season and a discussion about their motivational techniques should take place. A proper channel of communication should exist for problems, especially related to when a coach is pushing too hard. If a coach, in their attempt to motivate the athlete is getting frustrated, I believe this is an excellent time to have a meeting with the athlete about his/her goals and about their personal frustrations. By gaining the trust of the athlete, a coach will have a much better opportunity to challenge the athlete to perform to their potential without the threat of fear. A successful coach will take the time to understand the goals of the athlete, why they are on the team and what motivates them. Good coaches check their ego at the door before they enter the athletic arena. A frustrated coach will allow their personal frustrations to affect their coaching style, and take them out on the athlete.

As I have said before, “A good coach is a good psychologist, a bad coach needs to see a sport psychologist”. As always, your thoughts…

January 11, 2015 Podcast

Sun, 11 Jan 2015 18:57:00 GMT

December 21, 2014: The Role of Sports in Society

Sun, 21 Dec 2014 13:13:00 GMT

December 14, 2014: Communicating with Coaches

Sun, 14 Dec 2014 16:03:00 GMT

December 7, 2014: Negativity In Coaching

Sun, 07 Dec 2014 16:02:00 GMT

November 23, 2014: Mental Abuse vs Mental Toughness

Sun, 23 Nov 2014 18:01:00 GMT

At What Age Should The Score Matter?

Tue, 18 Nov 2014 03:18:00 GMT

Over the past several years, I have been receiving phone calls from parents of younger athletes regarding their child’s sports participation. And, I have started to see younger and younger clients in my office. Over the past two years, I have seen a number of 9 year old athletes and their parents. Both boys and girls have been seeing me with their parents to discuss a wide variety of issues related to their sports involvement. Perhaps the most common topics presented have had a strong relationship to anxiety, expectations of others and self-confidence issues. Many of these young athletes have displayed signs of burnout and mental fatigue, at ages 9 and 10. This past week I saw a 9 year old baseball player who played over 90 games this past summer in a competitive traveling league. His presenting problem was that he would get extremely frustrated when he made an out and would often either emotionally break down or have anger outbursts in the dugout. I have also seen a number of gymnasts age 10 and younger, who have had a wide variety of fear issues related to failing and disappointing their coaches and parents.

Why am I seeing so many younger athletes? I believe it is because as a society, there is more and more pressure to start young children in competitive sports at younger and younger ages. I have written numerous times about how I rarely see a group of children playing by themselves when I drive by an elementary school after school or during the weekend. They are almost always at an organized sport practice with adults either coaching them or present in a supervisory role. Next month I will be turning 60 years old. I can remember very vividly growing up and playing baseball, basketball or football after school in the neighborhood or at my elementary school with my friends. We didn’t have adults present nor were we at an organized practice. We were just playing and having fun. Obviously, today’s society presents a number of safety issues that weren’t prevalent when I was in elementary school. However, there is an increasing pressure to start children at younger ages in sports and organized leagues and to have them specialize in sports before age 10.

Along with this increased participation at younger ages comes more and more pressure to win, come in first place and beat everyone else. This pressure is coming from parents, coaches and sports leagues. It is also coming from media. Sports stories about young athletes are frequently being broadcast not just on ESPN or FOX television, but on the internet and on radio shows. As we know, sports has become a huge business all over the world. Many parents see youth sports participation as a ticket to a college scholarship, a spot on an Olympic team or a professional contract. No matter how slim those chances are, many unrealistically believe it will happen to their child.

So at what age should the score of a game matter? For many, it is now starting to occur at ages 5 and 6. Parents and coaches talk about winning championships when kids sign up for teams. I have heard many stories about coaches blaming kids when their team loses, claiming that it was their fault that they lost the game because they struck out or missed a shot. In my opinion, this can be devastating for these young people. It can lead to a loss or destruction of their self-confidence that can stay with them most of their life.

I have been fortunate throughout my 33 years working as a sport psychologist to have worked with athletes at all levels of competition. And the one key component I have noticed from the athletes who have made it to the pros and the Olympic level, is that most of them didn’t get serious about their sport until their teenage years. Most began playing before age 10, but most said they just played for fun and many of them had no idea that they would make it as a professional or an Olympian. What I have found is that most people are aware of the score of the game, or the time they get in the race, but when their coach or parent makes a big deal of it, it becomes a bigger deal for them. If the coach or parent focuses more on their effort or discusses how much fun they had participating, I have found that these athletes typically have a higher level of self confidence and usually end up participating at older ages. If the score of the game is emphasized too much for younger athletes, usually under ages 10 to 12, I have found that these athletes typically want to quit before ages 13-14. Most have lost interest, are physically and emotionally fatigued and will have lower levels of self confidence than the athletes who didn’t really care as much about the score of the game and were more interested in enjoying the experience. Obviously, there are a wide variety of opinions about this issue, but I believe before ages 12-13, the more we emphasize development, learning skills and having fun, the greater chance your child will keep playing as a teenager. And, the more we focus on the score of the game or how your child was beaten by others in the race, the greater the chance they will want to quit before their teenage years. As always, your thoughts….

November 16, 2014: What We Can Learn From Failure?

Sun, 16 Nov 2014 17:06:00 GMT

November 9, 2014: When Does Winning Matter?

Sun, 09 Nov 2014 16:04:00 GMT

November 2, 2014: The Role of Superstitions in Sports

Sun, 02 Nov 2014 15:59:00 GMT

October 26, 2014 Youth Sports Injuries

Sun, 26 Oct 2014 15:58:00 GMT

October 19, 2014: Big Game Pressure

Sun, 19 Oct 2014 15:57:00 GMT

The Kansas City Royals: The Definition of Team

Fri, 17 Oct 2014 04:40:00 GMT

Yesterday, the Kansas City Royals defeated the Baltimore Orioles to become the American League champions and move on to play in the 2014 World Series. The Royals path to this accomplishment was no easy task. For 29 years, the Royals teams have been playing in the shadow of the 1985 Kansas City World Series champions. And, the franchise owned the unfortunate honor of having the longest streak of the four major sports leagues in North America of not reaching the playoffs. This changed two weeks ago when the Royals clinched a
Wild Card berth in the playoffs for the first time since 1985. Since they clinched their spot in the playoffs, the Royals have been on an incredible streak. They beat the Oakland A’s in extra innings in the Wild Card game, after trailing 7-3 in the 8th inning. They moved on to win three straight games against the Los Angeles Angels, the team with the best record in the American League this season to win the Divisional Playoff series. And yesterday, they swept the Baltimore Orioles four games to none to win the American League. So currently, they stand 8-0 in post season play this fall.

Why and how have they done this? There are all kinds of opinions on the internet about the manager, the coaching philosophy and the players. The Royals have arguably the best bullpen in baseball and are one of the best defensive teams as well. They have had excellent starting pitching, timely hitting and have been stealing bases in a frenzy. As I have watched the team on their path to success, I have listened closely to the comments made by Manager Ned Yost and the players about how they have been winning so many extra inning games and gaining momentum and excitement not only in Kansas City, but around the country. As the former sport psychologist for the team, I have watched many of these players mature and grow as ballplayers and as teammates throughout this process. Each game a different player or players came to the forefront and provided the game winning hit or pitching performance. After each game, during their interviews all of the players continually stated one common theme, “They were playing for their teammates, the organization and the fans”. Each player pushed the attention away from themselves and talked about how important it was to win for their teammates. One thing I noticed in all of the games was that they did not appear uptight, stressed or tense. They all seemed relaxed and their confidence grew with each successive win. In sharp contrast, the tension mounted and increased on their opponents in each successive game. As the Royals players confidence grew, they became more relaxed and focused on what they were doing and most importantly were having more and more FUN doing it.

The classic definition of team is of “a group of individuals coming together to achieve a goal.” What I have noticed about the Royals is that this is what they are about. On most post season teams there always seems to be one big star, one player who rises to the occasion and puts the team on his/her back to help them win a championship. On this Royals team there have been different stars every night and you can see as they have continued to win, that they have become more relaxed and focused on the task in front of them. As each player is interviewed, they are asked about their individual performance and their first response is always about their teammates or “brothers” in battle. They want to succeed for their teammates and staff and fans.Their focus is on what’s in front of them, how can they perform to their best ability. This team has learned from their individual and collective failures along the way to become an extremely confident group with tremendous preparation and focus, with a positive/realistic attitude.

I think a great lesson that can be learned from the success of the Royals this post season for young athletes is that they have no fear. To an individual player, they all appear ready for each game and what may happen. They have played four extra inning games and have only had one game they won by more than two runs. For years on this newsletter, I have talked about the keys to success: Preparation, Focus, Attitude and Confidence. They Royals have been a great example of how when all these come together individually, they will feed on each other and result in the team indeed becoming just that, a TEAM. To me, they truly demonstrate what a winner really is. In the end it is One game at a time, One inning at a time, One at bat at a time, One pitch at a time.
As always, your thoughts….

October 12, 2014: Interview with KC Royals Hall of Famer Willie Wilson

Sun, 12 Oct 2014 15:55:00 GMT

October 5, 2014: Performing with an Even Keel and Self Confidence

Sun, 05 Oct 2014 15:54:00 GMT

September 28, 2014: The Role of Positivity In Sports

Sun, 28 Sep 2014 15:53:00 GMT

September 21, 2014: The Role of Focus And Concentration in Sports

Sun, 21 Sep 2014 15:52:00 GMT

September 14, 2014: The Role of Respect and Ego of Athletes

Sun, 14 Sep 2014 15:51:00 GMT

What Should I Say in the Car After the Game?

Fri, 05 Sep 2014 17:46:00 GMT

As we enter the fall season, with school sports in full swing and fall youth and club teams moving into league and tournament play, one of the most common questions I am asked my parents and athletes alike is, “What should we talk about after the game, especially in the car on the way home?” This is an interesting question and I believe there are several ways to answer it. After a game, participants and observers can all be physically and emotionally spent. Obviously, for the athlete, an athletic event can be a very physically draining experience. It can also be emotionally draining if the athlete didn’t get to play very much and sat on the bench for most of the event. For parents who watch the contest, emotions can be all over the place.

So after the game, what do you say? I’ve had numerous clients over the past few months who have presented this question. Some parents have told me that they feel they can ask anything they want, because after all, they are paying for everything from uniforms, to coaches and club fees, to traveling costs for food, hotels and transportation. They are taking their time to go the athletic event and have the right to ask their athlete why they did or did not play well.

I’ve had conflicting comments from athletes. Some have told me that they wish their parents wouldn’t say anything about the game on the drive home. They’d rather just go get something to eat and cool off, especially if they did not play well. They’d rather talk about how they played later. Others have told me that they feel pressure to have to talk about how they played. Many have told me their parents constantly badger them with comments and questions about how they played and often can get angry and upset about why they didn’t play well. Others have mentioned that they don’t mind talking about the event, but don’t want to get into a critique of their personal play right away in the car. Many have told me that they feel they have let their parents down if they didn’t perform well and feel their parents are upset at them because of this. Consequently, they often will tell me that their self-confidence has fallen because they feel they are not living up to their parents expectations.

So what is the best thing to do? I believe the answer revolves around communication. Before you go to the event you should have a game plan about how you would like to play and perform. In the same way, I think you should have a game plan about what to discuss after the game. What I have found works best for most is to have a discussion between athlete and parents about what and when to discuss the event after it’s over.
For most people, not talking about the event immediately after and on the drive home is probably the best suggestion. After you get home, let your athlete come to you to talk about the event. Let them bring it up. Ask your athlete what they want from you as a parent and tell them what you want as a parent. Many have told me they want to talk about where they are going to eat. Some like to talk about the event. Some want to put on their headphones and veg out. So the best answer is to come up with a game plan with your athlete and find out what they want. As difficult as it can be as a parent to want to talk about it, remember it can cause more problems if you don’t have a game plan that you all discuss together. If you have trouble keeping quiet, have a bag of Tootsie Pops next to you and stick one in your mouth.

August 31, 2014: When Motivation Becomes Criticism

Sun, 31 Aug 2014 15:50:00 GMT

August 24, 2014: How important is it to Believe when you Play Sports

Sun, 24 Aug 2014 15:49:00 GMT

Coaches Need To Check Their Ego At The Door

Mon, 14 Jul 2014 16:16:00 GMT

Over the past several weeks, I have observed numerous youth sporting events in soccer, baseball and swimming. During both of my sons youth and high school sporting experiences I saw countless games, meets, events and competitions in several sports.

As I speak with more and more individuals every week at my office or on my radio show

(Sunday mornings from 7-8AM on 810whb.com , or listen to the podcasts) I am continuing to notice an issue that is becoming more and more disturbing to me. That issue is how important a coach’s ego is at these athletic events. And it is becoming more obvious that too many of these coaches are getting so emotionally involved that the competitions are becoming more about them than about the kids. If you have attended a youth sporting event, I am sure you have heard or noticed a coach yelling or screaming at officials, competitors or even the parents on their team. Often, they make such a spectacle of themselves that it becomes embarrassing for the players and their parents. And, maybe most importantly, most people don’t know what to do.

Last week I observed a soccer game at a tournament in California. At one of the games, an official approached the sideline and told the coach he was being asked to leave the field for using abusive language. The coach denied that he had said anything inappropriate, but left the field. After the game, he returned and in an emotional tirade, told the team, athletes and parents, that he was quitting because he had taken enough abuse and was never going to coach or attend another soccer game. He also stated that even though the following day would be his son’s last soccer game, he would not be there because he was emotionally worn out.

What is the purpose of youth sports? AYSO has six philosophies about participation. They are: Everyone Plays, Balanced Teams, Open Registration, Positive Coaching,

Good Sportsmanship and Player Development. I think these philosophies make tremendous sense if they are followed and I believe more sports organizations should use these as a guideline for their teams. However, the problem with youth sports today is that it has become a business. Leagues and teams are being formed for boys and girls all the way down to age four. Tournaments are planned both locally and nationally.

Trophies are handed out to with winners. Team uniforms and t-shirts are made,with the players and coaches names on them, articles are written in local newspapers and on the internet. And what happens? Peoples EGOS get in the way, especially for the adults.

All too often, I have observed coaches talking to their teams and continually referencing themselves in their discussions. They will constantly use the word I. They will refer to how they feel, how much time they put in to coach the team and how disappointed they are when the players don’t perform properly or to their potential, at least as the coach sees it. I am hearing about more and more situations where coaches are being penalized or ejected from games. Not just at the professional or collegiate ranks, but at youth competitions for kids under age 10! Why? Because the coach has gotten so emotionally involved, that he/she loses perspective. They begin to get to the point where they believe the game is more about them than about the kids. They get so emotionally wrapped up in the game, they forget it is about the kids, about development, learning skills and most importantly having fun. I recently interviewed former Major League second baseman, Frank White on my radio show. Frank knows a little bit about success. He played 18 Major League seasons, was an eight time gold glove winner, a five time All-Star and a World Series hero in 1985. I asked Frank when should winning really matter. He said not until high school or college, not before. I think he knows a little about that.

So what can we do as parents, as coaches and as people who love sports as a way to find out who you are? I think every team should have a game plan for coaches behavior.

It doesn’t have to be too complicated. First, I believe that the philosophy of having coaches “Check their ego at the door” can be a start. Whether it is the door to the gym, the gate to the field or the opening into the pool, remember that the game, the practice, the event is not about you, it is about the kids who are playing. The moment when you start to make an issue about an official’s call or a bad play by one of your players, the focus goes to you. Have an assistant coach or a parent who you trust who can remind you if you are going to far with your behavior. Have a cue they can use to remind you to step back. And most importantly, have a preseason meeting with the athletes and parents where you discuss this issue. Too often, when this behavior occurs, people don’t know what to do and most typically want to avoid any confrontations. Have a game plan for behavior as well as a game plan for your game. And remember to “Check Your Ego At The Door”. As always your thoughts…

What Can Be Learned From Being a Poor Loser

Mon, 09 Jun 2014 17:09:00 GMT

On Saturday, June 7, the sport of horse racing took center stage as California Chrome attempted to win The Belmont, the third jewel of The Triple Crown. Horse racing has been waiting 36 years since Affirmed won the last Triple Crown in 1978. There have only been 11 Triple Crown winners in the storied history of this event and the sports world was energized with the possibility of California Chrome becoming number 12. However, he fell short, finishing tied for fourth place. Many sports experts have stated that winning the Triple Crown is the most difficult thing to do in sports. Three year old horses will run 3 races in 5 weeks, with The Belmont, being the longest at one and a half miles in length. Most horses don’t run three races in three months. It takes tremendous talent, bloodlines, an expert trainer and a skilled jockey to all play a role in the possibility of achieving this elusive goal. As I have mentioned numerous times in my newsletters, my great uncle, Hirsch Jacobs, is in horse racing’s Hall of Fame and was the winningest trainer in horse racing history when he died in 1970. He won 3,596 races, but never won a Triple Crown race. His daughter, Patrice Wolfson with her late husband, Louis Wolfson, owned Affirmed. I was lucky enough to see Affirmed race 7 times and grew to appreciate how fortunate I have been to have seen such a tremendous horse compete in person.

Immediately after The Belmont, California Chrome co-owner, Steve Coburn was interviewed by NBC Sports. Obviously, he was terribly disappointed. The media had been focusing on Coburn and his co-owner Perry Martin as the nation was captivated by the story of two “normal guys” who got lucky enough to have a horse with no great bloodline history to win the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness. Coburn appeared to enjoy the media attention and was not afraid to speak his mind, while Martin stayed in the background. Coburn erupted in the interview, pointing his finger at the camera, stating that it wasn’t fair that all of the horses racing in The Triple Crown races weren’t required to run in all three. He claimed, “This is the cowards way out”. He vehemently complained about how The Triple Crown racing system is not fair. The next day, after having time to calm down, Coburn was once again interviewed and repeated his rant. It wasn’t until this morning that a tearful Coburn apologized on “Good Morning America” for his rant. Obviously, someone with some common sense got to him before he destroyed everything that was so wonderful about this story.

So what do we learn from this? After watching the interview after the race, I felt this was one of the poorest displays of sportsmanship I have ever seen. A lot of people were extremely disappointed that California Chrome didn’t win, but as I’ve stated many times,

“Sports is the greatest theatre in the world, everyone knows their part, but no one knows what will happen”. Coburn’s behavior reminded me of a 10 year old who just lost a big game, not of a 61 year old man. Coburn knew the Triple Crown rules before his horse ran in any of the races. Would he have acted the same had his horse won? Of course not. Numerous times I have discussed that we do not spend enough time teaching kids how to lose and how to fail. We spend too much time talking about winning and success and the excitement associated with coming out on top. Losing/failure are the greatest teaching tools we have in sports, as well as in life. However, failure happens and is inevitable at some point in sports. Learning how to react when you lose, what to say and how to respond to other’s is probably more important than yelling “We are number one”. It took Coburn almost two days to apologize for his rant in a tearful interview. If he had been prepared to deal with his emotions better, had his horse lost, this issue would have never occurred. There was a proper time and place to discuss his concerns about the Triple Crown rules, but it wasn’t immediately after his horse lost. He will now have a reputation as a “sore loser”. I learned years ago, “Be humble in victory, and gracious in defeat”.

As always your thoughts…

The Importance of the Mind

Thu, 22 May 2014 20:50:00 GMT

As I watch, listen and observe athletes in the art of competition at all levels of sport, it is becoming more and more obvious to me about the importance of the connection between mental preparation and self confidence. As I watched the Los Angeles Clippers react and deal with the derogatory comments made by their owner, Donald Sterling, it became ever so clear to me why having a good mindset can help you through the adversity that will inevitably confront you at some point in your athletic career. Former Clipper player, Baron Davis, an established NBA player with several years of experience, discussed how difficult it was for him to play as a member of the Clippers whenever Sterling was at the game. Davis was quoted stating, “If we were in layup lines and he wasn’t around, I’d be in a great mood. As soon as he walked into the arena I’d get like the worst anxiety, and I never had anxiety playing…and I couldn’t do it.” Even a two-time All Star player, playing at the highest level of competition, had difficulty handling his emotions!

I’ve often stated the quote my uncle told me years ago, “Sports is the greatest theatre in the world, everyone knows their part, no one knows what will happen.” One of the greatest aspects of sport is that we can never know everything about what will occur in the upcoming competition. However, you can take the time to mentally prepare for the unexpected. If you do have a mental preparation plan, it can definitely assist you at being ready. Most people talk about mental preparation in the same manner as they discuss mental toughness. Being prepared is often emphasized with being confident, being positive and haying a good mindset.

But to me, I think it also involves being ready for things to go wrong, for the negativity and for an awareness of how you react when you get frustrated. When you practice your golf game, do you always tee up your ball on the driving range or do you try to hit balls out of a divot? Do you practice shooting free throws in a calm relaxed setting or do you try shooting with numerous distractions around you?

I like to discuss with my clients what I call Plan A and Plan B. Plan A is all about having a positive mindset about what you want to accomplish in your game or practice. It focuses on positive visualization, always looking ahead, believing in yourself and knowing that you have put the time and energy into your preparation to be ready to compete. Plan A is all about being positive and confident. It focuses on having the mindset that YOU WILL achieve your goals.

Plan B is about being prepared for the unexpected, whatever that may be. It is about having a game plan about how to react when things go wrong, because ultimately, they will at some point in a competition. You will hit a golf ball out of bounds, you will strike out, drop a pop up or double fault. It will happen because that is what sports competition is all about. The main emphasis here, is that successful athletes have a way to minimize these mistakes and not let them snowball into an out of control mental avalanche. When I talk with athletes about visualizing their games, I often ask them to visualize what they will do when they make a mistake. How will they feel physically and emotionally? What will they be thinking? And when these negative situations occur, what will they do to take control and not let one mistake turn into two, three or four mistakes in a row? Plan B is about taking control and being prepared for the unexpected event, whatever that may be.

Baron Davis probably never would have thought that seeing Donald Sterling would have resulted in him developing severe anxiety so strong that he couldn’t perform. That just doesn’t normally happen to NBA All Stars. But, Baron Davis is human just like the rest of us and needed to have a plan and technique to be ready for the unexpected. Perhaps we should all remember the Boy Scout Motto, “Be Prepared”. If you are, you will probably know that if something goes wrong, it was just one mistake and that you can take control to not let it become more. As always, your thoughts.

Family or Sports…What Comes First?

Fri, 04 Apr 2014 20:25:00 GMT

Earlier this week, New York radio talk show hosts Mike Francesa and Boomer Esiason separately commented on the news that New York Mets second baseman, Daniel Murphy, had missed the first two games of the season to be with his wife for the birth of their first child. Both criticized Murphy for leaving the Mets, with Francesa even stating that Murphy could have hired a nurse to help take care of his wife. Major League baseball allows players a three day paternity leave and Murphy only took two days. The fact that these talk show hosts would comment so negatively about this brings up a bigger issue for me. How important should sports really be?

Over the 33 years I have worked as a sport psychologist, I have heard many interesting opinions about the role sports has in our society. Let’s face it, sports has made athletes, coaches, agents and many other associated with it millionaires. Money and sports now are joined at the hip not just at the professional level but all the way down to youth sports. But, should sport be more important than family? I emphatically say NO. However, many others don’t agree.

When my sons were 11 and 13, they were both playing on elite soccer teams. Over Mother’s Day weekend, both of their teams had scheduled to play a tournament an hour away. The coaches of both teams stated that it was important to play in this tournament and emphasized that players who did not participate would be penalized in terms of their playing time in future tournaments. I did not agree with this philosophy and decided that my sons would not play on these teams in the future. It is almost a national tradition to have NFL games on Thanksgiving. The NBA highly promotes key match-ups on Christmas day. Athletic events are held almost every day of the year and athletes are expected to be there. However, several have protested over the years. Sandy Koufax refused to pitch for the LA Dodgers in the first game of the 1965 World Series because it fell on the Jewish holiday, Yom Kippur. Other athletes have done the same.

Several years ago an 8th grader tried out for and made her high school cheerleading team. The try outs were in April. After making the team, the coach informed that the girls that they were not allowed to miss any practices or games, unless they were in the hospital. Illness or family events were not valid excuses to miss a practice or game. After making the team in the spring, the girl’s parents notified the coach that their daughter would be going with the family on a cruise over the Christmas holiday to celebrate the grandparents 50th wedding anniversary. The coach told the parents the girl had to choose cruise or cheerleading team. She refused to budge and the girl ended up transferring to a different school, where she made the team. The new coach told her she should go on the cruise and not worry about her spot on the team.

In today’s sports world we talk so much about commitments, dedication, sacrifices, working hard to achieve goals of success and championships. But in the end, what really matters. To me it is family. Murphy should have been with his wife to experience the birth of his son. The 8th grader should have been with her grandparents on the cruise. There will always be another practice, game or team. The time to experience a meaningful family event may never happen again.

Your thoughts…

Upsets at Tournament Time

Tue, 11 Mar 2014 02:58:00 GMT

It’s March and that means it’s a great time to be a basketball fan. Tournament mania has already begun. The conference tournaments will determine who will be playing in the NCAA championships for both men and women. The seedings will be revealed this weekend and then the fun will really start. Who will prevail and who will fail? That is perhaps one of the most talked about questions that will occur this month. Which teams will play to their seeding and which teams will be upset? Why do some teams lose who are favored to win? The biggest fear many have is getting upset. So why do upsets happen? There are several reasons.

First, the NCAA tournament always brings out the best and worst in college basketball teams. After all, these are teams made up of young men and women mostly between 18 and 22 years of age, who may not know how to handle the excitement that comes with playing in the highest echelon of college basketball. The first reason a lot of teams get upset is simply “nerves”. A lot of these athletes and teams have not been trained or prepared to deal with the emotional swings that come with playing in these tournaments. Proper preparation, not just physically, but mentally as well should be essential this time of year. Some favored teams lose games they are favored to win because they have not been prepared to mentally handle not just being ahead, but being tied or behind as the game progresses. I think coaches should take the time to talk about all of these situations with their teams as they prepare for the tournaments. Teaching their athletes proper relaxation and visualization exercises can be very helpful in these situations.

A second reason is a lack of good leadership. This cannot only be from coaches, but from the players as well. Being a good leader in this time of year can be positive from many perspectives. Good leaders will not wilt under the pressure. They will use it to their teams advantage. They will not be afraid to lead not only by example by their play, but also by what they verbally express. If the pressure is on, they will speak up and help guide their teammates and take charge whether it is during a timeout or on the floor. A team without solid leadership will fall apart quickly.

This leads to the third reason why upsets happen. I think this is when teams fall apart under the pressure with players starting to point fingers and blame others. The emotional and psychological strain from falling behind a team you know you are better than can cause players to get upset at their teammates. Instead of looking at how they were playing and taking responsibility for their actions, some athletes are quick to get angry at their teammates. Consequently, they become so angry, they lose their focus and can emotionally fall apart.

At this time of year, I believe coaches should spent more time focusing on the mental game, talking about these situations and being prepared for whatever they believe could get in the way of their team playing to their potential. If they focus more on their personal effort and on what they can control, they will have a much greater chance of success and playing to their seed, and as a result not get upset.

As always your thoughts….

Fans and Respect

Fri, 21 Feb 2014 17:52:00 GMT

Over the past few weeks, there have been several examples of inappropriate fan behavior displayed at sporting events. At a University of Missouri men’s basketball game, a group of students known as “The Antlers” were kicked out of a second straight game for “a pattern of inappropriate chants”. Mike Alden, the athletic director at Missouri, stated that the students had violated the school’s core values, which include respect and responsibility. At a men’s basketball game at Texas Tech, Oklahoma State guard, Marcus Smart, charged into the stands and shoved a Texas Tech fan after claiming the fan directed a racial slur at him. The fan, a 52 year old air traffic controller, Jeff Orr, denied using a racial slur, but claimed he did call Smart, “a piece of crap”. Smart was subsequently suspended for three games and Orr agreed not to attend any more Texas Tech basketball games this year. Orr has a history of taunting opposing players and using inappropriate language and actions directed at these players. I could go on and on.

We have all heard these stories and unfortunately they are becoming more and more frequent. Why? I believe there are several reasons. First, I think we have a societal problem with respect. Or should I say a lack of it? It is not just in sports but in all areas of life. Inappropriate language and behaviors are being displayed at sporting events. It doesn’t matter if it is a youth sports game, a high school, collegiate or professional competition. I have written several newsletters over the years about role models in sports and how adults need to become aware of not only what they say, but how they act not only as coaches and teachers but as parents and most importantly as human beings. Second, I think many people believe that when they buy a ticket to attend a sporting event, they feel that gives them the right to say or act any way they want. Often, many of these individuals go over the edge. Typically, this is verbal but can also become physical. As a psychologist, I believe a lot of this is displaced anger they have at others that they feel they can express at a game. Third, sports is a competition and it often gets fans more excited than the participants. Throw in alcohol and it is a path to problems. I also feel a lot of fans feel they have a sense of entitlement at sporting events. They don’t feel the rules apply to them.

So what do we do about it? I feel there has been a great deal done over the past few years about educating athletes and coaches about sportsmanship. But what about the fans? Once in a while, I hear an announcement about fans displaying good sportsmanship at a professional or collegiate game, but I really doubt that anyone really pays attention to it….until they have to deal with an unruly fan around them. I think the solution to this starts with taking personal responsibility. Marcus Smart had a press conference after his suspension and admitted that he acted inappropriately and needed to change and learn from his actions. If Jeff Orr did use a racial slur, he denied it. But, he did make a derogatory statement towards Marcus Smart for no reason other then he played for the opponent. Marcus Smart is 19, Jeff Orr is 52. Who will learn more from this behavior?

As always your opinion…

Building Confidence

Sat, 04 Jan 2014 18:07:00 GMT

Happy New Year to everyone reading my newsletter. Please feel free to share it with others who coach or participate in any form of competition. I also want to announce that you can now follow me on Twitter at: @DrjSportPsych.

As we begin the new year, I have been reflecting on the numerous clients I have been working with over the past several years. One of the common themes that seems to be more and more prevalent with both amateur and professional athletes revolves around the issue of self-confidence. It doesn’t matter what age, what sex or what sport an athlete plays, self-confidence almost always seems to be a topic that comes up. Usually, it is at the core of the issue that we end up discussing. And, what I am beginning to see is that this topic is unfortunately becoming an issue for younger athletes. I have spoken with several athletes who are having issues with confidence at age 10. As I watch interviews with professional and collegiate athletes at the end of competitions, there almost always is a reference to confidence, positively or negatively. If they won, their confidence was a positive influence and if they lost they didn’t have enough confidence to help them win.

So why is confidence so important? I have asked the question before and like to focus the discussion on the following question: Do you have to be confident to be successful or do you have to be successful to be confident? Obviously, confidence and success play off on each other. But, I believe in the end, most importantly, you need to be confident to be successful. Why? In my opinion, if you base your confidence on success, then if you fail does that mean you are not confident? I don’t believe so. You can fail and still be confident. If you base your confidence on whether you succeed or fail, then you will be on an emotional yo-yo. Confidence, which essentially means believing in yourself, is the foundation of the psychological attributes we have that effect what we do not just in sports but in life. If you are confident, and feel good about yourself, it should not matter if you succeed or fail, you should still feel good about who you are. Yes, you will probably be bummed about losing, but that shouldn’t pull your confidence down so far that you view yourself as a failure. Unfortunately, I am seeing this happen more frequently with the athletes and teams I consult with.

One of the main factors that I see contributing to this is how we are taught to deal with success and failure. It shouldn’t matter if it is in sports, in school, in the arts or in a relationship. But, what I have begun to see more of over the past several years is that young people are not being taught how to deal with failure and success in a manner that helps them grow. I believe parents, coaches, teachers and mentors should make it a priority to put more of an emphasis on the process of learning rather than on the results. Most of the athletes that I have spent time with who are successful, almost always seem to have a solid level of self-confidence. They don’t feel badly about themselves if they fail, they want to figure out why they failed and what they can do to prevent it from happening again. Usually, they will tell me about at a younger age, they weren’t criticized when they failed, they were coached and encouraged to learn from their mistake and figure out why they failed. On the other hand, the athletes who have confidence issues typically tell me that at a younger age they were criticized, cut down, yelled at or insulted by coaches or teachers when they failed. A 10 year old baseball player I have been working with was yelled at by his coach after striking out and told because of that strike out, the team lost. My advice to his parents was that they needed to immediately set up a meeting with the coach and discuss their concerns with him. I advised them that if he didn’t change his communication, they should quit the team, as this type of coaching would be more detrimental to their son than if they stuck out the season. I usually don’t advise quitting a team during the season, but when a coach is being that negative, the long term effects can become serious issues over time.

The learning process, especially is sports, should be a process that emphasizes growing and realizing that failure, as well as success, are part of the process. Teaching kids how to lose, how to fail as well as how to win and how to succeed, should be essential components. I have found that when the emphasis is placed more on this process, rather than on the result of the competition or exam, than you will have a greater chance for success and in the end you will find that that individual will more than likely be much more confident as they grow and develop.

As always, your thoughts…

The Miami Dolphins Controversy

Thu, 07 Nov 2013 16:30:00 GMT

Over the past week, a scenario involving the Miami Dolphins has developed that touches on numerous issues concerning the human element in sports. Last week, Jonathan Martin, a second year offensive tackle left the team. When Martin attempted to sit down to eat lunch at a table with several other offensive lineman, the other players all got up and moved to another table. As a result, Martin walked out of the training complex and left the team. Numerous reports stated that Martin left because this type of behavior had been going on for some time and he had finally reached his limit. Further reports have surfaced that Martin had been the target of bullying by fellow offensive lineman, Richie Incognito. Incognito, who has a documented history of anger issues, and was once voted as the “dirtiest player in the NFL” was supposedly told by the coaching staff to “toughen up” Martin because he was viewed as “too soft”. Incognito has also been a member of the Dolphin’s 6 player “leadership council”.

This controversy has now taken center stage beyond the sports world and was the lead story today on the CBS Morning News. It involves much more than the issue of a player leaving a team because of personal issues. It revolves around the issues of mental health, bullying, leadership, communication and motivation, but most importantly it exposes this topic, that no matter how big, how strong or how tough an athlete is, he is first and foremost, a human being with emotions and feelings that effect not only him, but those around him as well.

Martin, who went to Stanford, is biracial, and is the son of two Harvard educated parents. Apparently, the Dolphins felt he needed to be pushed to play harder and the coaching staff asked Incognito to “toughen him up”. Reports have surfaced of voicemails and text messages from Incognito to Martin full of racial insults and threats. One of the intriguing issues to me as a sport psychologist is that the coaches asked a man with a documented anger control issue to try to motivate a teammate who obviously is a very cerebral player. The other issue that baffles me is how a player with Incognito’s past history could be on the Dolphin’s player leadership council. What kind of respect would others have of a man who can’t control his emotions? This leads to all kinds of questions regarding the coaches of the Dolphins and their leadership skills. How could a team with numerous coaches who have constant contact with their players on a daily basis for months on end, not know that Martin was going farther and farther into a shell, in part, as a result of Incognito’s bullying? Reports have also surfaced that Martin did not say anything to the coaches about this because he did not trust them.

There are numerous lessons that can be learned from this situation. Obviously, the culture of an NFL locker room is not the same as any other business. However, I feel several topics can be picked up if you are a coach or an athlete. First, who are the leaders of the team and who is in charge? What behaviors are tolerated and what aren’t? What channels of communication exist within your team? What should a player do if he/she is having a problem with another player or coach? Who can they talk to about this issue and what process is in place to resolve personality differences? When it comes to motivation, how far can you push an athlete and where do you draw the line in terms of attempting to motivate them? As I stated earlier, no matter what size, shape, sex or sport, athletes are human beings. A coach needs to not only know how to coach and motivate their athletes in technique and skills, but they most importantly need to be able to evaluate and analyze the psychological mind set of their players on an individual basis and the team in it’s entirety. As I have stated before, “A good coach is a good psychologist, a bad coach needs to see a sport psychologist”.

Your thoughts…..

Sport Specialization

Tue, 08 Oct 2013 16:49:00 GMT

Over the 32 years I have been in practice as a sport psychologist, I have discussed a wide variety of topics with clients. During this time, I have seen athletes of all ages. The youngest was an eight-year old gymnast, who came in with her mother, with a two-page list of goals she wanted to accomplish. The oldest was an 82-year old female golfer. When I asked her why she wanted to work with me, she stated, “It’s very simple, my putting sucks!” The topics and issues have ranged from everything from personal performance issues, to communication issues with coaches and teammates, as well as what age is appropriate to start competing. Over the past several years, I have noticed had numerous conversations with parents and coaches about not only when should a child begin competitive sports, but also when should they begin specializing in one sport.

I am 58 years old and grew up in an era where athletes went from one sport to another during the year. Most of my friends in junior high and high school would typically compete in football and cross country in the fall, basketball and wrestling in the winter and baseball and track in the spring. Sports like tennis, golf and swimming were seasonal as well, although the construction of indoor tennis clubs opened the door for year round play. Youth sports were not very well developed at that time, and you would have to look around to find a youth team to compete on. Obviously, today everything has changed. Almost every sport has competitions for young athletes. Leagues in almost every team sport exist all the way down to 8 year olds and sometimes younger, and exist in many cases year round. I have discussed this in several previous newsletters. However, one issue that has become more of a concern over the past several years has been the pressure to specialize in one sport at earlier and earlier ages.

During my career, I have had the privilege to have worked with and spoken to some of the greatest athletes and coaches in their respective sports. I have learned so much from these individuals about their successes and failures and I have documented much of this. In the early 1980’s, I was the University of Kansas’s first sport psychologist and got to spend time getting to know the men’s basketball coach, Larry Brown. He told me something that has stuck with me and influenced a lot of what I share with young athletes and their parents. He told me that he believed athletes should participate in both individual and team sports for several years growing up. He felt that individual sports teach a great deal about self-confidence and team sports teach about sharing, communication and camaraderie. Very simple and straightforward, but so true.

Over the past few years, I have had numerous parents and athletes ask me what age is the appropriate age to specialize in just one sport. Obviously, to be successful at several sports like gymnastics and figure skating, you have to begin at a relatively young age and train year round. However, more and more I am hearing about young athletes younger than 10 deciding to just focus on one sport. Many parents have told me that the pressure to play one sport year round is more pronounced because if you don’t, you won’t have a chance to be competitive enough to make an elite team, and consequently, will not be good enough to play in high school or beyond. Yes, it is true that if you train year round at just one sport you will have an opportunity to have superior skills. But, what guarantees are there that they will continue to be successful, as they get older. Medical research is showing more and more injuries to athletes at younger ages because of over use. Tommy John surgery is now being performed on some athletes who are not yet teenagers because of overuse. By specializing in just one sport, are you limiting your child from the experiences that they could be having with different groups of friends. And what about sport burnout? Despite what many claim, it exists and I believe it is becoming more prominent at younger ages.

So what age is the best to specialize? I think it is a sport specific question, but I think by the time most kids are 12 to 13, they will have decided what sport they like the most and which sport they will want to focus on. Before that age, let them play and experience different sports, both individual and team oriented. I believe they will learn more about themselves and in the end have more fun, which is what sports should be about for kids.

Your thoughts…

Are Your Expectations Unrealistic?

Fri, 20 Sep 2013 17:58:00 GMT

I recently had a conversation with the parents of a 10 year old swimmer. Both parents were upset that their son had not been doing better at meets and were critical of how hard he was trying. They were also upset about the excuses he was giving them about why he wasn’t doing better. His mom explained that his swimming took up a lot of time and cost a lot of money. From a time perspective, he had practice 5 days a week and would start having meets 3 out of 4 weekends throughout the fall and winter. Financially, their costs included team membership, meet fees, equipment and traveling. She stated that this was a big sacrifice for not only their son, but for the family as well. She explained that if this was going to be this big of an investment, she was expecting him to improve and get better. When she asked me my thoughts, I asked her if she really wanted to hear what I thought. She hesitated and then said she did.

First of all, I think this discussion exemplifies some of the problems that are starting to become magnified in youth sports. As I have mentioned numerous times in these newsletters, I believe our society is putting more and more pressure on kids at younger and younger ages to compete in sports, continually advance up the rankings and get better. A couple of months ago I wrote about the national basketball tournament for second graders. These parents are part of the generation of parents who expect their kids to start COMPETING at an age where I believe they are not emotionally mature enough to succeed on a steady basis. Fewer and fewer kids are PLAYING sports at younger ages, as the emphasis is getting more heavily weighted on competing. I frequently drive by the grade school my sons attended. They are now 23 and 22 years old. I rarely see kids playing baseball or playing on the playground equipment. What I usually see is an organized sport practice going on with several adults coaching.

A recently retired swim coach, whom I have known for 30 years told me that he believes there shouldn’t be rankings for kids younger than 13 or 14 in most sports. He emphasized that he was becoming more and more frustrated with the parents of younger kids because they had unrealistic expectations about how fast their kids would progress and improve. He stated that he typically had intense conversations with many parents about how swimming is a sport that takes time and patience and that kids are not going to continually drop times. Their times will commonly go up and down pertaining to their training and the emphasis the coach is putting on training at practice. Many parents did not understand and some told him that his perspective was not what they were expecting in order for their kids to progress.

I told the mother that I thought there was probably nothing wrong with her son. I asked her why he was involved in swimming. She told me that their family watched Michael Phelps in the Olympics in China and her son said he wanted to start swimming and go to the Olympics. His mother said that these were still his goals and that she was going to give him the opportunity to achieve them, even as she said, if they are “really hard to achieve”. When I asked her what frustrated her the most, she said that he wasn’t always getting better and that he came up with lots of excuses. She told me that both she and her husband would get frustrated with him and typically got upset. As we continued our discussion, it became more apparent that even though her son wanted to swim, both she and her husband had goals and expectations that I felt were unrealistic for their son. He needed to advance on his own pace, identify his own goals and work towards them, knowing that he wouldn’t always achieve them. I felt his parents needed to be a support system and a sounding board for their son. They needed to put their goals for him in hibernation and let him progress at his own pace. After all, he is only 10. I explained that if they continually put pressure on him, I would probably lose interest and want to quit. I told them to let the coach coach their son, and let him be the athlete, not them. Hopefully, they will back off. Your thoughts.

Materialistic vs. Non-Materialistic Goals

Thu, 22 Aug 2013 19:47:00 GMT

I recently began my fall meetings with a college soccer team. Prior to the first session with the team, I met with the head coach and assistant coach to discuss our game plan for the fall season. As always, we discussed our philosophy and the direction we want to go with the team, as it will be a combination of upper and lower classmen. I usually like to begin our first session with a discussion of the team’s goals, strengths, weaknesses, fears and distractions. In this discussion, we go around the locker room and the players express what they think should go into each list. We then compile them and give them to all of the team members. In my meeting with the coaches, both of whom I have known for years, the assistant coach brought up an interesting point. He said that he wanted me to make sure we focused a lot of our discussion on the goals, on the non-materialistic goals.

He stated that he has found these to be the most beneficial and perhaps also the most important. Both the head coach and I agreed.

Over the years, I have had the privilege to have worked with teams at all levels of competition, from youth sports to the Olympic and professional level. One of my favorite team sessions has always been the one where the athletes compile these lists. It is always fascinating to listen to what they share and why they have come up with their responses. One of the first times I did this was with a professional soccer team. When they listed their goals, the first goal that was mentioned was to go “undefeated”. Ironically, this seems to be the first goal I hear every time I do this exercise with a team. Usually, after this, are statements like win a championship, win the conference, have a winning record at home, stay injury free, have a higher percentage of success (whether that be goals scored, points scored, batting average, etc) than the opponents. It usually takes some prodding on my part before they start to mention things like have a positive attitude, stay confident, trust each other and have fun.

These lists have almost always come in this order, no matter what level of competition, or whether it is a team of males or females. The first things listed are always the materialistic goals, things that we can measure. Either you accomplish them or you don’t based on results. Sports is so much about results that I believe we often miss the boat about how to get there. I have mentioned numerous times in these newsletters about the importance of “the process” to get the results. For 27 years, I worked with the Kansas City Blazer club swim team under the direction of head coach Pete Malone. He always emphasized the importance of “the process”. Pete coached numerous Olympic gold medalists and hundreds of swimmers who went on to swim in college, including my youngest son. His philosophy was to commit to excellence, with a focus on self-improvement. All of his swimmers wanted to swim specific times and beat certain competitors, but the focus was on “the how” not on the results. The successes he had over the years validated this to me as well as the hundreds of swimmers he coached.

As you begin your fall season of sports, no matter what level, think about your goals and make a list of them. In this list, ask yourself which goals are materialistic and which are non-materialistic. I like to emphasize that the materialistic goals are results, but the non-materialistic goals are the backbones to get these results. You can’t measure non-materialistic goals. Being a better communicator, staying more focused, being totally committed are things we can’t quantify, but if we do them, we give ourselves a much greater chance to win that championship or have a winning record. As a coach, ask your athletes to make these lists and discuss why and how the non-materialistic goals in the end, will be the foundation that can lead to the materialistic goals being accomplished.

Your thoughts….

8 Year Old National Basketball Tournament

Sun, 21 Jul 2013 19:54:00 GMT

This past week I read with interest an article entitled, “Final Four for the 4-Foot Set” in the July 22, 2013 issue of Time Magazine. The author, Sean Gregory, describes what happened when he looked into enrolling his 7 year old son, who had just finished first grade, in a basketball day camp. While searching the internet, he discovered a website advertising the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU) national basketball championship for second grade boys. Not only does this tournament exist, it has been around since 2004. And, the girls tournament began in 2007! As I read his article, it reinforced why I write this newsletter and the importance of educating parents, coaches and administrators about the damage that is being done to young athletes today.

In the article, the director of the Tacoma Washington based AAU program that sent a team to the tournament stated, “..a lot of parents are into it. It is our mission to compete on the national level every year.” In my opinion, this statement sums up the sickness that has spread throughout youth sports. Gregory stated that parents are posting their kids highlights on YouTube because the boys need exposure so they can get listed on the national middle school Web rankings. My first question is WHY? And does it really matter where your second grade son is ranked? The answer is because the pressure to keep up with everyone else is growing rampant amongst parents and coaches of these kids. As I have stated numerous times in this newsletter, I firmly believe that sports teaches numerous lessons for kids. But, the time to be concerned with winning and losing shouldn’t even be an issue until kids are in middle school. The main reason a national tournament for second graders exists isn’t because of developing future college or NBA stars, it is very simply, to make money. The research shows that most kids who started playing sports at a highly competitive level around ages 8 to 10, have quit before age 14 because of burnout. This tournament and others like it, more than likely are not going to develop the next Lebron James. My guess is that they are going to cause most kids to lose interest and quit. There is no way we can predict which second grader will be good enough or want to play basketball by middle school or high school.

The harm that is being done could be no better described than the description of William Francis, the coach of the New York Gauchos, a team that lost in the quarter finals of the tournament. Francis was quoted, “I tell my kids, I’m going to treat you like a full-grown 14 year old. This isn’t baby ball.” After the loss, Francis was observed yelling at the boys not to cry, stating, “I told you, I need everybody to give me something!” as he slammed the lockers. I feel he is doing a tremendous amount of psychological damage to these boys with this behavior. The destruction of confidence could not be better demonstrated.

Some parents claimed that Francis was teaching their son about respect. If Francis had any psychological training, he would realize that 8 year olds do not have the maturity level of a 14 year old. I doubt that any of these boys would be assertive or mature enough to stand up to him. And, I am guessing most of these parents are so caught up with the “excitement” of playing in a national tournament, that they will probably do agree with anything that Francis says.

So, what needs to be done? I think we need to start with educating the people who put on these tournaments and set up these competitive leagues for young kids about how this can be harmful for kids. Parents and coaches need to look at the big picture. Parents need to get their priorities straightened out. Coaching kids is not about the parents or coaches, it is about the kids. These tournaments make money for someone. Is their goal to help kids grow and develop, or is it to fatten their wallets? Coaches need to be educated about the possible harm they can cause on young athletes with their behavior and interest in notoriety. As I have said in the past, “A good coach is a good psychologist, a bad coach needs to see a psychologist”. Your thoughts…

Sportsmanship in the NBA Finals

Mon, 24 Jun 2013 02:08:00 GMT

This past week the Miami Heat won their second consecutive NBA championship, defeating the San Antonio Spurs in a hard fought seven game series. The competition was extremely intense and involved several players and coaches who will be headed to the Hall of Fame when their careers are over. As I watched the victory celebration that occurred after Game 7, I observed something I had rarely seen before after an extremely competitive series. As soon as the game was over, San Antonio coach Greg Popovich was hugging and congratulating Lebron James. Players and coaches from both teams were seen shaking hands and congratulating each other. Moments later, the victory celebration began at midcourt. As soon as NBA Commissioner David Stern began speaking, he immediately congratulated the San Antonio organization for their professionalism and performance in the series. After Stern spoke, Miami owner, Micky Arison, head coach, Erik Spoelstra and Lebron James also spoke and each spoke first about the classiness of the San Antonio organization, their coaches and their players. I have watched dozens of championship ceremonies in numerous sports and can never remember the victorious team initially being so congratulatory towards the losing team. The Miami organization had every reason to be talk about themselves, but I found it to be a great display of sportsmanship to be so appreciative and respectful towards the San Antonio team.

This expression made me think about so many of the events I have spoken of in this newsletter over the past few years. All too often, we hear about the poor sportsmanship behavior that is displayed by parents, coaches and athletes alike. I think the expressions of the Miami organization validate that sportsmanship does exist, even at the highest levels. As we move into the midst of summer, it made me think about sportsmanship at all levels. As a coach, do you have a sportsmanship contract that you require your athletes and parents to sign in your preseason meeting? Does it become a piece of paper that gets filed away? Or, is it something you emphasize consistently throughout the season? What do you do as a coach when an athlete or parent displays poor sportsmanship? Are there consequences for poor behavior and are there rewards for appropriate displays of sportsmanship on your team? How do you handle losing, as well as winning? Do you encourage your athletes to shake hands with the other team as well as with the officials/referees who worked the game? I believe all of these issues are pertinent to teaching and coaching young athletes to be successful on and off the athletic field.

I have discussed many topics since I began writing this newsletter several years ago. Whether it be how to build or destroy an athlete’s confidence, developing the ability to focus under pressure, learn how to mentally prepare for competition or to be a positive role model, I believe teaching and reinforcing good sportsmanship may be the most important issue you can impact young athletes about. Have a plan for your season that begins with the preseason meeting and reinforce the values of sportsmanship throughout the year. Have a game plan for how you will deal with a team member or parent who displays poor sportsmanship. Don’t be afraid to discipline a team member, no matter how good they are if they don’t follow the guidelines that have been set up. The score at the end of the game will be important, but the way your athletes display themselves will be remembered for a long time. As always, I look forward to your comments.

Is Yelling a Help or a Hindrance?

Sat, 18 May 2013 18:54:00 GMT

Over the past week, I have had sessions with three middle school age athletes that focused a great deal on the communication methods used by their coaches. One client, an eighth grade soccer player told me that his coach is always yelling at the players on the team whenever they do anything in practice or a game incorrectly. Both he and his parents stated that they don’t agree with this coaching style and are seriously considering trying out for other teams for next year. Another, a seventh grade girl, a softball player, told me that her coach consistently gets right up in a players face when they come to the dugout in between innings and berates them about their mistakes. She stated that the coach rarely gives compliments because she has stated that she expects the players to “do it correctly”. The third client, a 15 year old basketball player, competes on a travelling basketball team that goes to competitions all over the Midwest. His dad asked to meet with me alone to get my opinion about the coach’s tactics. He shared that when they joined the team, the coach only raised his voice at players about behavioral issues. But, as the season has progressed, he has noticed that the coach is constantly yelling at players when they make a turnover, miss a shot or commit a foul. He is now taking players out of the game almost immediately after making a mistake and gets upset at them on the bench.

If you have read previous newsletters, you know that I am a strong believer in educating coaches, parents and athletes about gaining an understanding about why they are on the team, what their goals are and what is expected of each other. I have stated numerous times that I believe a coach should have a preseason meeting where he/she discusses their philosophy and makes sure that they have a clear and well understood communication channel set up between everyone. Is it inappropriate for a coach to yell? It really depends on the situation. Whether you are the athlete, parent or coach, there is a really good chance you will get frustrated at some point in the season. What will you do when that happens? As a coach, I feel you have to really understand this situation and have a game plan for yourself.

There is a big difference between raising your voice at your players so they can hear you across the field and yelling at them about making a mistake. I have had this discussion with numerous coaches over the years. Most have told me that when they get frustrated with a player, they try to back off and think about what they should say to that athlete. Many coaches have told me that if they understand the psyche of that particular athlete, they will know what to say and how to say it to get the athlete to succeed. Sometimes raising their voice can help get the athlete’s attention. If that is accomplished then they communicate to them in a calmer voice and make sure the athlete is looking at them in their eyes while they are speaking. Many coaches have shared with me that screaming and yelling at the athlete is a great way to destroy their confidence and lose them. I totally agree with this philosophy.

I have always believed that good coaches are good psychologists. Bad coaches need to see a psychologist. As a parent, if you have a coach who is a yeller, you have to decide your strategy. If your child is old enough to be comfortable to speak to the coach about this, I would encourage them to speak with the coach first. Find out how the conversation goes and decide if you need to be involved. If this doesn’t work, or if your child is either too young or too scared to speak with the coach, I think you have a responsibility to discuss this issue with the coach. In most situations, this can resolve the problem. However, if the coach feels that yelling and berating an athlete is the best way to motivate them, it is probably time to look for another team. Whenever I have had this discussion with a coach who yells, I always ask them if their teacher yelled at them in the classroom for giving the wrong answer on a test. That often makes them think a little about their behavior. If they have to start yelling to get their point across, or if they are so frustrated with the team that they feel the need to yell and berate their players, they need to think hard about why they are coaching. Your thoughts.

Fear and Coaching Abuse

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 21:14:00 GMT

Last week, another scenario involving coaching abuse was revealed. Rutgers University head men’s basketball coach, Mike Rice, was fired several days after a videotape taken at a practice showed him physically shoving players, yelling personal slurs at players and throwing basketballs at players heads. This firing came months after an assistant coach on the team, Eric Murdock, had turned in the videotape to the athletic department. Murdock was fired from Rutgers last summer. He claims he was fired for revealing the evidence about Rice’s behavior. Rutgers spokesmen claim his contract was simply not renewed. Since Rice was fired last week, the athletic director and chief attorney for Rutgers have resigned and many have demanded that the president of the university step down. These actions have been requested because Rice wasn’t fired when this information was revealed, only after it was broadcast on ESPN.

I have read with much interest the comments that have been written about this situation. Many individuals, including former Atlanta Braves star, Chipper Jones, feel Rice should not have been fired. Instead, they claim that this type of behavior “toughens up” athletes. However, comments from a large group of athletes including NBA greats, LeBron James and Kobe Bryant, have expressed their disdain and disgust about Rice’s actions. Obviously, this has opened the door to a wide array of opinions. I feel this issue goes much deeper than one individual’s abuse. To me, it is about a deeper issue, that addresses the fear athletes, coaches and parents have of confronting or exposing this behavior from coaches, especially those in positions of authority. I have written many newsletters about this behavior before, but I feel this incident shows us why many are afraid to say anything or report this type of behavior. Assistant coach, Eric Murdock, was fired after turning in the videotape of Rice’s behavior to the athletic department. Murdock wasn’t afraid to speak up about this incident, and in turn, lost his job because of it. Over my 32 of work as a sport psychologist, I have heard about this type of abuse numerous times and have always encouraged athletes, parents and coaches to report this behavior to administrators and athletic directors. Rarely, and I emphasize rarely, have these individuals been reported. Why? The reasons I have been given are varied, but all focus on one topic, FEAR.

One high school basketball player was a target of similar attacks by an assistant coach, but neither he nor his parents would turn in the assistant coach because he didn’t want to lose his starting spot on the team. He wanted and needed a college scholarship. Basketball was his ticket and they did not want to take a chance of losing that possibility because he would get the reputation as a “complainer”. Several college athletes I have worked with over the years have discussed with me their concerns about the way their head coaches talked “at them”. Many have told me they were degraded, insulted and had their manhood questioned by coaches. When I asked them what they did about it, the typical answer was “nothing”. Why? Mostly, because they were afraid of either losing their starting position on the team (just as the high school athlete) or also of totally losing their scholarship. One athlete, a soccer player, confronted her coach about the language he used with her and was immediately released from her scholarship. Both she and her parents spent four years in legal action dealing with issue. She did transfer and ended up starting her remaining two years of eligibility. However, she had to deal with a wide variety of accusations by her former coach. When it was all over, she told me she was glad she exposed him for the verbal abuse, and hoped that it helped prevent others from dealing with this.

Are many athletes coddled too much? Yes. Do they need to be pushed? Yes. But, there is a limit with how far someone should be pushed and challenged, to where it goes to an abusive level. My typical question to parents and students is would you put up with this behavior in the classroom? If a teacher becomes verbally or physically abusive, would you report it? Usually, the answer is a quick yes. I think it is important to educate athletes, parents, coaches and officials about the importance of reporting verbal and physical abuse not only on the athletic field, but in all aspects of life. When you are too afraid of speaking up, you are not only hurting yourself, but potentially others as well. Your thoughts.

Why Sportsmanship is Important

Mon, 11 Mar 2013 14:55:00 GMT

The month of March is one of the most exciting months in sports. Obviously, college basketball is entering tournament time. The NBA and NHL are starting to head towards the playoffs. Baseball is in full swing in spring training. The MLS season has just begun and professional golf and tennis are in the midst of competition. Today, more than ever, athletes, coaches and teams are in the spotlight. Last week, pro golfer Rory Mcilroy the number one player in the world, walked off the course during the second round of a tournament complaining of a painful wisdom tooth and withdrew from the competition. A couple of days later, he apologized for a mistake in judgment. He stated, “What I did was not good for the tournament, not good for the kids and the fans who were out there watching me – it was not the right thing to do.” I give Mcilroy a tremendous amount of credit for making a mistake, admitting it and moving on. He obviously recognizes that even at 23 years of age, he is a role model and needs to be aware of how he is perceived by others. However, the same cannot be said about many others.

Last summer, a youth hockey coach in Canada intentionally tripped two players on the opposing team as the teams went through the handshake line after a game. One of the 13 year olds who was tripped, fractured his wrist from the fall. As of the writing of this article, the incident has been viewed over 100,000 times on You Tube. The coach, Martin Tremblay, was charged with assault and sentenced to 15 days in jail. He has complained that his business has collapsed and his marriage has broken up.

This past week, two incidents occurred that have demonstrated the ugly side of sports. A fight broke out at the Stanford/California men’s basketball game. Two players and three coaches were suspended. According to Stanford coach, Johnny Dawkins, “ Emotions were running high. It was just guys playing hard.” This occurred just two weeks after Mike Montgomery, the California head coach shoved one of his players during a game to ‘fire him up”. After the game, Montgomery stated, “Worked didn’t it?” A couple of days later Montgomery apologized and stated, “I let my emotions get away from me in the heat of the moment.”

On March 9, during the World Baseball Classic, a fight broke out between the Canadian and Mexican teams. After a Canadian player led off the ninth inning with a bunt single, Mexico’s third baseman, Luis Cruz, gestured to the pitcher, Arnold Leon, to intentionally hit the next batter. When Leon then hit the next batter, Rene Tosoni, both benches emptied and a full-scale brawl began. Seven players were ejected, but not Cruz.

All of these incidents concern me for a variety of reasons. All can be viewed on the Internet. Numerous articles have been written about each. However, I am concerned about how these are all viewed by young athletes. For years I have talked about the importance of sportsmanship at all levels of sports, especially at the youth and high school level. I believe all of these incidents can become extremely positive teaching moments if youth coaches and parents approach them that way. But, they can become lightning rods for more issues if they are not discussed. Success and failure on the athletic field are determined from several issues. Physical and mental preparation both play a role. In my opinion, how we teach how to handle our emotions is of the utmost importance, especially for young athletes. Whether they want to be or not, professional and collegiate athletes and coaches are role models for younger competitors. They must learn how to recognize and control their emotions, especially when the intensity of the game is at its peak. They must learn the importance of proper sportsmanship and how it should be respected before, during and after a competition. And I believe that if they do make a mistake, dealing with it, and moving on will help younger athletes learn from it. If it isn’t, these incidents will become more prominent and lead to more problems. Your thoughts…

Do We Teach Athletes How to Fail?

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 04:24:00 GMT

Over the past few weeks, I have had several new clients who have brought up an interesting issue. The topic: How to react to failure? One of these clients, a high school basketball player, claimed he has always played on winning teams, and now, for the first time, he is playing on a team with a losing record. I met with both the athletes and his parents, and they all mentioned how his teams have always had winning records, from grade school all the way until this year in high school. Several years ago, I consulted with a major league baseball player, who had the same issue.

He had always been extremely successful at every level of baseball from Little League all the way through the minor leagues. However, during his rookie season as a major league baseball player, his performance was well below the expectations that both he had as well as the team he was playing for. In our discussions, he shared with me that he had never worried about failing, because he had always been one of the best, if not the best player on his teams. Now, as a prominent major league rookie, he had to deal with long stretches of failing, something he had never been faced with before, nor knew how to handle.

So how do we handle failing? Obviously, everyone has to learn how to deal with this issue at some point in his or her life. Whether it is in sports, in school, or in social situations we will all fail. It might be at a sporting event, on a test in school or in a relationship. I believe that one of the most important jobs a coach has is to be able to teach your athletes about this topic. The first thing I would suggest a coach should do is to talk with his team about both success and failure, that they are results and that both can happen any time you play a sporting event. I think a coach should tell his athletes that failure will happen, it is part of sports and that everyone will face it. Many coaches fail to handle this issue because they want and expect their teams and athletes to succeed. Often, coaches get upset when their teams fail and consequently, that translates down to the athletes. In turn, they get upset as well, because they will model the coach’s behavior. I believe a coach should discuss with his team how even Hall of Fame athletes have failed throughout their careers. Michael Jordan made 50% of his shots. That means he also missed 50% of his shots. A baseball Hall of Famer usually has a batting average over 300. That means that three times out of ten, they got a hit, but seven times out of ten they made an out.

One of the best ways for athletes to learn about failing is to learn to embrace it and accept it. I feel coaches should teach young athletes as much about succeeding as well as failing. What I have found over my 32 years working as a sport psychologist is that many coaches don’t talk with their athletes about failure. They are often so focused on what they need to do to succeed that failure is often overlooked. My suggestion is that you talk with your athletes about how to react to failure both emotionally and intellectually. Discuss with them how they feel when they strike out or miss an easy putt on the golf course. But also, talk with them about how to react to it. By learning to not be afraid when failure occurs, I believe an athlete will develop better coping mechanisms to come back from it. Ask your athletes what they are thinking when they fail. Do negative thoughts start to take over and does their self-confidence start to decrease? Help them to develop mental coping mechanisms to be able to rebound from failing and to not be afraid of it. The more you discuss it, and emphasize that it is something every athlete has to deal with, and that it isn’t something they should fear, the greater the chance that it will not become a barrier to their success.

Ego and Athletes

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 23:51:00 GMT

This past week, Lance Armstrong finally admitted that he had used performance enhancing drugs during his long career as a cyclist. Over the past year, he has been the subject of numerous investigations and allegations in which he has vehemently denied that he used any performance enhancing drugs to assist his performance in winning numerous Tour de France titles and other cycling championships. He admitted in his interview with Oprah Winfrey that he had lied, but wouldn’t admit that he was cheating, because he stated that the definition of cheat is “to gain an advantage on a rival or foe. I didn’t view it that way. I viewed it as a level playing field”.
Armstrong didn’t appear very remorseful in the interview and still didn’t appear to care that what he did was breaking the rules, because he believed all of his competitors were doing the same. Whether or not that is true, the fact that he felt he could continually lie and deceive so many people for so long is what bothers me the most.

So what do we learn from all of this. One of the first things that comes to my mind is the fact that he doesn’t understand that he was cheating. Having worked with the US Cycling team from 1982-1988, including participation at three World Championships and the 1984 Olympics, where we won out first cycling medals in 72 years, I am very aware of the the use of performance enhancing drugs in this sport. Many cyclists, but not all, feel they have to use these performance enhancers to keep up with the competition. However, no matter how you look at it, by breaking the rules, he was cheating. I believe he felt he was above the rules because he is the great, Lance Armstrong, and felt the rules didn’t apply to him. Consequently, he continued to lie because he felt he could get away with it. Does any of this sound familiar to what happened to Tiger Woods when he was caught cheating on his wife? Along the way, Armstrong ruined numerous people’s lives and careers. Apparently, it didn’t matter to him.

Second, no matter what is done, there will always be athletes who will use some kind of performance enhancers that are either illegal, or against the rules to attempt to gain an edge on the competition. Athletes are always looking for an edge, whether it is within the rules or outside of them. Unfortunately, these individuals will always exist because of their own insecurities. If they felt confident enough with themselves and their abilities, they wouldn’t feel they had to turn to these enhancers.

Finally, third and maybe most importantly, Armstrong continually lied to everyone. To his family, friends, teammates and everyone else he lied. He became a victim of sports in our society today. Although most athletes are respectful, considerate and examples of good sportsmanship, there are a few elite athletes who believe they are above everyone else. They don’t believe the rules apply to them, because of who they are. These athletes are continually catered to because they are great at their respective sport, and eventually believe their press clippings and fail to remain balanced in their lives. The reason there is almost an 85% divorce rate for professional athletes within three years of retirement is well documented. An athlete needs to learn how to keep his/her ego in check not only during their career, but after it as well. If they have confidants who can be honest with them and tell them the truth, especially when they are making mistakes, they will be more grounded and honest, especially with themselves.

Athletes Are Human

Fri, 07 Dec 2012 21:31:00 GMT

Before I begin my newsletter, I would like to wish everyone a happy holiday season. I would also like to invite you to check out my revised, new website, www.winnersunlimited.com. This past Saturday morning a terrible tragedy happened in Kansas City. Kansas City Chiefs linebacker, Javon Belcher murdered his girlfriend at their residence and then drove…

How Important Should Sports Be?

Fri, 02 Nov 2012 05:27:00 GMT

This past week, Hurricane Sandy has devastated the eastern part of the United States. As of the writing of this newsletter, millions of people are still without power, thousands have either lost their homes or been forced to evacuate because of damage from the storm, much of the public transit system is still not running, including most of New York’s subway system, and more people are being found either dead or missing on a daily basis. My youngest son is a senior at New York University and has not been able to sleep in his dormitory since Saturday because there is no power in the building. His classes have been cancelled all week. Every night he has had to find somewhere else to sleep and shower with relatives or friends who have electricity. And he feels fortunate.

Yesterday, I heard the news that despite all of the tragedy that has occurred this past week and all of the problems that New York is facing, the famed New York City Marathon will still be held this Sunday. Why? The reasoning I heard was that the over 47,000 runners registered will bring in much needed money to New York and that it will be a much needed distraction to the residents of the city. To me, this is utter arrogance and stupidity. Having volunteered for years on Kansas City’s Hospital Hill half marathon race committee, I know the demands a race like this requires. Streets have to be closed for hours; hundreds of volunteers are needed as well as hundreds of police and paramedics. With the New York community suffering the crisis it has endured over the past week, I cannot understand the rationale behind this decision. Power crews and police and emergency personnel have been working nonstop all week, and now must also be available for a marathon that can take 6 to 7 hours for some to finish. Thousands of runners and their families need lodging, food and transportation to a city that has thousands of residents in crisis. To me this brings up the question I have discussed numerous times on my weekly radio show, just how important should sports be? If you have read my newsletter over the past several years, you know that I feel sports are the greatest discipline to find out about yourself and what you can achieve. Sports bring people, schools and communities together. It CAN be a good distraction from the stressors and issues we face in life on a daily basis. However, when your community is facing a crisis the magnitude that the New York City area is facing, an event like this should not go on. In my opinion, it should either be postponed or cancelled for this year. Sports are an important component of our society. It does bring people together. Over a million fans attended the victory parade this week for the San Francisco Giants after their World Series victory. But, when you still have millions without power, thousands displaced because their homes have either been destroyed or severely damaged, it makes no sense to run a 26.1 mile race through these streets. As I said, sports is important, but having an event like this occurring while the area is going through this crisis to me makes no sense. I would like to hear the rationale from the race organizers and race committee members regarding the reasoning for this decision. I am guessing for them, their motto is, “The games must go on.” Your thoughts.

Cheering an Injury

Thu, 25 Oct 2012 05:36:00 GMT

At a recent Kansas City Chiefs NFL game, an incident occurred that sparked a lot of national attention. The Chiefs starting quarterback, Matt Cassell, who has not played well this year was injured during a play against the Baltimore Ravens. Cassell was knocked hard to the ground and appeared to have a head injury, which…

Cheating

Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:38:00 GMT

Over the past month, several stories have been reported about athletes who have been caught cheating. In baseball, San Francisco Giant star outfielder, Melky Cabrera, the MVP of this year’s All Star Game and former Cy Young award winner, Bartolo Colon of the Oakland Athletics, both failed drug tests and were each suspended 50 games…

Is Average Good Enough?

Fri, 06 Jul 2012 16:02:00 GMT

Recently, I had a conversation with a youth sports coach about the variety of differences in talent and abilities of the 6th grade boys he has been coaching in baseball. He has been their recreational coach since the boys were in 1st grade. He told me that it has been a very frustrating summer for…

Balance, Burnout and Sports

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 18:55:00 GMT

First of all, I want to emphasize that I love sports. Always have and always will. I am 57 years old and have played sports all of my life and will hopefully be able to participate for the rest of my life. I love the thrill of competing and the excitement of accomplishing a goal on the athletic field. I grew up in a time when organized sports were at day or summer camps and team sports were mostly in schools. There were some summer teams that played baseball and basketball, but most were set up in the school systems. Today, it is totally different. Recreational sports and club sports exist in almost every sport and are year round. They begin at very young ages and continue all the way through high school.
It has gotten to the point now, where if you don’t start specializing in a sport by age 9 or 10, the message to most kids is that you will never be on the best teams or be able to play at the high school level. As time goes on, the more I speak with parents, coaches and athletes, the more I feel we are doing a tremendous disservice to our kids.

Last month, Junior Seau committed suicide. Seau, 43, was a great NFL linebacker for 20 years, having spent most of his time playing for his hometown, San Diego Chargers. Divorced and the father of three children, Seau had been retired for a couple of years. Did he commit suicide because of the effects of concussions? Or was it because football had been his life and he didn’t know what else to do with himself after he retired?

This past week, two fathers both had conversations with me that made me think about how much pressure and emphasis we put on sports for kids. One father, a college soccer coach, told me that his 14 year old son, an excellent club soccer player, asked if it would be OK if he took the fall off from his club soccer team to play high school soccer. The coach and his wife felt like it would be a good thing for their son. They spoke with the club coaches and shared their decision with them. The club coaches got hostile and confrontational and told them they were kicking the young man off the team because he wasn’t staying committed. The father told me that after thinking about how they spend between $12,000 and $15,000 a year on his club soccer, between traveling expenses and club fees, it would be fine to take the fall off and play on his high school team. After listening to the responses from the club coaches, he knew they had made the correct decision. As a college coach, he said if it isn’t fun in high school, it would never be fun in college. Another father spoke with me about his 12 year old daughter’s club volleyball experience. This weekend, they were leaving for a 4 day tournament out of town, that would end up costing over $1200 in traveling fees and tournament costs. He asked me if I thought it was worth it. I asked him if he could afford it. He said yes, but he spent $16,000 last year on his daughter’s volleyball expenses. I asked him if his daughter was having fun. He wasn’t sure if she was anymore. I then told him I thought they should have a family discussion about it. He told me she didn’t participate in any other activities because of the demands of the team. I talked with him about getting burned out and not having time to be a kid. He said they were going to have a long talk about this on the drive back home after the tournament. Having balance in your life is essential for everyone. For kids, I think the most important thing is to be a kid. If sports become all too consuming and become the be all end all in your child’s life, you may not be exposing them to all of the keys to becoming a successful person. Having fun, enjoying the experience, making friends and learning about yourself are in my opinion, what youth sports should be about. The winning and losing are part of it, but should be way down the list in terms of importance.

Winning vs Character: What is More Important for a Coach?

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 19:13:00 GMT

Over the past several weeks, I have read, observed and discussed with many individuals the behavior of several coaches. Bobby Petrino and Ozzie Guillen are two of the coaches who have been in the news lately as a result of their behavior.

Guillen became the manager of the Miami Marlins during the winter and had become one of the new faces of the franchise. The Marlins have signed several prominent free agents this winter, have moved into a new stadium and changed their name. The franchise has not drawn many fans and has hoped that these changes would help them attract more fans, especially from the heavily populated Latin community in Miami. So what does Guillen do? In an interview,he praised Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro. Numerous individuals called for Guillen to be fired. Thousands of former Cubans escaped Cuba to live in freedom away from Castro’s dictatorship in south Florida and now the new manager of the baseball team praises him. Guillen was suspended for five games and made a public apology. Never reluctant to express himself on or off the baseball field, he made a huge mistake in his statements. Many fans have said they will not attend Marlin games while he is employed by the organization.

Petrino had been the head football coach at Arkansas for the past four seasons and had turned the program around into a winner. However, earlier this month he was in a motorcycle accident. After a press conference with the media, it was discovered that Petrino had lied about the accident. It was revealed that he had been riding with a former Arkansas athlete with whom he had been having an affair since last fall. Petrino lied about her being with him in the accident and attempted to cover up his behavior. Not long after this occurred he was fired as a head coach. However, many Razorback fans wanted him to remain as head coach because of his ability to turn the team into a winner.

The main issue here with both of these incidents relates to character. Guillen has a history of speaking his mind and emotionally exploding. When the Marlins hired him, they had to have been aware of this. He is a successful manager, having won the World Series with the Chicago White Sox a few years ago. He could not have made a more damaging remark to offend the thousands of Cubans living in Florida. However, the Marlins decided to keep him after he apologized. Petrino, despite his history of being a successful football coach, could not keep his job, because the issue of character became more important. As a father of two college sons, one of whom is a collegiate swimmer, I applaud the Arkansas Athletic Director for making this coaching change. I would not want my son being coached by a man who blatantly lied not only to the media, but to his superiors as well. If you were an athlete on his team, how could you and why should you believe anything he would say after this kind of behavior? In the end, I believe character is more important than winning, no matter what level of sport you are playing.

Why Do Upsets Happen?

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 19:15:00 GMT

It is NCAA tournament time and everyone in college basketball is excited to see who will be the champion. Will it be one of the top seeds or will it be a team that few people give a
chance to win a game, or make it to the national championship game? Everyone in sports is always wondering what team or individual is capable of pulling the upset. Why do upsets happen and how do teams react when they fall behind?

No greater example of this happens than in the NCAA tournament. Teams are seeded and evaluated based on their records, strength of schedule and ability of players and coaches. Many teams are favored because of the reputations of their head coaches and their ability to play well in big tournament games. But, no matter what the record, what the reputation or history of the team, upsets occur all the time. So why do they happen? In my opinion, there are several reasons why upsets happen. First and most importantly, I think player’s egos play a huge role. Sometimes teams get way too caught up in their reputation, their statistics and the name on their jersey. They just assume that they will win because of who they are and what they have accomplished. Often, when this happens, they take their opponents lightly and don’t get properly prepared mentally for their game. This can also happen because the athletes spend too much time reading the press clippings about how great they are. Second, some teams start games off way too uptight and tense. Consequently, they may fall behind early and not be prepared for this. This can result in thinking too much about what is wrong and this eventually leads to too much muscle tension and tightness. Then, shots don’t fall and you can find yourself way behind. Third, some teams are just overlooked and not expected to win because they play in a smaller conference and aren’t expected to do well because they don’t have the reputation of their opponent. As a sport psychologist, I believe that the two keys to preventing upsets happen relate to preparation and leadership. If a team is properly prepared, they will have a game plan to handle situations when they are ahead or fall behind. Successful coaches have game plans to deal with these situations and will have prepared their teams on what to do when either of these situations occur. I also believe that the teams that usually succeed have players who aren’t afraid to be team leaders. They can lead either by example or by vocally speaking up. They will be the type of player who will not be afraid to take charge when the pressure is on, take the shot, or speak their mind to their teammates. As long as sports competitions occur, upsets will happen. As I always say, “You can have two athletes of equal physical ability, but the one with the stronger mind will usually be the one who will come out on top.”

The Fine Line Between Winning and Losing

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 19:17:00 GMT

Last week the AFC and NFC Championship Games were played to determine the participants in the Super Bowl. In two exciting games, the winners were both decided by field goals, one that was made in overtime and one that was missed at the end of regulation. The New England Patriots won the AFC Championship when…

Coaching Education and Fear

Mon, 26 Dec 2011 19:18:00 GMT

As I have thought about my last newsletter of the year, I have tried to think what the biggest sports stories of the year were about. The answer to me was simple. It has been the accusations of sexual abuse that have been disclosed over the past two months regarding coaches at Penn State University…

Execution or Results: Which Do You Think About During Competition?

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 19:20:00 GMT

Every young boy dreams about it at some time. You grow up rooting for your home team playing in the backyard or at the local school’s ball field. It’s the bottom of the ninth in the World Series, your team is losing and you are coming up with your chance to win the game for…

Sportsmanship

Tue, 18 Oct 2011 19:21:00 GMT

This past weekend, after the San Francisco 49ers had defeated the Detroit Lions in an intense NFL game, the head coaches of each team briefly met at midfield for the obligatory handshake. However, this handshake turned out to be much more than that. San Francisco had just handed Detroit their first defeat of the year,…

What Team Should My Child Play On?

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 19:22:00 GMT

As we move into the fall sports season, several people have asked me how to determine what team and what level of competition their child should participate in. Youth sports has gotten so diverse and complicated, that we now have recreational leagues, competitive leagues and traveling teams. And some of these levels of competitive and…

Choosing the Best Coach

Thu, 28 Jul 2011 19:23:00 GMT

I recently had a conversation with a physician regarding his nine year old son, who is preparing to play tackle football this fall. The discussion revolved around what team his son was going to play for. The young man has been on the same team the past two years, but his parents were concerned about…

Family vs. Sports

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 19:24:00 GMT

On Saturday, June 18, USA soccer stars, Landon Donovan and Clint Dempsey were not at soccer practice with the national team as it prepared for it’s June 19 game against Jamaica in the CONCACAF Gold Cup. Each of them was attending their respective sister’s weddings. Donovan was in California and Dempsey was in Texas. However,…

Talent vs. Character

Fri, 13 May 2011 19:26:00 GMT

As I have finished working with several high school and college teams over the past few weeks, a topic that has repeatedly come up has been the issue of an athlete’s character. During the recent NFL draft, this was one of the most talked about topics that was discussed by analysts, coaches and members of the media. Many teams were hesitant and often passed at drafting players who were very physically gifted, but had problems related to their personalities and behavior. I heard comments from several NFL coaches and draft personnel that they were reluctant to draft certain individuals because of troubles they had with teammates, coaches and girlfriends. Unlike 20 years ago, details about almost anyone’s personal life can be found all over the internet, and on a number of social networking cites. Between facebook, twitter and cell phone cameras it isn’t difficult to find out private information about almost anyone’s past or current behaviors.

A discussion I have recently had with several college basketball coaches about what kind of players they want to have on their team focused on this issue. Ideally, they would love to have players who were at the top of the scale in both character and talent levels. And, indeed they believe that they have several players like this. However, these coaches also mentioned that they have taken chances at times on players who were extremely high on talent and physical ability, but had a history of personal issues ranging from drug and alcohol use to behavioral problems. Typically, when they have signed players who have had a history of some kind of behavioral problems, they have provided counseling and alternatives for these individuals to be able to deal with their problems. Several times this has been helpful, but several times they have found that these problems have continued and have led to other problems on their teams. So if you are a coach, what do you do? The feedback I have received from most coaches is that they would almost always take a chance on working with an athlete who has superior talent, but has had behavioral problems in the past, as long as they haven’t been to severe. However, unless they consistently work with these individuals on a personal basis, most coaches have told me that these problems are almost certain to continue. Consequently, several coaches have stated they would rather have athletes on their team who may not be the most physically gifted, but have great character, because they are easier to coach and make better teammates. Young athletes in their teens leading up to their early 20’s are very impressionable and easily influenced. If they were raised without a solid upbringing and without consistent role models to help direct them, there is a chance that they might not always follow the rules. However, I believe if you can assist them at working on these issues consistently, offer them the guidance and support they need, you stand a greater chance of success. But, in the end, as I always like to say, if you have two athletes of equal skill and physical make-up, the one with the stronger mind will usually come out on top.

The Emotional Side of Falling Behind In a Competition

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 19:27:00 GMT

This past weekend I watched the last number one seed in the NCAA tournament, the Kansas Jayhawks, lose to VCU in the Elite Eight. Just a couple of days earlier, two other number one seeds, Duke and Ohio State fell in the Sweet 16. After watching these losses, I read a statistic that only 40%…

The Results Depend on the Process

Sat, 26 Feb 2011 19:27:00 GMT

Recently I have been working with a high school senior who desperately wanted to qualify for his state championships and make it to the finals. Throughout the season he had been getting frustrated because he would swim efficiently in practice, but would not do nearly as well in meets. After giving a motivational speech to…

When Is It Time To Hang Up Your Spikes?

Sun, 06 Feb 2011 19:28:00 GMT

In our world of being sometimes overwhelmed in youth sports, many have asked me when is the best time to stop playing a sport? That is a very difficult question to answer, as it really depends on the individual. Recently, Kansas City Royals pitcher, Gil Meche, announced he was retiring from baseball. What made this…

Emotion, Focus and Confidence

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 19:29:00 GMT

As I watched the NFL playoff games on Saturday, it became very obvious to me how both the Jets and Seahawks were not given much of a chance to defeat the defending Super Bowl participants, New Orleans and Indianapolis. Even though Seattle had the home field advantage, every so called expert I heard interviewed, gave…

Do You Have Paralysis by Analysis?

Mon, 01 Nov 2010 19:31:00 GMT

This past week I saw a new client in my office who is a multiple high school state champion wrestler. This young man decided he wanted to work with me because he wants to overcome the one major problem he has during competitions. When I asked him what that problem was, he very clearly stated,…

Upset Weekend

Mon, 25 Oct 2010 19:33:00 GMT

I have mentioned numerous times, the quote that was told to me years ago, “Sports is the greatest theatre in the world, everyone knows their part, but no one knows what will happen.” This past weekend several teams that were supposed to win didn’t. Did they lose because of overconfidence? Did they lose because they…

Confidence, Play Adult Supervision and Imagination

Tue, 07 Sep 2010 19:34:00 GMT

This past week I began working with a collegiate women’s softball team and had our first meeting. As I spoke with this group of young women, ages 18 thru 22, we discussed when they began playing softball, as well as other sports. Most had begun between six and eight years of age and had eventually gravitated to softball as their primary sport by age 12. During our discussion, I asked them if any of them could remember going out to play or practice on their own with their friends without a parent supervising the practice. None of them could remember a time when a parent was not around either coaching or supervising the practice. This conversation validated and reinforced some of the concerns I have had about youth sports for a while. I have written about it in this newsletter and discussed it on my weekly radio show. My show can be heard every Sunday morning, from 7 to 8 Central time on Sportsradio 810 in Kansas City. The web address is: www.810whb.com.

Obviously, in today’s society, things have changed quite a bit since I grew up. I am 55 years old and can vividly remember going up to the grade school around the corner from my house with my friends after school. We would play baseball, football or basketball until it was dark and then go home for the night. There were no parents or adults around telling us how to swing the bat, throw the ball or block an opponent.

We just played for the fun of it. We chose sides, wanted to win, but most importantly had a good time doing it. So what has happened to today’s youth? One key issue is safety. Today, much more so than in the past, this issue exists for kids. But, do we always have to have an adult supervising the practices? Can’t they just be there in the car or on a bench reading a book, not coaching or supervising? Do we always have to give them our input and instruction? Have you as a coach, ever had a practice where you just let the kids play and not coach them? Another key issue pertains to video games, computers, cell phones, Ipods, and every other technological device that will keep kids from playing outside. These are great distractions from playing outside and some of the newer video games can be played for hours on end without an end to them.

My concern with this issue as a sport psychologist is that I have started to notice more and more that many of the young people I am working with have serious issues with self-confidence. Although there are a lot of reasons why self-confidence can be seriously impacted, I am finding that a lot of these young people have issues with it because they don’t know how to solve problems on their own. They have always depended on a coach, teacher or adult to guide them through. Whenever they strike out, miss a shot or throw a bad pass there is always someone there to tell them why and what they need to do to change it (unless they have a coach who degrades them and that is a whole other issue). Since self-confidence means believing in yourself, it is pretty difficult for this to happen if someone else is always there telling you how to do it. If you have a child playing sports think about how much time they have for themselves. Are they always going from one practice to another, or do they have time to play with their friends without being supervised? I think if we can give our kids more time to play on their own, they will access their own imagination and be able to be develop a stronger and higher level of self-confidence as they get older.

Narcissistic Athletes

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 19:35:00 GMT

After listening, reading and watching the events leading up to LeBron James televised news conference to announce he had signed with the Miami Heat, I heard many reporters discuss LeBron’s “narcissistic attitude. One prominent NBA expert stated that he thought LeBron’s ego was bigger than several entire NBA teams. When was the last time you…

Why Having Fun Makes Sense

Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:36:00 GMT

For the past 30 years, I have been working in the field of sport psychology, and every day it seems that I am learning something new about people and how we act and react in different situations. Over the past 15 years, as I have raised two sons who are now 20 and 19 years old, I have observed and participated with them as they have grown up playing many sports including soccer, baseball, basketball, golf and swimming. My youngest son just completed his freshman year in college and was a member of his school’s swim team. I have watched both of my sons succeed and fail along the way. Sometimes these have been very pleasant situations and many times they have not. As both of my sons began to play on numerous teams, I saw firsthand the difference in coaching styles, motivation and the growth and destruction in confidence in both of them by different coaches.

This past weekend Kansas City Royals’ first base coach, Rusty Kuntz, and I presented a sportsmanship seminar at a local Kansas City high school. The turnout was small, but everyone who participated left with several methods and tools to help them as coaches and as people. I left with a renewed enthusiasm for what I do and what I have been talking about in the articles I have been writing and the conversations I have been sharing on my weekly radio show. My enthusiasm came from listening to Rusty share a great story about his son. I have know Rusty for the past three years as I have been the sport psychologist with the Royals and have admired his communication skills, his honesty and his love for coaching. He puts in countless hours, as do most Major League coaches, with little fanfare or notoriety helping and teaching baseball players to improve their skills. Even though they are in the Major Leagues, they still can continue to improve and grow as baseball players and as people.

Rusty talked about what happened to his son when he was 11 years old. His son tried out for a local baseball team in Florida and was cut along with several other boys. Rusty saw that there were enough kids cut to start up another team. He asked another dad, who had zero coaching experience, if he would be willing to help coach these kids. The other dad was willing, and with Rusty’s guidance, they put together a team of the 11 boys who had been cut. Rusty emphasized that they had one goal for the team, HAVE FUN. He stated that the score was irrelevant, winning and losing was irrelevant, and that the only thing that mattered was HAVING FUN. He emphasized that this rule applied not only to the boys but to their parents as well. After every practice and every game he always asked the boys if they had fun and they almost always said yes. They played two games on Saturdays for one hour each that first year and did not win one game. THEY LOST EVERY GAME. But the boys came back the next year and kept playing. None of them quit and they continued to play as they got older. The highlight of the story was that Rusty mentioned that all 11 boys not only played thru high school, but all of them are now playing college baseball. ALL OF THEM ARE PLAYING IN COLLEGE.

Why? I believe because winning and losing were not emphasized, HAVING FUN was. These boys were taught to enjoy their experience and not worry about the results. Remember, they were all cut from their team as 11 year olds, told they were not good enough to play on that team. I wonder how many of those kids who were not cut from that original team continued to play, even past 13 years of age. Yesterday, on my radio show as I shared this story, a mother called concerned about her 8 year old son who plays baseball. She stated that he cried himself to sleep recently one night because he had gone one for eleven in a tournament. Do you think his coach emphasized having fun or was winning? Too bad Rusty isn’t his coach.

Playing Time or Bench Time

Wed, 05 May 2010 19:37:00 GMT

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had several conversations with parents who have been upset and confused about the lack of playing time their child has had on their sport team. Two of these conversations involved high school softball players and the others were about younger recreational athletes. In all of these situations, the parents were upset because they did not feel their child was being given the opportunity to participate. All of these parents were upset because they would come to the games and watch their child sit on the bench, obviously frustrated and then have to deal with their anger as they left the sports complex.

There are several issues involved with this topic. First, what level is your child competing at? Different problems arise at the high school level then the problems that occur in youth sports. And, in youth sports there is a difference between the recreational and competitive level. However, to me, the most obvious issue here is this: Is the competition about the athlete or about coach? In my opinion, too often these problems occur because of the coach’s ego. It becomes more about the coach and his/her need to win than it is about letting everyone be able to participate.

I have talked for years about the importance of the preseason meeting. I think every coach should have this meeting for both athletes and parents. This is the time for the coach to share his/her goals for the upcoming season, their focus on winning and on participation. If you as a parent, have concerns, this is the time to discuss it. If you disagree enough with the coach, then you have to decide whether or not your child should be on the team. Some high school coaches are under tremendous pressure to win and consequently will play their best players most of the time. I think it is a coach’s obligation to explain to every player what their role is on the team. If this changes as the season progresses and your child doesn’t get to play, then they should set up a time to speak with the coach and ask what they need to do to get more playing time. I think it is important for the coach to think about the long term consequences of not letting everyone participate. I have had many conversations with adults who still remember like it was yesterday what it was like to sit on the bench and not get in the game.

In youth sports, I think all kids should play whether at the recreational or competitive level. Most recreational coaches revolve playing time, while competitive coaches typically have certain kids who play most of the time. However, I still believe every coach should explain everyone’s role on the team, and every child should be able to participate. If you have a child playing youth sports, and the coach stops playing them, you have two options to solve the problem. Initially, have your child ask the coach what they need to do to get more playing time. If your child isn’t mature enough to do this, than the parent should set up a time to speak with the coach away from practice and ask the same questions.

Very few athletes who start playing sports as a child make it to the collegiate or professional level. Youth sports and high school sports should give kids a chance to participate, learn skills, learn about teamwork and self-confidence and most importantly have fun. Sitting on the bench and not getting in the game is no fun for everyone involved.

BELIEVE

Sat, 03 Apr 2010 19:39:00 GMT

Tonight, Butler University defeated Michigan State to advance to the championship game of the Men’s NCAA Tournament on April 5, 2010. When the tournament began two weeks ago, most people were picking Kansas, Kentucky, Syracuse among others to advance to the title game. Although Butler has had a tremendous season, they were not expected to…

Athletes and Balance

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:40:00 GMT

This past week I listened to Tiger Woods deliver his apology to the media regarding his behavior and the effect it has had on him and his family. Obviously, many have commented on his speech, whether he meant what he said and whether he actually wrote it or had it written for him. From the speech, we have learned that he has been in therapy for his behaviors, he has been working on trying to keep his marriage and family intact, he acknowledged that he needs to clean up his behavior on the golf course when he returns and most importantly that Tiger Woods himself, has realized that he is human.

Since he was a toddler, he has been treated as a golf prodigy. With appearances on national television with his father, Tiger showed how good he was at swinging a golf club. He was projected to be a great golfer someday. Well, that prediction became reality and with it came problems. Those problems in my opinion as a sport psychologist looking in from the outside related to one of my favorite topics that I discuss with athletes I work with. That word is BALANCE. I have never met Tiger Woods, but have watched his development from afar. I have often wondered how he handled the pressures and expectations that came with so much fame, success and money. Now we know in part how he dealt with it. I don’t care who you are, what sport you play, how successful you become. No matter what, you are just as human as everyone else. During my 30 years working in this profession, I have met many extremely successful athletes and coaches who have become champions from the Olympics all the way down to youth sports. I have also met many who never became as successful as they had hoped. No matter what successes or failures they have faced in athletics, athletes and coaches still have to deal with the same issues as everyone else. That is why I think it is imperative that parents share and discuss with their kids the importance of being a human being. What I mean by this is no matter how good your child is at their respective sport and no matter what dreams you may have for them as a parent in terms of their athletic future, what are you teaching them about being a teammate, a classmate, a sibling or a grandson or granddaughter? BALANCE does not mean everything is equal, it means everything has a place. Too many young athletes are pushed by their parents, because they are good at their sport. If it is kept in check, that is great. But, if that is the only thing that matters, there is a good chance that young person will have problems later. Tiger Woods stated, “I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I thought I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn’t have to go far to find them.” Whenever I work with an athlete or team, I always discuss what I call the nonmaterialistic keys to success. These are issues related to commitment, attitude, honesty, being humble and showing respect, confidence, communication, preparation and focus. It has always been my belief that you will have a greater chance for success in and out of sports if you focus on these issues as a coach or parent. Talent and ability, two words I still don’t know how to define, only take you so far in sports, and then you have to deal with life…….

What is Wrong With Youth Sports Today?

Fri, 01 Jan 2010 19:40:00 GMT

I recently presented this topic on my weekly radio show in Kansas City. When asking listeners what they thought were some of the problems with sports at the youth sport and high school levels, one consistent answer came up….”Parents”. Why parents? I would ask. Most of the comments centered around parental behavior during games and the demands and expectations placed on kids by parents. Several callers mentioned that they had quit sports because of the pressure their parents put on them to be better than everyone else. One caller even mentioned that his father continually told him that he could become a Major League ball player if he kept working at it. However, this caller said he quit in high school because he just did not want to play anymore.

I have found over the 30 years I have been working in sport psychology that parental involvement has changed both for the good and the bad. Obviously, today youth sports is organized and structured so that kids can start playing at early ages around four or five. Leagues have been organized and competitions at the local and national levels have been set up. From a positive standpoint, I believe this has allowed many kids the opportunity to get involved who may not have had that opportunity in the past. All kinds of facilities exist today for kids to learn skills and techniques in everything from baseball, football and basketball to gymnastics, figure skating and swimming. From a health and fitness standpoint, this has been a tremendous benefit to many kids.

However, from a negative perspective, I believe too often parents have often gotten too involved. I can’t remember the last time I drove by an elementary school and saw a group of kids playing without an adult supervising them. There are obvious safety issues involved today, that did not exist when I was growing up in the 1960’s. However, I believe youth sports are so organized that we don’t give kids the opportunity to create and play on their own. Parents have set up too many rules and requirements about playing that we don’t give kids the chance to do it on their own. When was the last time your son or daughter went up to the elementary school with some of their friends and chose sides and played on their own. I am guessing most of you cannot answer that question. Is this good or bad? The benefits of structured youth sports are very clear. But, I believe we need to give kids the chance and opportunity to play and create on their own, because this can develop and foster self-confidence. Most importantly, it will give kids the chance to have fun on their own without a parent telling them what they did wrong.

Are Athletes Really Role Models or Are They Just People?

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Perhaps Charles Barkley had it correct. He was quoted in 2002 saying, “I am not paid to be a role model. I am paid to wreak havoc on a basketball court. Parents should be role models. Just because I can dunk a basketball, that doesn’t mean I should raise your kids.”

This past year we have seen Tiger Woods admit to “transgressions”. He has taken a leave from the PGA tour to work on his marriage in light of numerous alleged extramarital affairs. Rick Pitino, the head coach of Louisville’s men’s basketball team has admitted an extramarital affair, that tremendously shook that university. Michael Phelps was recorded smoking marijuana. Steve Garvey, Wade Boggs, Shawn Kemp, Derrick Thomas, Patrick Ewing,,,,, the list goes on and on. If we go back in the history of sports, you will find that athletes of almost every generation may have been great performers on the athletic field, but may have had a variety of issues off the field that affected their personal and professional lives. Babe Ruth was a severe alcoholic, but could hit home runs, so he was worshipped for his athletic abilities. However, his alcohol problem probably led to the end of his career sooner than it may have had he been sober.

Athletes have been and will continually be looked upon, especially by the youth of today and of future generations with great admiration and awe. Beyond the physical gifts many of these individuals have, they also have the mental and psychological skills that allow them to excel at their respective sport. Whether it is hitting a towering home run, shooting a score in the low 60’s, dunking a basketball or breaking a world record in the pool or on the track, superior athletes will always be looked upon by most people as having the ability to do anything better than the rest of us. But does that mean they are better than everyone else and should be looked on as a role model?

The answer to that question in my opinion is yes and no. Most professional athletes are wonderful human beings. They are role models for youngsters and for adults. They conduct themselves professionally and treat others with respect and humility. You never hear a lot about these athletes because they stay out of trouble, follow the rules of society and their teams, and are great teammates. However, some athletes stand out because of their superior physical talents. They are looked upon differently. They are “supposed” to be better than everyone else because of their physical gifts. However, they may not be. Why? Because, they are just as human as the rest of us. Their physical gifts may be greater than others, but emotionally and psychologically, they may not have the same values and abilities. That may be because of their upbringing, or it may be because they have been catered to by others because of their athletic abilities. Consequently, even though they may run faster and jump higher than others, they may not be able to handle it as well.

Personally, I believe these athletes can be even greater role models for all of us when they admit they have failed and are honest about trying to change their ways. It is not easy being in the public spotlight. In today’s society with all of the technological advances and media outlets, it is extremely difficult to keep your private life private. As a result, I think an athlete or coach who has been successful, but then makes a serious life altering mistake and can admit his “transgressions” can be a greater role model for his or her honesty.
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Does Screaming at Athletes Work?

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 19:46:00 GMT

I recently attended a Kansas City Chiefs home game and observed first year Coach Todd Haley yell at a player when he came to the sideline after missing a tackle. As I watched Coach Haley get in the face of his player, it made me think about motivating and communicating with athletes at all ages. What works and what does not? Over the 30 years I have worked as a sport psychologist, I have observed some coaches yell at players continuously, some talk calmly and others communicate at a variety of levels in between.

A coach’s job is to coach, to motivate and to get their athletes to perform as close to their potential as possible. Every time I speak to a group of coaches, I always tell them that they are psychologists. They have to evaluate and understand their player’s psyches, their goals and their fears. As a result, they need to know when to push an athlete and when to put their arm around their shoulder.

I believe the key issue in terms of motivating athletes revolves around respect. When a coach and athlete are able to communicate clearly, openly and honestly it doesn’t matter what method they use, it is the message they are sharing. However, if a coach feels the need to scream and yell at an athlete, I feel that they are missing the point of being a coach. Does yelling work? Sometimes it does, but most of the time, I believe it is done out of frustration. A coach who is able to communicate his or her thoughts clearly and calmly will get more out of their team then the one who feels the need to lose control.

A coach who yells at an athlete may get their attention initially, but eventually will lose them if they do it too much. Coaches are teachers, as well as psychologists and motivators. They must be able to communicate in a balanced and controlled manner. A coach must have balance in their communication skills. If they feel they need to get their athletes attention sometimes raising their voice can work, but repeatedly screaming will eventually result in losing the athlete, and probably the game as well.

Tom Watson and the British Open

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 19:48:00 GMT

This past week, Tom Watson at age 59, finished in a tie for first after regulation at the British Open golf tournament. He lost in a playoff to Stewart Cink. However, his attempt to win this tournament attracted many to their televisions as he played the final round. Even though he fell just short of…

When Is It Appropriate for Your Child to Move from Recreational to Elite Level Sports

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 19:48:00 GMT

This past week a parent of a 10 year old girl asked me whether I thought it was appropriate for their daughter to move up from a recreational soccer team to a premier team. He mentioned that his daughter was a very good athlete and played several sports year round. She enjoyed all of them and had never asked to play on a premier team. However, a premier coach had been scouting her team for new players and was extremely impressed with her athleticism. As a result, the coach asked the parents if they would be interested in having their daughter attend a tryout and they agreed. After attending the tryout the coach essentially begged the parents to let their daughter join the team. The father told me he was concerned about several issues: time commitment, money, traveling, and a loss of interest in other activities as a result of specializing in one sport. What would you do?

In today’s world of youth sports, this is an issue that many people are confronted with on a regular basis. More and more youth sports are becoming more of a business rather than an activity. Youth sport academies are popping up all over the country to train kids in specific techniques in their sport. Private coaches, nutritionists, personal trainers and sport psychologists are available to be hired to assist your child at getting better in all aspects of their athletic activity. So when does sport become more of an activity that is based on winning and have the idea of a college scholarship become an issue, or where should it just be an activity where kids can just have some fun and play with their friends?

I believe recreational youth sports should just be that, recreational. The focus of any sport at this level should be on having fun, getting all of the kids to play and have something that will give them a positive memory. Yes, eventually, the trophies, plaques and ribbons may be boxed up and put away, but the opportunity to play and have some fun is what youth sports at this level should be all about. I am aware of traveling premier youth teams in baseball, softball, basketball and soccer for kids at ages 6 and 7. Personally, I believe this is too young of an age for kids to be participating at this level. Yes, some kids are farther along physically and from an emotional maturity level, but I believe most kids can burn out by the time they are 13 to 14 and want to do other things if they have been playing at this level for such a long time.

From my conversations over the past 30 years with parents, coaches and athletes in youth sports, I believe the best time to move up to a premier team is around age 12 to 13. Obviously, there are exceptions, but as a rule I believe this is the best age from both a physical and emotional level for most kids to move up. At this age, most kids will either express an interest in wanting to play on a better team, or sooner or later want to quit by high school.

If your child does express an interest in moving up to a premier team, I would advise you to speak not only with the coach of that team, but also with parents of kids on the team. Find out about how much time is involved. How much are the fees for the coach, for training, for traveling, for uniforms etc. Can your child play other sports and can they play on their recreational team as well? What are the rules about attending practices? What happens if you want to go on a family vacation during the season? Will your child not be allowed to play in games or tournaments if you go out of town? These are questions to ask. Most importantly, is it something your child wants to do, or is it something you want your child to do? Let me hear your thoughts.

Fear and Expectations

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:51:00 GMT

How often as a parent or coach have you wondered, “Am I putting too much pressure on my child or athlete?” Do you as an adult feel that sometimes you are making too many demands on your athlete to do everything correctly? What happens when this young athlete tells you they don’t want to do it anymore? They show it emotionally and in their actions that they are not interested in their sport anymore. What do you do when they try as hard as they can to please you as a coach or parent, but they can’t? How do you react to that? Are you critical and condescending or supportive and understanding?

Recently, I have had several conversations with a variety of amateur and professional athletes about their relationships with their parents. A few of the professional athletes, who have become very successful, still are struggling with the desire to please their parents, (specifically their fathers). Several of the high school athletes are suffering from different forms of anxiety disorders because in part of an internal fear that they cannot please their dads with their athletic performance. One high school basketball player said that his dad is always at his practices and is quick to tell him each day what he had been doing wrong and what he needed to do to correct it, or he would not get a college scholarship. This young man is only a freshman.

Most kids begin sports around age 6 or 7 by joining a soccer, football, baseball, or softball team, or by beginning tennis, gymnastics or swimming lessons. No matter what the sport, usually it is because their parent wants them to join a team or get involved in an activity. That is great from a health and a social perspective. Kids will probably have fun initially and enjoy being part of an activity. But, eventually, by around age 12 or 13, kids will usually either want to keep playing and get better with a dream of playing in high school or beyond, or they will lose interest and want to quit. Obviously as a parent, this can be a difficult time. Do you support them if they want to stop playing, or do you push them to stay involved and keep playing? I have found that this is an age where either a child has genuinely lost interest and wants to do something else, or they want to quit because of the pressure they feel is coming from their parents. I believe the best way to handle this is to have a discussion with your child after their season has ended and find out the reasons they want to quit. Is it because they are no longer having fun, don’t feel they are as good as their teammates, or do they feel too much pressure from you as a parent? They will probably share the first two points, but will usually be reluctant to mention the pressure they may feel from you, because they will not want to let you down. This is where you need to put on your psychologist hat and ask yourself they question, “How much pressure am I putting on them to participate and continue?” If you feel you are putting too much pressure on them, you need to back off and tell them you want what is best for them, not for you. Even if you have the best intentions, putting too much pressure on them to play will more than likely make them want to quit even more, and probably not give them a chance of ever wanting to play again.

Most of the professional athletes I have consulted with over the years who have had this problem, have told me that they have played for many years out of fear of letting their parents down. Even though all of them have told me that their part of their success came from their parents pushing them, most have shared with me that they wished they could have been able to talk with their parents about their feelings about wanting to take some time off once in a while and be able to have taken a break. None of them have shared with me they thought this would have deterred their progress.

So if you are a coach or a parent who may be pushing your athlete, sometimes a little bit too hard, ask yourself the question, “How does this young athlete feel about playing and about how hard I am motivating them?” Ask yourself if you should back off a little and let them have a little more fun and figure out if they are playing for you or for themselves.

Winning vs. Sportsmanship? Which is the winner?

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:51:00 GMT

In late January, a girl’s basketball team in Dallas, Texas defeated an opponent by the score of 100-0. Many people have shared their opinions about this game. Did the team pile up the score? Why isn’t there a mercy rule for basketball games in Texas? Was the winning team shooting three pointers in the fourth quarter an attempt to pile up the score or are those lower percentage shots? Should the game have even been scheduled in the first place because of the disparity in abilities of the teams? Because of the outcome of this game, the head coach was fired. Why, because, he apparently showed little remorse regarding the outcome of the game.

So what do we learn from this game. What lessons do the players of both teams take away from the game. Quotes from several players on the losing team, have indicated that these girls did not take this the wrong way. Several of them have stated that a game like this will only make them better players and more appreciative of what it takes to win. How do the girls on the winning team learn from this? I think this will depend on what their parents and school administrators discuss with them. This brings up a bigger question in my opinion. That is, what do you tell your team in a game like this? If you are the coach of the winning team, do you tell them not to shoot? Do you tell them no to try when you are up by 50 points? If you push your team to be the best, and aim for excellence, how do you not tell your team to not try? I don’t think you can. If you are a coach of a high school team, you will do everything you can to teach your team to be the best, but at the same time, you have to emphasize the importance of sportsmanship.

In the ideal world, this game should not have been scheduled in the first place. The losing team has not won a game in four seasons and is renowned for it’s work with students with learning disabilities. However, the game was scheduled and as a coach, you never teach your players to quit. I think this game touches on two issues. Just like youth sports have a limit to the number of runs that can be scored in an inning in a baseball game, should there be a mercy rule about how many points a team can score against another team before the game should be stopped? Second, a coach should have a plan regarding what to do, if a game like this is scheduled, to teach their players to work on things like passing or defense and not focus on scoring. Lessons can be learned by the players, coaches and parents of all these athletes, most importantly if they talk about it, about their feelings and how they will grow as an athlete and a person from a game like this.

What do you think?

What are the qualities you should look for in a coach?

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 19:52:00 GMT

In mid January, the Kansas City Chiefs hired Scott Pioli as their new general manager as they attempt to turn the franchise around from a team that went 6-26 over the past two seasons. After a week and a half review, one of his first public moves was to fire head coach, Herman Edwards. Edwards had a very positive reputation with the players and was known for his ability to get along with organization employees. However, in the end a professional franchise that only won six out of 32 games over two seasons, led to his eventual dismissal. In professional sports, it is about winning, making the playoffs and getting a championship. What about high school sports or youth sports? Is it and should it be about the same thing? No one wants to lose or likes to lose. Everyone, athletes, coaches, parents and fans are all happier when a team wins instead of loses. But, different levels of sports require different types of coaching.

As a parent, when you begin to start your child in athletics, one of the first steps you take is to find a sport and a team to sign up your child. There are all kinds of leagues and levels of competition. Obviously, your child has to want to play the sport. But, once you decide what sport, your next challenge is to pick out a team. Youth sports is loaded with all kinds of individuals, qualified and unqualified who are coaching. One of the most important decisions you will make as a parent with your child’s athletic career, will begin with what team and what coach you decide to coach your child. When picking out a coach, I would suggest you talk to parents of other children who have been coached by this individual. Find out why the coach is coaching. How does he/she communicate with the kids and the parents? What are his/her goals for coaching? I believe the most important qualities for a coach at this level should be to be an excellent communicator. That means to not only be able to express himself, but to be a good listener. At the youth level, it should not be about winning, it should be about success and getting better. How does the coach coach kids when they fail. Do they yell and scream and condescend kids, or do they teach and coach them to understand what they have to do to get better. Many people in our society feel we coddle our kids too much. Too often we just give out ribbons and trophies just for competing. Yes, it is important to reward young kids for participating, but we must also be able to teach them how to succeed. Good coaches at the youth level, will be good communicators, good listeners, good delegators and individuals who are not coaching for their ego, but for the goal of seeing kids have fun and improve.

At the high school level, it is a different situation. Most high school coaches coach because they love coaching and teaching. Some do it for their ego, some for the extra money it provides, but most are in the profession because they want to. Usually the pay isn’t very good and the feedback is usually negative, especially when you have someone on your team who is not happy. And most high school teams have someone unhappy on the team. The qualities of a good high school coach are the same as a youth sport coach, but should also include excellent leadership skills. I always say a good coach is a good psychologist and at the high school level, you have to understand a lot of factors that contribute to an athlete’s participation. A good coach will be able to listen, communicate and be assertive when necessary. This individual will not be afraid to establish rules and back them up, and should also know how to listen to and communicate with parents as well as athletes. Winning is an important component at the high school level, but making the experience a positive one that athletes will remember later in their life is more important. High school coaches are often tremendous role models because they are willing to help kids get better and accomplish their goals.

So who will Scott Pioli choose? And why will he choose him? These are interesting questions that will have even more interesting answers.

Why Sportsmanship Should Take The Spotlight Over Performance Enhancing Drugs!

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 20:09:00 GMT

In early December, former Senator George Mitchell released the results of his study about steroid use in Major League Baseball. In his report, he released the names of over 80 current and former Major League players who he believed had either used or were using steroids or human growth hormone as a way to enhance their performance on the field. Many of the players accused in the report are well known and have had a long history of success.

Early in the NFL season, during a game between the New York Jets and the New England Patriots, the Patriots were accused of videotaping the Jets sidelines during the game in attempt to steal the Jets defensive signals. The Patriots are in the midst of an undefeated season, something that has not happened since the 1973 Miami Dolphins.

Unfortunately, almost every summer, we hear about cyclists riding in the Tour de France who test positive for performance enhancing drugs that are banned by the sport. Earlier this fall, Olympic sprinter Marion Jones, gave up her five Olympic medals after admitting she had used performance enhancing drugs during the 2000 Summer Olympics.

Since 1981, I have been working as a sport psychologist with athletes from youth sports to the professional and Olympic levels. Unfortunately, throughout my career the topic of cheating has repeatedly been discussed at all levels of competition. Whether it is a youth sport coach who knowingly uses an athlete who is older than the age requirement or a high school coach who turns his head when the discussion of steroid use comes up among his star athletes, coaches at all levels are looking for whatever venue they can to win. And many will break the rules in the quest to get that championship.

The use of steroids and human growth hormone has become widespread in our society. The benefits to using them has been well documented. Athletes who use either steroids or human growth hormone will increase their strength and/or endurance. For many athletes and coaches, they know that using these substances will give them the edge they are looking for to defeat their opponents. However, even though they are against the rules, many will use them anyway. WHY? In my opinion, it is simple. It is because of fear, insecurity and a lack of confidence with themselves. I recently heard a quote that, “You are not trying if you are not cheating.”

So what do we do to stop this and start competing by the rules again? I think it is fair to say that no matter what the rules are, no matter how strongly they are enforced, there will always be someone who will cheat. It doesn’t matter what sport or what level, someone will always be looking for a way to avoid the rules. Obviously, the professional sport leagues, the Olympics and collegiate sports have implemented a drug testing policy. Some are successful and some are not. All have weaknesses. I believe we must start at the youth level. Not with drug testing, but with an emphasis on the importance of sportsmanship. I recently spoke with an official with the United States Tennis Association, who told me that cheating has exploded in tennis, not only on the court, but in applications to play in leagues. Many people who apply to play, blatantly lie about their tennis experience in order to play at levels where they will be able to win. This official said that the lies are getting to a point where it is almost out of control.

The National Alliance of Youth Sports, one of the top educational organizations for youth sports, has a one strike and you’re out policy. If a parent, who is coaching is caught cheating, he/she is banned for life, along with their child. Sounds harsh, but the organization’s founder, Fred Engh, has stated it is a necessity, because otherwise the problem will just continue. I feel, now more than ever, we must promote sportsmanship at all levels of sport, and we must begin with the young athletes and their parents who are just starting out. Proper sportsmanship policies should take precedent over winning and losing at the youth sports level. There must be appropriate education for parents, athletes and coaches. Young athletes should be taught the importance of being a good sport, and should be taught to not be afraid to tell their coach or parent if someone is cheating. Fear should not be the barrier to handle this problem. Being good communicators should become the emphasis for all involved.

I believe if we educate young athletes, parents and coaches we can help to keep this problem from developing at the levels it has grown to today. Teaching kids fundamentals is essential to learning how to play a sport. However, teaching them the values of honesty, integrity, respect and fair play will help them grow and develop not just as an athlete, but as a productive member of our society.

Do You Have To Be Successful To Be Confident? Or Do You Have To Be Confident To Be Successful?

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 19:54:00 GMT

One of the most common questions I am asked as a sport psychologist, always relates back to the issue of self-confidence, how you get it and how it can be lost. Often, clients come into my office wanting to know how they can be more successful in their chosen sport, but also want to know what they have to do to become more confident. The connection between confidence and success is very close. Many people commonly ask me which comes first, confidence or success? I usually throw this question back to my clients and ask them. Some say confidence, some say success.

I believe confidence is ultimately the foundation of success or failure. Too often, we base how we feel on the results of your game or competition. Consequently, if you fail, you will often feel good about yourself. At the other extreme, if you succeed, you will often feel really good about who you are. However, that to me, can be part of the problem. If you base how you feel about yourself too much on how you perform, you can be on an emotional roller coaster. If you base how you feel about yourself more on who you are than on how you perform, I believe you will be better able at dealing with the failures you may encounter along the way.

Recently, when I brought this topic up on my weekly radio show, one very intuitive caller, stated that he agreed that solid self-confidence is the foundation for success in anything in life, but that proper preparation has to go along with solid self-confidence. It doesn’t matter what sport you play, but once you have learned the appropriate skills that will give you a chance to succeed, then it comes down to how well prepared you are, which will result in a higher level of self confidence. If you equate believing in yourself with the score of the game, then you will feel either really good about yourself if you win, or really bad about yourself if you lose. As I stated, believing in your abilities is the key to becoming successful in the long run. Building your self-confidence by setting realistic short-term goals can help you feel more confident, more comfortable and in the end will help you develop the success we all want to achieve.

Leadership and Sports

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 19:55:00 GMT

As a sport psychologist, I am asked a wide variety of questions. Many athletes, parents and coaches want to know about what is the best way to get motivated, how can you improve your concentration and what are some of the important characteristics of a successful team. Usually, one component of all of these questions relates to the issue of leadership. As we watch the college football season wind down and the basketball season begin, we will constantly hear references to a certain athlete’s leadership abilities and how he may lead his team to success.

One of the most frequent questions asked about leadership is, are people born with leadership skills, or is it something that they can learn to acquire. Basically, are leaders born or made? After 27 years working in this profession, I think it is fair to say that some people do have some of the natural abilities to lead. However, I feel those qualities are usually demonstrated by their parents and people they are surrounded by as they grow up. Consequently, it comes naturally to them, because these are the characteristics that their role models have displayed to them and as a result, they will express as well. They will not be afraid to either speak their mind, or lead with their actions when necessary.

Others can learn to become leaders. I believe that many of us can learn to take charge and set an example, often as a result of frustration. Many of the athletes I have worked with over the years have told me that they have gotten tired of being on teams that either lost too often, or just did not perform to their potential. When this frustration gets to a certain level, they will either lose control and often perform impulsively, which typically ends up in a penalty or a suspension. Or, they will realize their team is missing the key ingredients that only a leader can display, and they will be willing to step out and take a chance to lead, rather than watch the team fail again.

Perhaps the most important ingredient of leadership is communication. Obviously, there are two ways to communicate, verbally and nonverbally. Many athletes I have spent time with have told me they let their actions speak for themselves. They feel that the mannerisms they display and the actions they express on the athletic field, speaks volumes for them. Others have told me that they feel it is important to verbally express themselves to their teammates. These individuals are often not afraid to confront a teammate who is not performing well, and maybe most importantly are not afraid to admit it when they have failed. These athletes and coaches have realized that if they have the confidence to admit their mistakes, they believe it may give others the direction to improve as well. And, as the individuals improve, the team will collectively improve as well.

Cheating and the Olympics

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:56:00 GMT

The 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China showcased athletes from all over the world at their best. As always, spectacular performances occurred in a variety of sports. As I discussed in last month’s article, we had the opportunity to watch Michael Phelps put on one of the greatest performances not only in Olympic history, but in modern sports. Athletes in gymnastics, track and field, volleyball, and numerous other sports demonstrated how hard work, dedication and sacrifice to reach your goals can lead to personal best performances and the possibility of an Olympic medal. However, one issue still prevails in the Olympics. That is the issue of cheating. Several athletes were disqualified for using performance enhancing drugs. No matter what testing procedures may exist, it seems that someone is always attempting to beat the system.

However, the most highly publicized story of cheating at the Summer Olympics centered around the Chinese women’s gymnastics team. Once the Chinese women had won the team gold medal, the question was asked by many about the legitimate ages of these young women. Several of these outstanding young women did not appear to be at least 16 years of age, the minimum age requirement to perform in Olympic gymnastic competition. A couple of these girls looked as if they still had their baby teeth.

Did these girls give a gold medal performance? Yes, they did. If age was not an issue, should they be allowed to keep their gold medals? I believe they should. However, the minimum age requirement was 16, not 14 or 13. Information received from competitions from last year showed that several of these girls were 13 or 14 last year. How could they possibly have aged up two years in one year? Because the Chinese sports leaders were obsessed with nothing less than winning more gold medals than any other country, no matter what it took. After this information was revealed, the Chinese stated that last year’s ages were incorrect and that the girls were of age. Did we really think they would admit their athletes were not old enough and that they would forfeit their medals? Of course not.

The International Olympic Committee announced they would investigate these accusations. It is now October and we have not heard the results yet. Will we ever have a clear and honest answer? I doubt that the Chinese will admit they were cheating. Just like the Eastern German and Russian sports programs in the 1970’s and 1980’s, nothing is more important to them than winning. Consequently, if they have to cheat to get their medal, they will cheat if they don’t have the confidence to do it honestly. In my opinion, this is a sad example of what the Olympics are all about.

Mental Tenacity and Olympic Champions

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 19:57:00 GMT

As the first week of the Beijing Olympics came to a conclusion, it became more obvious to me than ever about the importance of mental preparation. In my opinion, Michael Phelps performance was perhaps the single most amazing athletic feat in modern history. Phelps won an incredible eight gold medals. Five came in individual events and three in relays. He set seven world records and one Olympic record. All of this came as he swam 17 races in eight days. Physically, he was in tremendous condition, as were all of the competitors he faced in the finals of each event . However, I believe his superior training not only involved his physical endurance, but also his ability to be prepared for any situation he faced in the pool. Phelps had to be ready to deal with close races, as he had in the 100 meter butterfly, which he won by one one hundredth of a second. He had to be prepared to swim the final 50 meters of the 200 butterfly with his goggles filled with water. Yet, he still won the race in world record time, even though he was disappointed he didn’t swim it faster.

Natalie Coughlin won six medals, more than any other American woman in any sport at one Olympics. Dara Torres, at age 41, won three silver medals and proved to all of her naysayers that you should not use age as a limit to your dreams. Nastia Liukin won four medals and Shawn Johnson three in women’s gymnastics. Both women were shown numerous times visualizing their events while waiting for their turn to compete in their events. Numerous athletes in both gymnastics and swimming were quoted after events about how their mental preparation helped them handle the pressure of Olympic competition.

So are Olympic champions the only athletes who can benefit from mental preparation? Of course not. I always like to say you can have two athletes of equal skill and physical make-up, but the one with the stronger mind will come out on top. All of the previously mentioned athletes have spent countless hours preparing for competition at the Olympic level. Although they spend countless hours in the pool or in the gym training and training for hours on end, they also spend a significant amount of time mentally going over their events. Part of this training involves preparing for all the situations they can imagine prior to and during their events. I always encourage athletes to make a “What If” list. In this list, they write out every kind of scenario they can imagine that could occur prior to, or during their competitions. Michael Phelps WAS prepared for his goggles filling up with water and he WAS prepared for the 100 butterfly where he was dead even coming to the wall. Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson had practiced thousands of times in their minds what would happen if…….

Research has found that athletes who visualize have a significantly greater chance of success compared to athletes who don’t. So it does not matter if you are a weekend warrior, a little league baseball player or an athlete with Olympic aspirations, take the time to mentally prepare for your event. It may be the difference between your success or failure at reaching your goals.

Building Self Confidence

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 19:57:00 GMT

I recently spent two days working with 80 high school basketball players who were participating in the MidAmerica Baskeball Academy camp at Benedictine College. This camp gives these young men the opportunity to showcase their basketball skills in front of numerous college coaches as they continue their quest to attempt to obtain a college scholarship. The athletes are separated into eight teams, with four teams playing and four teams spending time in the classroom. While in the classroom, they have the opportunity to hear a number of speakers discuss topics like nutrition, NCAA rules, motivation and life skills. I spend close to ten hours with each group over the two day period talking about a variety of topics from team building to concentration training and relaxation/visualization development.

One of the exercises I have the teams participate in has them make a list of the issues they face as high school athletes who want to make it to the next level. Each of the eight teams makes a list of the issues they have to deal with on a daily basis. After they share the list with the group, we discuss the topics and attempt to find ways to assist them at dealing with these issues. Although they listed a wide variety of topics, the one common issue that each group listed was building self confidence. Throughout our discussions, the athletes all mentioned how their confidence was perhaps the most important attribute they needed to maintain in order to achieve their goals of advancing to play in college. Almost all of them mentioned that there were times when their confidence was negatively effected by coaches, parents, teammates as well as opponents and referees. Many of these young men stated that often they were more concerned with what others said or thought about them, than what they needed to do to be more focused about themselves.

Self confidence, which I feel essentially means how you believe in yourself, is one of the easiest things an athlete can lose, and can be one of the hardest things an athlete can build. I equate to climbing a mountain of mud, one slip and down to the bottom you go and you have to start all over again. For years, this has been one of the most important topics I have worked on with athletes at all levels of competition. I have found that the best way to build it, is to develop and establish a strong foundation. This can be done by setting realistic, short term, easily attainable goals. By accomplishing these goals, one step at a time, I think it gives the athlete the opportunity to taste success, yet not jump to far ahead of himself. For example, if you are teaching a tennis player how to hit a serve, break the serve down into three parts; footwork, the toss and the serve itself. Too often, athletes get confused by being told too many things at once by a coach, and consequently get overloaded too quickly. If you work on the short term goals, one step at a time, you will give the athlete the opportunity to feel good about himself, too see his success and to give themself the opportunity to try a little harder, or more difficult task the next time.

I have found the other main component related to building self confidence has to do with who influences you. Many of these basketball players shared how easily distracted they became before, during and after games by others. Consequently, they were at times, so easily effected by others opinions, that they would lose their focus and eventually, their self confidence. I asked these athletes to draw four concentric circles. In the center circle, I asked them to list the most important people in their life. In the second circle, people who they cared about outside of their inner circle. In the third circle, people they had to deal with, who were not that important to them and in the fourth circle, list the people they had to deal with that they did not like. I have found this exercise can make you aware of who has an influence on you positively and negatively. By realizing this, you can then make a decision about who you want to effect your self confidence.

Can You Guarantee a Victory?

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:58:00 GMT

On Saturday, June 7, 2008, the sport of horse racing was set to watch the running of the Belmont Stakes with the hope that favorite, Big Brown, would become horse racing’s 12th Triple Crown winner. Big Brown was the overwhelming favorite to win the race and become the first horse since Affirmed in 1978 to win the Triple Crown. The excitement had been building quickly after Big Brown ran away from his competition in the Preakness three weeks earlier. Even though he had been treated for a crack in his hoof, Big Brown’s trainer, Rick Dutrow, was more than confident that he would easily defeat his competition. In fact, he was so convinced that Big Brown would easily win the race that during an interview, he “guaranteed victory”.

Dutrow was not the first athlete, coach or trainer to claim victory before the competition began. Perhaps the most famous of all guarantees came in Super Bowl III from New York Jets quarterback, Joe Namath. He promised the Jets would defeat the Baltimore Colts and become world champions, and as we know, they did.
But, have you ever wondered what would have happened to Namath’s career had the Jets lost? Over the years, many other athletes have promised a victory for their team, usually because on paper, they were superior to the competition. However, this overconfidence or cockiness, often became the downfall for many of these athletes and teams and led to their demise. Upsets happen all the time in sports, mostly because the superior team or athlete just takes it for granted that because they have a better record or are more physically dominant, they will win on their reputation alone. And as we know from many examples, most recently the Belmont, it just doesn’t always happen that way.

Even though Big Brown was in a good position as the horses ran down the backstretch, his jockey, Kent Desormeaux, did not feel he had what it would take to win the race and pulled him up as the horses entered the home stretch. Dutrow was extremely upset and soon after the race even blamed the jockey for his horse’s failure to win. Although they could not find anything physically wrong with Big Brown, he obviously did not have what he needed to win the race.

I was extremely interested in the outcome of the race, as Affirmed was owned by my cousin, Patrice Wolfson. I had the privilege to have watched him race five times and over the years have come to appreciate just how difficult it is to win the Triple Crown. Patrice’s father, Hirsch Jacobs was the winningest trainer in the history of horse racing when he died in 1970. His horses had won 3,596 races upon his death, but had lost several thousand more. As an adolescent, I spent several days one summer going to the track with my uncle and learning a little about the sport. One of the many things he taught me, was to never take anything for granted, especially when it comes to sports. I learned a quote from him and his son that I have used as my philosophy,
“Sports is the greatest theatre in the world, everyone knows their part, but no one knows what will happen”.

No matter what sport you compete in, no matter what position you play, no matter how many hours you train, there still is no guarantee that you will win. If you go into a competition being mentally and physically prepared, having a positive, yet realistic attitude it will give you the best chance for success. When the day comes that you start to get a little overconfident, remember Rick Dutrow and his guarantee that Big Brown would win the Triple Crown. Instead of winning the Belmont, he became the first horse in history to enter the Belmont with an opportunity to win the Triple Crown, and end up last.

Negative Self Talk: Why It Happens and How To Defeat It

Wed, 21 May 2008 19:59:00 GMT

It happens to all of us. It doesn’t matter if you play tennis, golf or football. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman. It doesn’t matter if you play youth sports or are playing senior golf. We are all guilty of thinking negative thoughts while we are participating in sports. Whether it is the thought that you can’t make that four foot putt, hit the winning serve or catch the touchdown pass, everyone thinks negative thoughts at some time during their athletic event. One of the important keys to overcoming them is to not let them control you and take over your thought process.

Over the 27 years I have worked as a sport psychologist, I have dealt with Olympic athletes, professional athletes and national champion collegiate athletes, all of whom have had negative thoughts and negative self talk overtake them during their athletic careers. You would think that athletes at those levels would be immune to such thinking, but they are no different than the weekend warrier. During our lives we all have to learn how to handle negativity, whether it is in school, work, sports or relationships.

I vividly recall one of the 1984 Olympic cyclists who won a medal, who constantly fought his negative thoughts while he road, even when he was in the lead. He would often think of reasons why he wasn’t strong enough or fast enough to win the race. Even though he had been through a superior training program, was in the best shape of his life and had one of the fastest times in the world in his event, he still came up with reasons why he would not win. He thought this way because he had grown up in a world of constant criticism from both parents about why he wasn’t good enough and why he would not succeed. We worked together on getting him to identify these thoughts and come up with a game plan to overcome them while he competed.

Another national champion swimmer used to tell me why she wasn’t going to win. Even though she had the fastest times in her events in the country, she was very good at telling me why her opponents would beat her in the big races. For her, it all centered around self-doubt. She had a youth level coach who rarely complimented her and usually told her she needed to and could do better, even when she would set personal best records.

For both of these athletes, as for yourself, there usually is a reason related to past performances why you will think negative thoughts. It may have come from statements others may have made about you, from personal expectations you have set for yourself, or from the dreams you may have to be a champion. The key to overcoming these thoughts is to identify when you think them and why you think them. Start keeping a journal of the negative and positive thoughts you think about during competition. You will find a pattern that exists for each. For each negative thought, write down the opposite positive thought. Start identifying the situations you think these thoughts and become aware of when you think them. Train yourself to change these thoughts from negative to positive. Remind yourself about how hard you have trained, and about your personal goals. The more aware you become of the negatives you are thinking, the more aware you will become of changing them.

Why Did KU Win the National Championship?

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

On Monday, April 7, 2008, the University of Kansas Men’s basketball team won the third national championship in school history. A team with several experienced players, a very successful head coach and coaching staff saw the victory that had eluded them in the past few years. The team has several potential NBA players on the roster and had high expectations coming into the 2007-2008 season. The last KU team to win the national championship was in 1988 and was headlined by current KU assistant coach, Danny Manning. Year in and year out, expectations are high for the KU basketball team, with dreams of a national championship always involved in preseason discussions.

So, how did this team emerge with a victory in a Final Four that for the first time had all four number one seeds advancing to college basketball’s final weekend? Obviously, all four teams that reached the Final Four have tremendous talent, with several stars destined for the pros. All four coaches have been extremely successful with great resumes and backgrounds. Their coaching styles, recruiting abilities and motivational tactics together with the physical and psychological talents of their players all had roles in reaching the pinnacle of college basketball’s greatest tournament.

KU’s victories over North Carolina and Memphis were emotionally charged and exciting, but why were they able to win and not their opponents? I believe that one of the major differences was their attitude. No matter what the score, whether they were way ahead of North Carolina, or nine points down with two minutes to go against Memphis, the KU players never quit. Yes, KU sprinted out ahead of North Carolina by 28 points in the first half. By the middle of the second half, North Carolina cut the lead to four points, before KU moved way ahead and won by 18. Despite North Carolina’s great comeback, KU never stopped believing in themselves or their team’s ability. I think this starts with the head coach and moves all the way down the roster. The championship game against Memphis was close all the way until the Tigers went ahead by nine. Many teams would have given into the pressure and collapsed, but the KU players kept diving for loose balls attacking the basket and going after rebounds. Mario Chalmers three point basket with just over two seconds to play put the game into overtime, and KU vaulted ahead to victory.

I believe that the lesson we can learn for ourselves, as well as our young athletes is that no matter what, never quit, never give up. If you do, you may not always come away with a win, but you will always be able to walk away holding your head up high. Years ago, Great Britain Prime Minister Winston Churchill gave his famous speech in Fulton, Missouri about never giving up. As an athlete or coach, instilling that attitude in your mentality will help you become a success on and off the athletic field. Even though, KU won the national championship, all four teams that participated in college basketball’s final weekend were winners as well.

Do We Let Kids Play Enough On Their Own?

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 20:01:00 GMT

I recently drove by the elementary school both of my sons attended several years ago. It was a nice spring afternoon, a great day for a game of 500 at the baseball field or maybe just a neighborhood football game. Yes, there were kids on the baseball fields. Both fields had organized practices going on with a couple of dads coaching. There were several other parents sitting around watching. No one was on the soccer fields and I did not see any kids on the playground. Why not?
I think there are a couple of reasons.

I am 53 years old and grew up in the 1960’s. After school, we used to go up to our grade school and play baseball or football until dark. My house had a wrap around driveway, so my friends and I always played basketball at my house. Usually, it did not matter what the temperature, we played until dark, and we did it all the time. Today, things are different. As I said, I believe there are two specific reasons.

First, and probably more a symptom of our society than anything else, there are legitimate safety reasons. Most parents today are reluctant to let their kids take off on their bike on their own. They want to know where their kids are and who they are with. As a parent, I agree with this. Because of the numerous media outlets we have, whethere it is tv, the radio, the internet, cellphones or papers and magazines, we are much more aware of and concerned about sex predators, child predators and unhealthy people in our society. Most parents will feel much safer knowing that their kids are at someone else’s house, rather than playing on their own at the school or park. It is not uncommon for a group of kids to be playing, but under the supervision of an adult nearby.

Second, I think that today’s generation of parents have gotten way too caught up with signing their kids up on an organized sports team at a very young age. I have recently heard about four year old T-ball leagues that are being set up. In my opinion, there is no reason for this. Once kids start kindergarten, it is now commonplace to enroll your child on the soccer or basketball team, but I don’t think kids younger than kindergarten need to be put on an organized team. I doubt that most kids that age go to their parents and ask to sign up for a team. It comes from the parents because of pressure to keep up with everyone else, and for some because of the hope of their child playing in high school or college. Actually, the majority of kids who start playing a sport before kindergarten, usually quit before high school.

My main concern about this issue is are we as parents, because of our interest in getting our kids in organized sports at a young age, curtailing their ability to create and play on their own? Have we organized everything so much for them, that we don’t give them the opportunity to choose sides and just play? Do they always need a parent around instructing them how to swing the bat or shoot the ball? Once in a while wouldn’t it be a good idea to let them play on their own without an adult in charge? I’d like to know your thoughts.

Should Women Coach or Referee Boy’s Athletic Contests and Should Men Coach or Referee Girl’s Athletic Contests?

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:02:00 GMT

In early February, a situation occurred at a small Catholic school in central Kansas regarding one of their basketball games. A high school boys basketball game was about to occur at St. Mary’s Academy. One of the two referees chosen to officiate the game was a woman, Michelle Campbell. Just before the game was to begin, St. Mary’s officials told Ms. Campbell that she would not be allowed to officate the game. The explanation that she was given was that it was inappropriate for a woman to officiate a boys game because a woman should not be put in a position of authority over boys. Because of this decision, the other referee and back-up referee, both men decided not to referee the game in protest of the school’s decision.

This was not the first time St. Mary’s Academy has been involved in a dispute between boys and females on the athletic field. In September 2004, St. Mary’s was supposed to play White City High School in a football game. However, when the St. Mary’s administrators found out that one of White City’s football players was a girl, they decided that they would rather forfeit the game, rather than play against a girl.

Obviously, St. Mary’s Academy has a very strict policy about their athletic teams. They believe it is inappropriate for boys to either be officiated by women, or for boys to play any sports with or against girls. When I discussed this topic on my weekly radio show on Sportsradio 810WHB, all of the callers to my show were unanimous in their discussion that the St. Mary’s officials are living by antiquated rules and decisions. One of my callers asked if any nuns were teaching any boys at the school, as that would put a woman in a position of authority over boys.

I personally believe that the decision to not allow Ms. Campbell to officiate could have been handled much more appropriately. If this is the school policy, they should have notified the high school activities association in advance and two male referees could have been assigned for the game. It is also very clear that if this is the policy that this school follows, the Kansas High School Activities Association should decide whether they want schools in their organization with these beliefs. I believe these beliefs are wrong and do not teach their students about equality and fairness in sports. This topic brings up a bigger issue.

Is it appropriate for women to coach and/or referee boys games? Is it appropriate for men to coach and/or referee girls games? If someone goes through appropriate training to be a coach or official, it should not matter what sex they are or whether they are coaching members of the opposite sex. I have seen men and women officials at golf matches, tennis tournaments, swim meets, and gymnastics meets. I have never heard of any problems or complaints about male or female officials at these events. I am aware of many teams that have women coaching boys and men coaching girls. As long as someone is trained properly, it should not matter who they are coaching, as long as they are qualified. In today’s society of gender equity, I find it difficult to believe that a school still has this biased philosophy.

How Should You React When Your Child Tells You They Want To Quit Playing Sports?

Wed, 23 Jan 2008 20:08:00 GMT

Several times over the past few weeks, I have had conversations with parents, asking me how they should react and what they should say to their kids about wanting to quit their sport. If you have a son or daughter playing sports, sooner or later this issue will confront you. So exactly what should you do? What should you say? I think it depends on how old your child is and just what their reasons are for quitting. Essentially, there are three levels to discuss.

The first level relates to kids who are playing sports at the elementary school level. I have mentioned numerous times in this column that I feel as a society, we are starting our kids way too early in organized sports. The pressure to keep up with everyone else has led to many kids starting on an organized team before they are even enrolled in kindergarten. Too often, these kids are signed up by parents because they are afraid their kids will fall behind their peers. Many parents will get their child involved in a sport because they played it as a child and feel they will be able to help their child succeed. There is nothing wrong with this. However, many elementary school age kids will play to please their parents. They often don’t know any better and may eventually lose interest by fifth or sixth grade. I believe that if your child is in this age group and wants to quit, there are two things to do. First, I believe it is important that once your child has signed up for a team, they should finish out the season. The only reason I would be in favor of allowing your child to quit during the season, would be if they are in an abusive situation where their confidence and self esteem are being harmed by participating. Second, if they want to quit when the season is over, talk with them about it. Give them some time off from the sport before you make a final decision. Sometimes just taking some time away will regenerate their enthusiasm.

The second level involves kids at the middle school level. Usually these kids have had much more experience playing and often will begin to lose interest when either they don’t get to play as much as their peers, or because their teams are not winning. This is where you the parent, must become the psychologist. Ask your child why they want to stop participating. If they give you a good reason, don’t get upset at them. Remember this must be their decision, not yours. Yes, you will be upset, especially if you have been coaching them. But, this needs to be about them, not you. Don’t let your personal feelings and upset become a barrier between you and your child because you don’t want them to stop. However, make sure they have another activity to get involved in. This is the age when too many kids can end up getting lost in the shuffle.

The third level relates to your son or daughter at the high school or college level. They have played sports most of their life and you have coached them, driven car pools, traveled to tournaments and sat on uncomfortable bleachers cheering them on. But, they are now at the age where it has to be their decision. No matter how difficult it may be for you, let them decide on their own. If they ask for your feedback, be honest, but let them know that it needs to be up to them. Remember the fun you have had watching them and assisting them. Be proud of them for making a decision on their own and know that you have succeeded as a parent when they can make this decision.

Focusing and Sports for Today’s Young Athlete

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:10:00 GMT

This past month, I had a new client come into my office with his parents. He is a teenage tennis player, who according to his parents, was having problems focusing on and off the court. During a match, he will sometimes start daydreaming and often get distracted by players yelling on other courts. In school, he stated that it is difficult for him to stay focused in some of his classes. Frequently, his mind will wander to his tennis matches, or just to thoughts that have nothing to do with his class. He said that several times teachers have called on him to answer questions that he wasn’t listening to, and he would be quite embarrassed because he had no idea what the question was. Both this young man and his parents were interested in finding ways to help him focus better and learn how to deal with his distractions. He had been tested for both Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The test results showed that he did not have either disorder.

In today’s society, it is very common to find young people on all kinds of medications, especially for ADD or ADHD or for depression and anxiety. All too often in my opinion, psychiatrists are quick to give a diagnosis and to put a young person on some medication that may not always be necessary. We have become a quick fix society, and it is much easier to give someone a pill, than to do talk therapy and find behavioral or other psychotherapeutic solutions to problems like concentration, anxiety or depression. More and more I am talking with adolescent and teenage clients who appear to be suffering from information overload more than from a psychiatric diagnosis. Young people today are bombarded with stimuli from every direction. Cable tv, Ipods, computers, cell phones, MP 3 players, video games… all provide venues to a young person’s concentration.
Email, voice mail, text messaging are different methods of communicating. In 40 years, we have come a long way from three television stations, transistor radios, and rotary dial telephones!

After three sessions with the young tennis player, we realized that his concentration problems were coming from stimulus overload. When he wasn’t in school or playing tennis (which he did approximately three hours a day) he was playing computer games or constantly text messaging his friends on his cell phone. From the minute he woke up each day until bedtime, his mind was constantly busy, with little time to relax and just hang out. We discussed a plan for him to take some time each day away from all the technology to just relax and visualize positive things happening in his life. After one week, he told me how much better he felt and how much easier it was for him to concentrate both in class and on the tennis court.

Many of the parents I have spoken with are frustrated that their young athletes have difficulty concentrating and performing to their potential. What I am finding out is that many of these young people are often involved in two to three activities at the same time. Typically, they will rush from one practice to another, doing their homework in the car and grabbing some fast food in between practices. Why? I believe it is because too many parents are in a hurry to keep up with everyone else. If their son’s friend is playing soccer, baseball and taking guitar lessons, than their son probably should also.

Perhaps the most important word I have been using lately in my sessions, especially with parents, is BALANCE. This doesn’t mean that everything is equal. It means that there is a place and time for everything. If you feel your kids are always rushing from one activity to another, that they are always busy, step back and take a reality check. Ask yourself if the stress of going from one activity to another is worth it for yourself as well as your child. How often do you have a family dinner at home where no one answers or uses their cell phones or Ipods and the tv and radio were off? Do your kids have time every day to relax and not have a planned activity? Can they go to bed and sleep through the night without being woken up by a voice mail or text message? Think about it and let me know your thoughts…

Attitude and Frustration on the Athletic Field

Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:11:00 GMT

All too often in sports, we see athletes having temper tantrums. Sometimes it is after a play, sometimes it is on the sidelines, and sometimes it is in the locker room. After all, athletes are human, have feelings and can get upset just like anyone else. Unfortunately for them, in today’s society, professional athletes are under the microscope, especially during an athletic event. What they say, how they act and how they perform is constantly being evaluated on sports talk shows, on television, in the paper and all over the internet. And if that athlete is a star, their personal lives are scrutinized without much privacy.

Kids today are no different in many ways than they were 30 years ago. They still have sports stars as their idols and role models. Athletes are looked up to and admired because of their ability to perform and succeed under pressure and when the game is on the line. Tom Brady, Alex Rodriguez, Tim Duncan… it doesn’t matter what sport, if they are a star their beliefs and actions are always being discussed and evaluated. Growing up in the late 1960’s my friends and I used to try to imitate our favorite football player, Chiefs wide receiver, Otis Taylor when we played football. Perhaps my most memorable radio show over the past 15 years that I have hosted was when I interviewed Otis and discussed his career.

So what happens when a professional athlete gets frustrated during a game? How can kids learn from this and what can you take as a youth coach to assist you in your coaching? Recently, Kansas City Chiefs All-Pro running back had an extremely frustrating game. Johnson, who was one of the top running backs in the NFL last season, was constantly getting stopped at the line of scrimmage or being thrown for a loss during the Chiefs loss to Jacksonville on October 7. Three times during the game, Johnson tossed his helmet in anger when he got to the sideline. He pouted on the sideline and wouldn’t look at his running backs coach during a conversation on the bench. His behavior was discussed at length on talk shows and on the internet. So what can we learn from this as young athletes and as young coaches?

Obviously, Johnson was extremely frustrated. He is used to gaining over 100 yards a game and is having a difficult time adjusting to getting stuffed at the line of scrimmage. His behavior on the sidelines represents a build up of that frustration because he wants to succeed, not fail. However, this behavior is not acceptable, not just to his teammates, but to young athletes as well. Sports greatest lessons are learned when we fail and how we adjust to it. Winning is easy to handle. When things don’t go our way, it is easy to fall into a rut, feel sorry for ourselves and point fingers at others.

When coaching young athletes, discussing what happens when things go wrong is just as important as talking about technique. I have never met an athlete who wants to compete and fail. However, half of the teams that play will lose, so how we deal with it is just as important as learning how to run a clean pass route. When you have an athlete who displays a poor attitude during a game, it is your responsibility as a coach to use this as a “teachable moment”. Talk to the athlete and discuss the situation with them. Ask them why they are upset. Ask them if they know what to do get control of their feelings at that moment. If you have emphasized the importance of proper sportsmanship during practices and team meetings, then remind them. Numerous times I have heard about athletes who are the stars of their youth or high school team and “get away” with poor behavior because they are the best player on the team. I believe the rules apply to all athletes. As a coach, you are doing that athlete a bigger favor by discussing why this behavior is inappropriate, instead of letting them keep playing because they are the star. If you do, you may help them become more successful as their athletic career continues.

Cheating: Why People Do It And What Is Gained By It?

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:12:00 GMT

After the first week of the NFL season, the New England Patriots were accused of cheating. During their game against the New York Jets, a member of the Patriots staff was accused of videotaping the Jets sideline. This was done as an attempt by the Patriots to pick up the Jets defensive signs the coaches were relaying to the players on the field. The Patriots employee was caught and consequently, the Patriots organization and head coach, Bill Belichick were fined $750,000.00 and lost a first round draft pick in the 2008 draft. So why would a 3 time Super Bowl champion coach have to resort to cheating in an effort to win the game? The Patriots are one of the favorites to go to the Super Bowl once again. They are loaded with talented players and coaches. What reason could there be for such a successful team to cheat and end up being severely punished by the commissioner? What kind of example is this for young athletes and coaches? If a Super Bowl caliber team is going to cheat, why wouldn’t a team without the talent?

I believe that an athlete or coach that has to resort to cheating is doing it because they are insecure and lack the confidence in their talents and abilities to be the best. In the 26 years I have been working as a sport psychologist, I have dealt with this issue at all levels of competition. There have been Little League coaches who used players older than the age limit, golfers who would suddenly find a ball that no one else could find sitting up in the rough, tennis players who would repeatedly call shots out that landed in the court and basketball coaches who would pay off officials so that they could win the game.

The Olympic games are structured around the emphasis on fair play and competition. Yet, blood doping, steroids and deliberate mind games are common in today’s competitions. Cheating is done at all levels. It doesn’t know any boundaries or parameters and is done with one reason. That reason is to win. Any team or individual who has to resort to cheating, whatever the form, does it because they don’t feel confident enough about themselves to come out on top. They are scared that the competition may have an edge and they have to resort to cheating to keep up with them.

People cheat at sports, on tests in school, on their taxes and in relationships. When professional athletes cheat, it is done because they don’t feel they can win their game on their own laurels. They are scared and afraid that their competition may have an advantage which consequently results in their coming up with something outside of the rules to win. They are afraid their career could be over sooner than they would like and therefore feel they have to do whatever they can to win. Professional athletes are replaced every day.
So what do we do about it?

I believe part of the solution lies with the parents and coaches at the youth sport level. Almost every sport and every league has rules that we are asked to follow. However, almost daily we hear stories about coaches and parents who are breaking these rules. I don’t believe most young athletes come up with ways to cheat, they learn it form the adults. If you catch someone cheating, confront them about it. Go to the officials at the game, the administrators of the league and make them aware of it. The key to solving cheating is to be strong enough to confront the coach or team who is guilty of it. If you want your child or your team to have the best chance to succeed and most importantly to have fun, be assertive enough to speak your mind when you catch someone cheating. New York Jets head coach, Eric Mangini did it, and consequently opened the door for you to be able to speak your mind as well.

What Do You Do When Your Child Get’s Cut From Their Sports Team?

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 20:14:00 GMT

If you are a parent of a young athlete, perhaps one of the most gut wrenching times in sports, is what you should do when your child comes home and informs you that they have just been cut from their team. Your son or daughter could be on a youth baseball team, softball team, soccer team, or they could be trying out for a spot on their high school team. It really doesn’t matter as it can often feel like you as a parent, have had the wind knocked out of you. So what should you say and what should you do? I know many parents get extremely angry and immediately want to go speak to the coach. Some parents try to stay out of it and let their child handle the situation and yet others will attempt to take the situation as a positive and encourage their child to try another sport or activity.

First of all, let’s discuss why kids are cut from teams. Obviously, some sports teams like baseball, softball or basketball only have a certain number of spots on the team. Usually, most coaches on these types of teams will hold tryouts and should inform the parents and athletes that they are only taking a specific number of kids on the team. However, some other sports like swimming, cross country or even tennis and golf, can have A,B, or even C teams if the coach is willing to take the time to work with the athletes. Some schools don’t have the funding, but I believe if there is a will there is a way to find a spot for all the kids that want to participate. I believe it is important for you as a parent to ask questions to the coach before the tryouts begin to make sure you know the length of the tryout, the number of kids who will make the team and the criteria the coach has for choosing who makes the team. If the coach is evasive about answering these questions, I would be hesitant about having my child sign up to tryout for this team.

How are some kids cut? Some coaches put a list on their door. Sometimes the list has the names of the kids who made the team and sometimes it contains the names of the kids who were cut. Some coaches leave email messages or voice mail messages or may just give the athlete a note stating whether they make the team or are cut from the team. I feel the best way to inform a young person is to tell him/her in person and to tell them why they are being cut. Often, this conversation can make a very positive or negative impact on this young athlete. If you just stick a list on your door, or send an email telling these athletes that they didn’t make it, you could possibly contribute to the end of that young person’s involvement in sports. Their confidence could be effected, they may think they aren’t any good and they may believe they will never have what it takes to succeed. However, if you speak with the athlete in person and give them a straightforward reason about why they are being cut and give them some positive feedback about the areas they need to improve in, I believe you could have a very positive impact on their continuing in the sport.

I recently discussed this topic on my weekly radio show and had some great comments from some callers. One caller mentioned that when he was cut from his high school basketball team, the coach told him he thought he would have a lot of success in wrestling and even brought the young man to the wrestling room. This young man made the wrestling team and participated on it throughout his high school career. Another caller mentioned that after his 12 year old son was cut from the baseball team, he tried out for track and ended up getting a partial scholarship to participate in track in college. As we all know, in life we all fail, sometimes multiple times on the same project. However, I believe if we can take this rejection and make it a catalyst to help us grow and develop, this negative situation can become a positive one as well. As a parent, or coach, give that young person a little while to be upset, but then help guide them to make something positive out of the negative. If you do, you will have helped this young person more than you may ever imagine.

Thu, 19 Jul 2007 20:15:00 GMT

All year round youngsters of all ages can’t wait to get on the basketball court, baseball diamond or soccer field. For months we have discussed in this column some of the positives and negatives concerning youth sports. Sports is a way of life in our country and is a great way for kids to make new friends, express themselves and learn about how far they can challenge themselves mentally, emotionally and physically. Some of the most common questions I am asked as a sport psychologist are, “Should I coach my child’s team?” “Would it be better if someone else coached my child?” “Do I tend to play favorites for or against my child when I coach their team?”

Youth sports has become extremely organized and structured. Leagues are forming, for better or for worse, at younger and younger ages, and are led by parents who volunteer a lot of time and energy. I have stated numerous times that I believe that kids should play sports to have fun and to learn skills and techniques that can help them grow and become better at life, not just sports. Yes, winning and losing are important components of sports, but youth sports should be about the experience, more than the score at the end of the competition. Most kids would not be able to play if not for their parents. Moms and dads drive carpools, wash uniforms, buy snacks and cheer on the sidelines. And for many, their parents take the time and energy to volunteer as a coach.

Over the years, I have worked with many athletes who have shared stories positively and negatively about their parents taking the time to coach their team. For many, these experiences have left a significant impact on their lives. I believe that most youth coaches who are coaching their child make a concerted effort to not play favorites with their child. However, sometimes this can backfire and cause problems between the athlete and their parent. Some coaches take the extra effort to make sure they don’t play favorites with their child, but end up going too far in that direction. At the same time, some coaches coach, just to make sure that their child gets to play as much as possible because they may believe that their child is the most talented and has the best skills of all the players on the team. Often, they are correct that their child is the best because they may spend lots of extra time away from normal practice hours working with their child on their skills, and consequently, their child is better. However, this is no guarantee that their child will be better in four or five years. In fact, many of these kids end up burning out because they end up spending too much time on the sport and not enough time doing other activities.

I think there are two key components to balancing out your time as a youth coach. First, take the time to communicate with your child and your spouse about your goals for the season as a coach and make sure you ask your child what their goals are for the season. Don’t assume they are the same as yours. Second, make sure you have an assistant coach you can trust and be able to communicate with about being fair with all of your athletes. If you are spending time working on specific skills, let the assistant work with your child and you can work with his/hers. This will eliminate either of you being accused of playing favorites. Also, remember, youth sports is about having fun, it is not about your desire to win or lose, but about giving the kids an opportunity to have an experience they may remember for a lifetime.

How to Destroy a Young Athlete’s Confidence

Tue, 22 May 2007 20:15:00 GMT

On my weekly radio show on Sunday, May 20, I had an interesting caller. My show that morning was about attitude and how it effects your level of play. The discussion revolved around how athletes, parents and coaches can respond to positive and negative comments. The caller stated that his 10 year old daughter played on a competitive soccer team. Recently, after the team had played a bad game the female coach got upset and told the players that they “sucked”. He called to ask my opinion of what had happened and my opinions about what to do. I had numerous comments for this caller.

I think it is inexcusable for a coach of any youth sports team to tell the athletes either as individuals or as a team that they “sucked”. What could this coach have been thinking? What would be the reason that a coach at any level of youth sports would make this kind of statement to their athletes? How would a group of 10 year old girls respond to this kind of comment? As a parent, what should you do when you hear your child’s coach make this kind of statement?

First, I want to emphasize the philosophy of the National Alliance of Youth Sports (NAYS). Fred Engh, the founder of NAYS, has spoken with me numerous times on my show and always reinforces that in youth sports you should let the athletes play, let the coaches coach and let the parents parent. This may seem rather simplistic, but if most people followed this philosophy, we would have fewer problems in the world of youth sports. However, sometimes I believe it is important for parents to speak up to coaches and for coaches to speak up to parents.

In this situation, I feel this coach was totally out of line. There is no excuse for any coach at any level of youth sports to speak to their athletes or team in this manner. Self-confidence is one of the most sensitive and easily destroyed aspects of any person’s personality, especially that of a 10 year old. It is obvious that the coach’s main concern focused on winning, because it she was more interested in the personal growth and development of the athletes, she would have never made this statement, or used the term “sucked”. 10 year old soccer players, whether male or female are going to make mistakes, play good games and bad games and more than likely be more interested in where they are going to eat after the game than how they played.

My suggestion to this father was that if this was typical of this coach to talk in this manner, than it would be imperative to speak with the coach privately about his concerns. I suggested that he emphasize why he was upset with her language, but more importantly that he express his concern about the message she was giving these young girls. I like to talk with my clients about how self-confidence is one of the easiest personality traits to lose and one of the hardest to gain. Letting the coach know his feelings in a constructive fashion could not only prevent this from happening again, but also may help this coach realize the role she may be playing in the development of these young girl’s lives.

As always, I believe it is important to have a preseason meeting with the coach of your child’s team. The purpose of this meeting is to not only discuss the goals of the season, but to also speak with the coach about his/her philosophy about winning and losing and about how the coach will be coaching. Usually, you will be able to determine in this meeting if the coach is more concerned with wins and losses than with teaching and development. This meeting will help you make the decision if this coach and team are the one for your child.

Why Should You Have a Preseason Meeting with Parents

Sat, 21 Apr 2007 20:16:00 GMT

Have you ever been to your child’s youth sporting event and seen a parent act inappropriately? Ever watched a parent yell at the umpire or referee (who happens to be a teenager), throw up their hands in disgust when their child strikes out or misses a key shot in the game, or storms off in anger because another child on the team (other than their own) screws up at an important time in the game? How often have you been frustrated by these actions and wished you could do something constructively without making a fool of yourself as well?Well, part of the answer lies with the purpose of this month’s article.

I recently had lunch with an NFL coach, who has been a head coach and part of a Super Bowl champion staff. We discussed the importance of communication between himself, the other players and the other coaches on his staff. He told me that the most important aspect of being a coach has to center around being an excellent communicator. However, he told me that most NFL coaches are poor communicators because they assume that their coaching staff is on the same page with them. He emphasized that this couldn’t be further from the truth. It was surprising for me to hear that he stated that most teams don’t take the time to make sure everyone is on the same page, because they assume so, rather than work on it.

As parents, teachers, coaches and businessmen, we all know that open and honest communication is one of the key components of a successful business, family or team. Organizations that take the time to effectively integrate new employees into a company almost always take the time to explain the company mission statement and company policy during the interview process. This can help future employees decide if this particular company is a place they would like to work.

In youth sports, I have always encouraged and emphasized that coaches take the time to set up a mandatory preseason meeting with parents. There are several reasons to set up and have this meeting. First, it gives the coach an opportunity to explain his/her philosophy about why they are coaching, as well as to discuss the practice and game schedule. Second, it gives the parents an opportunity to talk with the coach about their goals for the season, if the coach is more interested in winning and losing, or in teaching and learning technique. But, most importantly, it will give both parents and coaches alike, the opportunity to discuss whether or not this is an appropriate team for the young athlete to participate on. It is a the perfect time to discuss the significance of sportsmanship and behavior by coaches, parents and athletes. I feel that this is the best time for a coach to discuss what types of behaviors are acceptable or not acceptable by all. I strongly emphasize that coaches and parents should discuss not just the behaviors of the young athletes, but also the behaviors of the parents in the stands and the coaches as role models. I believe this is where a coach should discuss the do’s and don’ts of interacting not just with the athletes during a game, but also with the coach and officials.

By taking the time to explain proper sideline behavior on and off the field, it will usually eliminate unruly behavior by all. You can develop a game plan about who should speak with the officials during and after a game ( this should almost always be the coach). It can make parents aware of how their behavior can not only make a fool of themselves, but more importantly, embarrass their child. In the end, it can help make youth sports not just a positive learning experience, but also an enjoyable one for coaches, parents and athletes.

Do Teammates Need To Get Along

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 20:17:00 GMT

As a sport psychologist, I work with individual athletes and teams in a variety of ways. Frequently, this time of year, I am asked the question by coaches and parents about teamwork. For many baseball and softball teams, this is the time of year that coaches are trying to build their teams and are deciding who to choose to make up the team. April is also the time of year for the NFL draft. At the NFL draft combine each spring in Indianapolis, potential draft picks are not only tested for their physical talents and abilities, but also for their psychological makeup. Most of the draft picks are given the Wonderlic test to evaluate their intelligence and aptitude to solve problems. Many teams use this information to determine the psychological strengths and weaknesses of their potential draft picks.

Over the past few seasons, it has become all too obvious that too many players in the NFL and NBA have personal issues that have effected them off the field as well as on it. NBA player, Ron Artest continues to have issues with his temper and personal behavior, while nine (Alan check out this number to make sure it is correct) players on the Cincinnati Bengals have had skirmishes with the law. Recently, Chicago Bears defensive lineman, Tank Johnson was sentenced to three months in jail for possesion of firearms. Obviously, the NFL and NBA need to do a better job of deciding the types of players that they are choosing to play in their leagues.

So, if the pros are having difficulty choosing the types of individuals they want playing on their teams, it will also be difficult for youth sport coaches to get the best players for their team, both physically and psychologically. After all, many coaches don’t get to choose the players on their child’s youth rec team, they often get kids who sign up who are in the same neighborhood or school system. So what is the best way to get everyone on the same page and play together. I believe it starts with the preseason meeting. This is where the coach meets with the parents and athletes and explains his/her philosophy about winning and losing, about his/her expectations and goals for the season and what they will expect in terms of commitements from the athletes and parents.

No matter how much planning a coach puts into getting the season going, there will almost always be personality issues between players along the way. One of the most common questions I am asked by parents and coaches is do players need to get along and be friends in order to play well. The obvious answer is that it is always better when everyone is on the same page, but it is not always necessary. For a basketball or soccer team to click at their best, it is important that all the players, starters and reserves know their roles and what is expected of them for the season. This is where the coach needs to be a good communicator and know when to have the players discuss their issues and resolve them when a crisis occurs.

However, I don’t believe it is essential for everyone to all be the best of friends and always be getting along. Some of the great Oakland A’s teams often had serious disagreements. Several times, Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson had to be separated in the dugout by teammates and coaches before they fought each other, but they still went on to win several championships.

For the best chance of success, it is important to make sure the coach is in charge, but also has an assistant coach who can be a good communicator and someone to bounce ideas off of. For the players, it is always best when there are leaders on the team who are not afraid to express themselves both verbally and by their actions on the field. It is always best to make sure there is an opportunity for players and coaches to discuss their issues when everyone isn’t getting along, before things get out of hand.

Why Do Upsets Happen?

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 20:18:00 GMT

It is time for March Madness. The NCAA tournament is about to begin and with it comes hype, excitement, hopes and dreams for numerous collegiate basketball players, coaches and their fans. However, every year the unthinkable occurs, a team with a high seed will lose to a team no one would ever think would have a chance to beat them. Why does it happen? Overconfidence? Early tournament jitters? Or maybe the fact that sports is about attitude and beliefs.

Every year in the NFL, the NBA, the NHL and in the major leagues upsets happen. In fact, they happen all the time. So why does a team or an individual lose a game, a match, a competition that they are heavily favored to win? I think there are several factors that play a role.

First of all, I think all too often, the heavily favored team takes it for granted that they are going to win. They know their team is stacked with better players, better coaching and a better record. They are sure they will win with one hand tied behind their back. They know that there is no way they will lose to a lesser opponent with less talented players and inexperienced coaches. You know where I am going? This is the overconfidence factor and is the beginning of the collapse that leads to an upset. The first step that usually occurs for an upset to happen is quite simply being overconfident. The team with the better record knows that they are better than the other team and either don’t get prepared properly, as they normally do, or just assume that because they have won more games and have all-star players, they will win. Consequently, this overconfidence leads to a lack of preparation, a lack of focus and a bad start to the competition.

Second, once the favored team falls behind because of their overconfidence, the next thing that happens is panic. This is the key step that will either lead to the better team regrouping, refocusing and concentrating on what their strengths are to overcome the bad start, or to an overall collapse that will result in a tremendous disadvantage that becomes impossible to overcome. The panic stage is where teams either realize that they need to slow down and refocus or where they get uptight, worried and begin pointing fingers at each other. If the team doesn’t regroup in time, the players will collectively get uptight, begin thinking negative thoughts and begin worrying about how they are going to explain how they lost before the game is over.

Third and maybe most importantly perhaps the most important factor that can prevent the upset from occurring is the combination of leadership and a positive attitude. A team that has players and coaches who are not afraid to take the lead when the pressure is on, will have the best chance to overcome their poor start and get the rest of the team back on track before the bottom drops out. Leadership is all about being assertive and not being afraid to be in the spotlight, whether that means by physically taking charge or by verbally speaking up and challenging not only themselves, but their teammates as well. Leaders will know when to be positive and how to pump up their teammates or athletes without coming across as arrogant or cocky. They will know what to do because they will have been in this situation before and will have seen what happens when the negative thinking takes over.

I always like to share a quote with my clients that was told to me by my late, great uncle, Hirsch Jacobs. When he died in 1970, he was the winningest trainer in horse racing history, having saddled 3,596 winners. He told me, ‘Sports is the greatest theatre in the world, everyone knows their part, but no one knows what will happen.’ if you take this approach to all of your competitions, I think it will help you to always be prepared and never take anyone or any team for granted.

Sideline Cheering at Your Child’s Game

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 20:19:00 GMT

If you have a child who plays sports, you have seen it. If you have gone to a youth sports game or a high school game, you have heard it. What am I talking about?

The parent who goes over the edge. Inevitably, it will happen at your daughter’s softball game, at your son’s soccer game or at a tennis match. It could be a dad who gets frustrated because his child strikes out with the bases loaded or it could be the mom who thinks her son isn’t trying enough. Believe it or not, the mom can often be worse than the dad because she is usually the one driving the car pools, washing uniforms and running to get water bottles and snacks when their kids have run out or forgotten them.

Unfortunately, sometimes it can go too far. In Oklahoma City, a high school soccer player was recently arrested for suspicion of murdering his father. His father was constantly berating him on the sidelines at his high school soccer games. Apparently, these degrading comments were not only restricted to his sports play, but also to his academics. The son admitted to murdering his father and stuffing him in a freezer. Obviously, this is not the norm, but this man’s comments had gone too far.

Cheering and booing at sporting events have gone on since the chariot races in Rome. Expressing yourself at a professional or college game is usually accepted. However, most stadiums have announcements before the game about unruly behavior or foul language being unacceptable and individuals who participate in these behaviors may possibly be escorted out of the stadium or arena.

But, what about at your child’s youth sports event? What are the rules there? Some leagues have rules that are enforced and some do little if anything about it.

Today, most youth sport leagues have sportsmanship waivers parents must sign when they enroll their child, but I feel most are not enforced. Usually, it is just a piece of paper most people just sign and don’t read. Most, just require one parent’s signature, so consequently, the other parent may not know anything about the sportsmanship policy at the games.

So what do you do when a parent on your team starts yelling at their child or maybe at yours? Do you say something? Do you sit on your hands and hope some common sense comes to this person: Do you go get something at the concession stand and sit somewhere else?

I believe the worst thing you can do is to confront the person who is screaming and yelling. Fred Engh, the President of the National Alliiance for Youth Sports (NAYS) and I have presented two teleseminars about youth sports and have discussed this topic at length. As Fred has stated, “violence begets violence”.

At the coach’s preseason meeting, parental behavior in the stands should be one of the most important topics discussed. Each team should have a procedure for handling parents who go over the edge at a game or at a practice. I believe it is the coach’s responsibility to have a policy that should state what is appropriate and what is not at games.

I feel if a parent becomes unruly at a game the team should have a policy that another parent notifies the coach during the game, if the coach hasn’t noticed this behavior himself/herself.

It is then up to the coach to speak with the parent and ask them to get under control or to leave the game for a few minutes and calm down. I also believe if this behavior is repeated, that parent should be banned from attending any more games or practices for the rest of the season.

This is a policy that should be made very clear at the preseason meeting and should be enforced throughout the season. The NAYS has found out that teams that back this up, usually don’t have problems with parents or kids during the season, and in the end, this makes the youth sports experience a pleasant one for fans and most importantly, for the kids who are playing the games.

What do you think? I would like to see your comments.

Fear of Failure

Mon, 04 Dec 2006 20:19:00 GMT

Often I am asked by my clients, “What can I learn from failure?” My answer is everything and nothing. It really depends on who you are and how good you want to be.

Sports are the greatest venue for us to learn about winning and losing and about success and failure, because the score at the end of the game or competition doesn’t lie. You either come in first place or you don’t. You either ran a best time or you didn’t. You either shot a lower score on the golf course to beat your archrival or you did not.

So how do we achieve the results that we want? What can we gain by losing or failing in our quest to be the champion? I believe it depends on your attitude, on your ability to grow as a person and on your desires to become the best you can be.

There are so many variables that are components of success: commitment, attitude, honesty, communication, preparation, goals, confidence, overcoming fear … we can go on and on.

However, during my 25 years working in the world of sport psychology, I have learned that the very best athletes, coaches and teams would all admit one common theme: they all hate to lose. It doesn’t matter if it is the Super Bowl, the World Series, the NCAA Championship, the high school state title game or a game of ping pong in your basement, the best athletes despise coming in anywhere but the top.

Often, for many of them, they appreciated the taste of victory because they spent many times losing to the competition. After failing to reach the top, they learned that when they finally achieved their goal, they savored the feelings it gave them.

The November 20, 2006 issue of Sports Illustrated had the Kansas Jayhawks on the cover as the number one basketball team in the country. The day the magazine came out November 15, 2006, the team lost to Oral Roberts University in Lawrence, Kansas.

Numerous quotes from the players and coaches referred to the team being overconfident and letting the national media attention get into their heads. They took it for granted that they would win their game because they were ranked number one. Oral Roberts took it as a great challenge, as it was a huge underdog. Kansas lost in part, because it did take it for granted that because it was ranked, it would win. It worked the opposite way.

Earlier this year, the Pittsburgh Steelers won the Super Bowl. They were the last wild card team in the AFC and won three road games in the playoffs to make it to the Super Bowl. The team knew it had a tremendous challenge ahead of them and attacked each game knowing that it could be their last of the season. The Steelers won the Super Bowl because they were not afraid to lose because they had everything to gain and nothing to lose by being the underdog in each game.

When a team is consistently winning, and having a lot of success, it is not unusual to forget the simple things that go them to achieve their success. Just like the Kansas basketball team, you can often believe that you will win because you are who you are, instead of doing the extra things, like running an extra ten minutes in your workout, spending more time working on your short game or talking with your coach about what he/she thinks you need to keep doing to continue to improve and succeed.

When you fail to reach your goal or lose the competition, you can take it one of two ways. You can either blame everyone else why you lost or you can look deeply in the mirror at yourself and recommit yourself to your training to take the time to understand your mistakes and why you made them.

The greatest athletes and coaches, when giving their victory speech, will always refer back to the days when they were losing, as to the days they learned the most about themselves. Those are usually the days the athletes refer to as reality checks and the time to look deeply at their commitment, their desire and attitude and the confidence they need to be their best.

You will almost always hear the champions talk about how much they hate to lose, but also about how the days that they lost left a bad enough taste in their mouths, that they made a commitment to themselves to never let that happen to them again.